City of learning-how-to-cope
by Ally-lost-in-fiction
Summary: With the New York conclave in tatters after Valentine's Ship, And the Lightwoods away in Idris, Clary's mental heath spirals. Will her friends see she is fighting the demons in her head, as well the new, and very real threat posed by her father? Can Jace pull her back? *TW SELF H, EATING D. SLOW BURN.
1. Chapter 1: Time heals all wounds

**If you're confused- I basically re-wrote this story because I hated it where I took it and now I'm re-uploading the better, finished version. Don't read the reviews if you don't want spoilers. (But I read em'. so leave me one :))**

The phase "Time heals all wounds." Has probably been said over and over by Luke to Clary the last few weeks, at least 4000 times, give or take. Clary didn't agree. Sometimes, no amount of time can fill the void left in you; She had done all the 'prescribed' methods that members of the Clave had given her, whether she asked for their opinions or not. "Getting back to normal" was difficult when the "Normal" _had_ become Valentine making attempts on her life. The only advise that Clary had found even remotely helpful was to throw herself into Training. She trained so hard that sometimes Clary felt like her heart would explode in her chest. Mundanes would say that having a good 'support system' is what you need in times of crisis, but that one's pretty difficult to achieve when your friends can't get far enough away from you. Isolation is not what they say helps, but recently it's the only thing that seems to be a constant in Clary's life.  
In moments of stillness such as this one, as Clary lay in the bleak spare room in Luke's house with her eyes glued to the ceiling, that Clary felt the waves of the last few weeks wash over her as they often did on Nights when she couldn't sleep, which was most nights recently. Naturally, all most every part of her life changed after she ripped apart her father's boat, even though Jace had made sure no one knew what she had done.  
The thought of Jace made a different kind of pain wash over her. The last time she spoke to him was in the days after the boat, he had told her he was just going to be her brother from now on, after that she just about made it out of his arms and onto the subway before falling to pieces. Jace was in Idris, with the rest of his family. The Clave meeting they had gone to attend turned into what Isabelle had phrased over the phone before they left as "Family Time." Clary had to resist the urge to scream at Isabelle down the phone.  
And Simon. Simon had broken off their relationship to be friends again, unsurprisingly. And Clary was happy to watch him embrace his new-found tolerance to day light and spend some much-needed time in the "real world" as he called it. But playing video games and going to band practise isn't the real world, not to Clary. How could she forget? How could Anyone? Despite the awkward romance between them gone, Clary didn't feel closer to Simon. It was like she was drifting away from him in a whole new way. Simon wasn't even here. His mom had taken him and Rebecca to Italy for 2 weeks for the anniversary of his father's death. Clary had known he was leaving- it was an annual trip they had taken since his Dad died. Clary knew he didn't want to go this year- because of her. He didn't think he'd be able to, but since he became a day lighter, Clary wouldn't hear of him missing it. She owed him that.  
Clary peeled her covers off herself and headed for her door. Luke's house was dark, and the stove clock glowed dimly in the kitchen as she padded in.  
She crossed the kitchen in search of a glass of water. she made no noise as she walked. The soundless rune on her ankle was to thank for that; Runes still looked unfamiliar on her skin. Applying them was something she had taught herself, unlike most Shadowhunters in training, who get to learn about marks and applying them by a tutor. Clary had no such tutor; All she had was the Book of Grey, a Stele and her own gift.  
The runes were fairly recent, she had started physically training a few days after the lightwoods left. Sometimes on her own, sometimes with the people who the clave sent to run the institute in Maryse's absence. Clary liked them, they helped her get started and she even had been out hunting with them a few times; she learnt best on her feet.  
The sounds of Luke's key in the door startled Clary as she was rooting through the fridge, crying out as her head makes impact with the door as she jumped. She spun on her heals, grumpily clutching her head and frowning, to find Luke sheepishly grinning at her from the door. Luke's parenting skills have their ups and downs, but he really does try his best. When Luke is not at Clary's mother's bed side, he is leading the pack, when he is not doing that, he is catching up on sleep. He often doesn't come home until the late hours of night.  
"Sorry." Luke smiled at her apologetically as he shut the door behind him, squinting to see anything in the pitch black room aside from Clary, illuminated by the fridge light. "Why the hell are all the lights off?"  
"Because," Clary said." its 1 in the morning, Luke."  
This was a normal thing for them recently, dumping into each other though out the night, either one coming or going somewhere.  
"Oh," Luke rubbed his eyes, abandoning the attempt to turn the lights on. "Sorry. Dealing with the pack-"  
Clary could see, even in the dark, Luke was slightly swaying with exhaustion. "Its fine. Go to bed though, seriously Luke."  
Luke was already on his way. He grunted a good night in her direction and ruffled her hair as her went past her to his room, shutting the door behind him. She followed, going back into her own room.  
She flopped onto her bed. Sleep was almost a foreign concept recently. Everything she pushed out of her mind during the day, bubbled back as she tried to sleep; there isn't much escape from your own thoughts. Clary rolled over, and stared out of the window at the sky. It was dark, lit slightly orange with the city lights. You didn't really see stars living in such a major city. At Luke's farm house, the stars were so clear, they looked like paint splatters across the sky. Clary could never get a photograph of them, though. No matter how many times she tried. She took the mental picture she had of them, and tired her best to count all the stars, hoping for sleep.

X

The hospital smell still was still stuck to Clary's clothes, as she made her way into the New York Institute The next day. She made a habit of Visiting Jocelyn on her way to the Institute. Clary knew that Luke spent so much time there that he didn't even notice the smell anymore, but Clary usually showered at the Institute, so she could wash it off her.  
It had been quiet at the Institute without the lightwoods. She spent a lot more time here though, recently; Taking advantage of the empty training room, prowling the vast shelves of the library, and even just exploring. The building was huge, and she had spent a lot of time just wondering down halls, occasionally bumping into Church, who seemed to also enjoy being alone here.  
She made her way into the small, surprisingly normal looking kitchen of the institute. The smell of food made Clary's stomach turn, her appetite was completely lost in the few weeks prior. It was difficult to eat when your life had you constantly on the edge of throwing up all the time. The smell emanated from a bowl of soup, sitting on the table. Caleb was looking down at it in disgust. Caleb Whitetail was the sent by the clave, along with this brother to run things in the Lightwoods absence. He slightly older than Clary's age. His face was attractive, he had grey eyes that tuned down ever so slightly on the outer comers and long eye lashes; this paired with his dark complexation and black wavy hair made him extremely easy on the eyes. He looked up as she entered the room.  
"This soup tastes like the east river smells." He grumbled at her as a greeting.  
Clary rolled her eyes at him. "Don't eat it then."  
He scrunched his nose up and pushed the bowl of grey liquid away from him. She didn't think it was possible for anyone to be a worse cook then Isabelle was. Caleb had surprised her. Clary and Caleb had become fast friends, he had hung out with her and Simon a few times, He had even let Simon teach him how to play Mario cart. Caleb had only one older sibling, Emmet, who Clary had only really spoke to on hunts or in the training room. Emmet looked a lot like Caleb, but his hair was cut short and neat, unlike the black messy waves that tumbled over Caleb's forehead. Keeping it at arms length he tipped the soup down the drain. _" Don't eat in then."_ He playfully threw back at her, mimicking her tone  
"I _so_ do not sound like that."  
"you _so_ do."  
"Are you using the training room today?" She inquired, cocking an eyebrow.  
"No, Emmet needs me to go up-town about something." He rolled his eyes. "Boring."  
Clary nodded. She knew it was strange for Emmet and Caleb to be running the institute, Emmet being only five or six years older than Caleb.  
"However." He grinned at her, discarding the bowl into the sink. "Emmet said that someone reported a rumour about a Drevak demon roaming around down-town last night, I was planning to go take a look later. You in?"  
Hunting had been one of Clary's favourite parts of training. Surprisingly, Clary had expected to hate the fighting. The whole of her life was war and blood and Battles, but hunting was something else. A Danger she was in control of. They gave her a rush, and she liked the feeling of being able to win for once. Emmet or Luke always came with them, neither of them trusting that they could cope on their own, but she suspected it was mainly her they were worried about. Either way, Clary could still feel that old familiar bubble of excitement as she nodded enthusiastically.

X

The training room was kept stocked with gear of all sizes, and Clary was lucky that included kids. The women's sizes fit her bust wrong and pooled at the ankles. She tugged the gear on and strapped it in place- something that was integral to Shadowhunter training. Being able to get your own gear on as quickly as possible- She had even timed herself before. Clary spent the whole day in here, focusing mainly on punching and kicking the targets, not being aloud to use any actual weaponry in here on her own.  
The doors of the room thumped against the wall as Clary was pulling the tough zip of her jacket up. Caleb bounded across the room, dressed in gear. Despite never mentioning it, Clary got the feeling that his family was rich. The gear jacket he wore wasn't standard Institute gear; it was Black, with grey runes woven into the fabric that were only visible when he caught the light. "Ready to go kick some Drevak Ass?" He punched the air and did a karate pose, wiggling his eyebrows.  
Clary nodded. "Although," She said. "I don't think they have an 'ass' per-say. They have gross, gross tails."  
He tutted at her as he plucked a throwing knife off the rack on the wall. "Don't kill my buzz. I'm in the mood for some bad-ass demon hunting and nothing can pee on my parade, not even gross, gross Drevak demon tails." He turned on his heels and continued karate kicking and punching into the air as he strode towards door, wooping as he went.  
Clary had already strapped two Seraph Blades to her gear and was jogging to keep up with him. "Where are we meeting Emmet?"  
"Ah," Caleb glanced at her. "He's not coming." His flailing karate arms now dropping to his sides. Clary stopped in her tracks. Caleb rolled his eyes. "C'mon, you know what he's like. Busy busy busy. Its nothing we can't handle."  
"I really don't think this is a good idea."  
Caleb had started walking again. "Well I'm going, So you can either come with me or sit around here worrying about poor, weak me. All alone out there. Without a Clary to help me out."  
Clary narrowed her eyes at Caleb, with some trepidation, she followed him up the hall.

X

Clary's uneasiness about Emmet not coming with them soon resurfaced as they walked from the subway though the dark empty streets. They _always_ took Emmet or Luke on missions, Clary had only faced a demon alone once, and it knocked her out for days, had Jace not followed her back to her mother's apartment that day she would have died from the venom. That demon happened to also be a Drevak Demon.  
"Are we nearly there?" Clary rubbed her hands together and jogged along. The cold bit at her face and fingers. They had taken side streets and alley ways, each with little or no light in, littered with rubbish. Clary could hear the faint thumping of music in the distance.  
Caleb was looking down at his phone, frowning. "I think so?" The teenagers looked around. They stood in a dimly lit alley. Dumpsters and boxes leaning against the walls.  
Clary frowned. "I though you said we were going to a Club?"  
"Well," Caleb said, shoving his phone this pocket. "This is the address I got. I guess the club is next door." Caleb started kicking around litter and boxes.  
Clary did the same, gingerly moving mouldy boxes around with her feet, not really sure what to do without Emmet or Luke's direction. "I _still_ don't think this is a good idea-"  
Caleb Looked up from the Trash can he was peering into, and gestured around into the Empty street. "Yeah. You're right. This is just way, way to dangerous. How will we cope against all these forces of evil?"  
"Oh, you know what I mean."  
"I wouldn't worry." Caleb discarded the lid of the trash Can. "I don't think we're gonna find anything. This place is dead. There aren't even any Rats."  
Clary stopped, and glanced around the alley way. there weren't any rats, Which was odd for any downtown Alley way. She met eyes with Caleb. Even though the Alley way was quiet, a hush seemed to have fallen.  
Caleb stepped towards her. "Yeah, you know maybe-" Caleb was cut short by the dumpster at the end of the alley way tripping over onto its side.  
The two Shadowhunters both reached slowly for their weapons as they made steps towards the now twitching slightly dumpster. Clary's heart beat in her ears as she approached. They paused, having a silent conversation with their eyes

Clary stepped towards the dumpster, which was still. No sighs of movement apart from litter blowing out and around it. That was, until the giant, slimy tentacle that Clary hadn't noticed wrap its self around her foot, viciously yanked her ankle, pulled her feet from under her, she yelped as she hit the floor. The arm was attached to a mass, sliding out of the dumpster. It was human shaped: two legs, two arms, a head, Only this head had no features on it except for a large gaping hole, with rows of teeth and worms spilling out of it. In fact, worms made up this whole creature. Millions of worms, slimy and crawling. It was completely made of these repulsive, fat, grey worms. And was now standing over Clary, dripping worm gunk on her gear. Caleb yanked Clary up and drew his blade out, as he watched the disgusting creature grow out from the dumpster.  
"What is that?" Clary asked, pausing to catch her breath.  
Caleb kicked out at the dumpster, sending it back at the Demon. It was absorbed into the creature, and spat out on the other side. "That," He said. "Is not a Devrak."  
"Barachiel!" Clary cried, and her blade came to life, Illuminating her face. They exchanged a nod, and Caleb sprang into action. The demon Lunged for Caleb, whom sidestepped out of its grasp and instead brought the blade down onto the out stretched arm, severing it entirely. The arm fell to the ground, and was absorbed into the leg on the beast as its arm grew back, crawling and splattering Incor to the floor.  
"No way." he breathed. The demon came at him again, he ducked under and rolled.  
Clary had been standing back slightly. The demon was re-growing what ever they cut off, and she watched as Caleb hacked and stabbed fruitlessly at it. She stepped right back, remembering what she had learnt in training. _When in doubt, take it's head off._  
She charged towards the wall, jumped and used it to launch herself over the demon's arms, and before Caleb could cry out to stop her attempted at severing the head, she landed on its shoulders and wrapped her legs around its neck. Her amazement in herself lasted a glorious 5 seconds before, to everyone's horror, Clary started to _sink_ into the beast. Shrieking, Clary started to hack chunks of the demon away, panic taking over. Caleb had no time to think, he charged the demon with everything he had, bringing his blade down in an arch as he made impact. The demon Blew apart. Clary was sent flying forwards, her head cracking on the concreate as she landed, as well as her hand crunching beneath her. Fragments of demon went everywhere. On the walls, floor, all over Clary and Caleb, who had been thrown backwards. Clary rolled over, she spat out a mouth full of blood and chunks of Demon flesh. She gagged.  
Groaning, Clary sat up. "Is – is it dead?"  
"I think so?" He rose to his feet, frowning. "Are you alright?"  
"My wrist is broken." She said, getting to her feet. She cradled the twisted, numb hand to her chest as Caleb flapped around.  
"My Stele." He said, angrily. "It's eaten my stele!"  
Clary glanced at the ground behind Caleb, and froze. "Caleb-"  
"By the Angel, That was my favourite one, as well-" he rambled on, patting his pockets down.  
"Caleb-"  
" Emmet is going to Kill me. Third one this week. He's actually going to destroy me this time, By the Angle, Clary. What even was tha-"  
Clary grabbed Caleb with her good hand and spun him, facing what she could see over his shoulder. The mashed up, exploded demon chucks were rolling together, fanatically rebuilding its self. Clary was on her feet with her blade in hand but Caleb's blade was probably landing in the east river by now, the exploding demon sent it flying out his hand, so he armed himself with the throwing knife.  
Clary's stomach sank. "Caleb, we need to Call for help."  
Caleb reached into his inside jacket pocket. Relief bubbled across his face when he found it there. Screen cracked but lit up none the less.  
The Demon was even more disgusting now. Mashed up hunks of flesh joint together to make a mass of teeth, worms and Ichor. It Hurtled towards them. Caleb snapped his head up in time to be knocked back by Clary, pushing them both out of its path. Caleb's phone flew out of his hands, and Clary lost her Grip on the Seraph blade as her forehead made jarring impact with the Wall.  
Caleb cried out and Clary could see him scrabble for the phone as the Demon turned- no, _rolled_ \- back towards them. Clary looked wildly around for her weapon, her eyes struggling to focus. Clary found the blade and whirled with it towards Caleb reaching for this phone under the dumpster. Clary called his name, and Caleb had a few seconds to throw himself out of the demon's way as it hurtled towards them- but the grotesque crunching sound of Caleb's arm being rolled over told her he wasn't quick enough. Clary Lifted her Blade- and threw it. The Seraph blade tore through the air questionably and lodged it's self into the demon at an angle. Clary threw her arms up- and the demon shattered. The hunks of crawling flesh tore apart and rained Ichor down on them like a Black storm. It splatted Clary's face and hands, burning the skin. The demon chunks seemed to flail and shriek, before disappearing. She was gasping for breath when she turned to face Caleb, but one look at his arm and her throat almost closed up. His arm, from the bicep down, was blue, turning black. The skin looked mangled from elbow to wrist and was oozing white and green puss as well as blood. He was covered in blood: his own, Clary's and Ichor. His usual brown skin had a grey tint that was either blood loss, or blood poisoning.  
"Does it look bad?" Caleb asked frantically, Still on the floor either unwilling or un-able to get up. In response, Clary ripped her Jacket off, and wrapped it tightly around his arm.  
"We need to get home. Okay? Like, really _really_ fast." She put his good arm over her shoulder, leaning his weight against her. The pain this put Clary in was almost unbearable. She started forward, one step at a time, spitting out mouthfuls of blood as she went.

X

Getting to the Institute was a Blur. Clary could Barely stand by the time she threw their combined weight against the doors of the institute. They spilled out into the Entryway. Clary could see Caleb's Face now. He was foaming at the mouth. _He's dead. He's dead._  
Clary screamed for help- her voice echoed around the cathedral as she pressed her burnt face against the cold stone floor. Foot stepped bounded towards them- but the last thing that Clary could focus on, was the luggage stacked against the wall far wall. She frowned- and then there was nothing.


	2. Chapter 2

Blinding light was the first grasp on reality Clary had as she regained consciousness. The light faded as her eyes focused on other things. She was in a room. A familiar room, she thought. She sat up, with significant effort and looked around. She was in her room, at the Institute. The room she had stayed in before Luke took her in. It took her a few more seconds before she remembered what had happened. The Demon, hitting her Head, breaking her wrist, Luggage in in the entry way, Caleb- _Caleb_. She Swung her legs out of bed, still dressed in bloody gear, and stood up. Her head pounded. In fact, Her whole body hurt. Clary took slow steps to the door. Once she made it out into the Hall, Clary leaned against the wall most of the way to the Infirmary, where she assumed Caleb would be.  
As she turned a corner and came face to face with the doors, she squinted down the hall as someone came through the doors, towards her. Could that be- "Alec?" She called out. She could see as he got closer to her it was Alec lightwood. Dressed in his usual dark jeans and worn out brown jumper, as well as his usual frown.  
"Clary." He stopped in front of her. "How are you feeling?"  
"No," she said, her head spinning. "I don't understand. You're not here- When did you get here?" Clary looked around the hall. "Am I dreaming?"  
Alec's eyes widened. "You really hit your head yesterday, Jace-"  
"Jace?" Her stomach felt like it hit her feet. "I don't understand." Clary said again.  
Alec looked down at her with concern. "Jace, Isabelle and I got back last night."  
"No one told me," She said, sounding whiney. "I didn't know you were coming home."  
Alec pushed his hair out his eyes. " _We_ didn't know. Our parents sent us home early."  
Clary's head felt like it would explode. She pushed her questions about Jace back. _Where is he? Is he okay? Is he angry with me?_ "Caleb." She said, pushing herself away from the wall. "I came to see Caleb."  
"He's fine, resting. The bothers fixed him up. Clary, what _happened_?"  
She told him about the demon, Caleb's arm, and getting back to the Institute. "But that's where I really can't remember anything. We got back and- nothing."  
Alec, who had been listening intently, nodded. "We hadn't been home 15 Minutes before we heard you screaming in the Entry way. Caleb looked dead, I thought he was, until he started seizing. The poison-"  
" _Poison_?"  
"He had a tooth lodged in his arm. Their poisonous, Vermithralls."  
"That's what it was?"  
Alec nodded, shuddering slightly. "Distrusting things. Did it explode?"  
Clary nodded.  
"Yuck. They have a habit of doing that if you hit them wrong. If you hadn't been screaming about worms we'd have never figured it out-"  
Clary's heart sank further. "I was screaming?"  
"Only a little bit." Alec said, in a voice that almost sounded consoling. "But, we wouldn't have known what poison to treat Caleb for if you hadn't have been."  
"God." Clary said, frustratingly kicking the stone wall. "I'm not supposed to scream at all. What is wrong with me?"  
Alec straightened up. "It's an occupational hazard, Clary. This is what we do- this happens-"  
"But not to you! Or to Isabelle or- No one else screams or gets poisoned or passes out! You're all just better at this than me."  
Alec blew air out his nose. "It did happen to me. Your apartment. Remember? And I've had years of training. You've been at this for weeks."  
Clary didn't know what to say. He was right, but she didn't feel any better. "I'm still in trouble though. Aren't I?" She swallowed hard.  
"Luke isn't angry. He's here somewhere I think- arrived just after you did, looking for you."  
Clary hadn't been asking about Luke, but she just nodded. She felt sick. The kind of sick you feel when you know something is coming that you can't escape.  
Alec looked like he might say something, but Clary cut him off. "I really should find Luke. I'm sorry about causing such a scene."  
"Clary-"  
She was already turning around. "I'm glad you're all back." Clary walked away, guilt for being rude crushed by the overwhelming need to get out of the institute.

She didn't go back to her room, knowing that she left all her clothes in the training room. It almost felt like the walls were closing in behind her as she power walked though the halls. She pushed through the training room doors, closing them behind her and leaning against them with her eyes shut. Clary felt like her knees might give way. She took a deep breath. "It's alright." She said to herself out loud. "It's all alright." Clary opened her eyes. The room was empty, but her stomach lurched. She felt like she was being watched.  
"You need to calm down. Clary." She said to herself, and then frowned. "And stop talking to yourself."  
Clary crossed the room and gathered her clothes from one of the benches that lined the room. She must have forgotten to fold them, as they were in a crumpled heap on the bench. Clary went to unzip her gear but thought better of it. With just Emmet and Caleb here, she didn't mind changing in the training room, now the lightwoods were here it was just too many people for comfort. She picked the clothes up: Light blue jeans, pink knitted sweater, her beat up converse- but where was her T-shirt? Clary peered under the bench and around the room to no avail. She Shrugged, still not shaking the eyes that she felt on her, and left the training room to get changed in her own room.

X  
Alec was right. Luke wasn't angry. She'd found him in the Library, talking to Alec about Idris. He hadn't been angry, as he'd told her for the 4th time on the car ride home. "It's just I wish you would have told Someone you were going."  
He'd asked her if she'd wanted to drive, him having given her lessons over the last few weeks. She declined on account of her head feeling like it would explore  
"I'm sorry." She said, again. "I really am. I didn't think it would be a big deal."  
"Did you take a sensor? A stele?"  
Clary said nothing, and Luke signed. "You know, I gave you your mother's stele for a reason."  
"Caleb lost his Stele today." Clary said, defensively. "I don't want to lose mom's stele."  
Luke glanced at her. "This is why the lightwoods leaving was bad timing. You're missing out on important training. I'm sure Jace would shown you where the Steles are. And what to take with you hunting."  
Clary stared intently out the window. "I don't need Jace to show me how to do everything. Why don't _you_ teach me those things?"  
"Because, I'm not a Shadowhunter."  
"But you come with us!"  
They turned into Luke's driveway. "As your guardian, Clary. Not you're tutor. I can't be at the Institute training you everyday- not with The pack, and Jocelyn." He said. "Besides, I'm not a Shadowhunter anymore."  
"I'm sorry." Clary un-did her seatbelt. "I know you're busy. I'm sorry."  
Luke got out the car. "Come on. "He said, I'm hungry."

Clary picked at her pot-noodle. Both of their cooking skills held something to be desired, so they usually had a good stock of instant food. Not that she could stomach anything else. Eating had become a chore recently. Well, it one of the many things Clary had to push herself to do to keep going. She just didn't seem to care. Luke, having already wolfed his food down had gone to lie down. She hated seeing Him like this, so tired, so pulled in every direction. Especially because she knew she was doing some of the pulling. His life would be so much easier if she wasn't there. She pushed the pot-noodle away just as her phone buzzed in her pocket. She flipped it open and put it too her ear.  
Caleb's voice rang though. "You lived!"  
Clary laughed dryly. "Just about. I'm really sorry- about your arm."  
"Clary," he said. "Why are you saying sorry? _I'm_ sorry. I should have listened to you about it being a bad idea."  
"Is your brother mad at you?"  
Clary heard Caleb sign down the line. "Yes. But it's okay. He'll find it funny in a few days. Maybe weeks. Is your brother mad at you?"  
It took Clary a few seconds to remember who he meant. "Oh," She said. "We haven't really had the chance to talk about it."  
"Really? I'm surprised he wasn't waiting for you to wake up. Seeesh, you were going crazy."  
Clary sat up in her chair. "I was?"  
"Totally." Caleb said. "I was really out of it- I don't remember much, but I remember him caring you in. He was shouting at the other dude, er-"  
"Alec?"  
"Yeah! Yeah, he was shouting at Alec. Alec was freaking out. You were losing your mind, totally going bat shit. Kicking and screaming, you wouldn't let go of Jace. He was trying to talk you down. Man, he looked like he was going to pass out or something."  
Clary ran a hand over her face. "Oh my god."  
He chuckled down the phone. "Don't worry! You were in shock. Like I said, He'll probably find it funny one day. You know what older siblings are like- Like annoying, younger parents. I think he might kick my ass, though"  
"I wouldn't worry" Clary said, head in her free hand. "He'll probably be to busy tying me to one of the pews in the cathedral, so I don't get out again."  
Caleb laughed. _I wish I was joking,_ she thought.  
"I should go to bed Caleb. My head still hurts."  
"Okie'dokie. Catch you tomorrow."  
Clary flipped her phone shut and groaned. "What is _wrong_ with me?"  
She got up from the kitchen table in search of her bed. Clary doubted she'd be able to sleep, but at least she could curl up in a ball and try not to think about how much of a useless Shadowhunter she is.

X

One block, two blocks, three blocks. Clary breathed hard as she ran. She just had to make it to the fire hydrant and then she could walk. Once she passed it, Clary stopped to catch her breath before picking up a walk. She would walk until that lamppost, then she would have to run all the way home. Her walk/run method was the only way she could get though jogging. Other Joggers passed her, tidy hair swept back, neon spots wear. They made it look so _easy_. She was the Shadowhunter, wasn't she meant to make it look easy? With the lamppost swiftly approaching, she took a deep breath and broke into a run, trying to run flat out for the last stretch home.  
By the time Clary made it into Luke's Drive way her heart sank. His car was gone, and she didn't have a key. Clary checked the Book store door and the house Door, both locked. She signed, and went around the house to her window.  
She could just about reach ledge of the window on her tip toes. Clary jumped and shoved the window up and open. Thanking the angel she always forgot to lock it. She jumped and grabbed at the ledge, pulling her herself up, and tumbled forward into her room, head first. She rolled awkwardly onto her side to avoid hitting her head.  
"What the hell are you doing?"  
Clary screamed, not quite though the window. She instinctively kicked her legs out, smashing the window pane. Clary rolled and scrambled to her feet, grabbing a book off her dresser next to the window, she whirled around to face the intruder.  
Jace lay on his back on her bed, one arm behind his head.  
"And _what_ were you planning to do with that?" He eyed the copy of _Harry potter and The chamber of secrets_ in her hand.  
"You _Jackass_." Clary launched the book at him, she surprised Jace, who hardly had time to roll off the bed before the book hit the headboard, exactly where his head had been resting. "What the hell is wrong with you?"  
Clary's shoe had come off in the struggle through the window, and she angle kicked the other one off. He stood next to her bed, staring at her awkwardly.  
Clary glared at him. "Did you break into my house?"  
Jace's face was blank. "Yeah, this is how I love to start my day. Breaking and entering houses in the hopes I will get books thrown at me. No, you idiot. Luke let me in. You just missed him, actually."  
"Oh." Clary wrapped her arms around herself, looking at the floor. She suddenly felt extremely Dizzy.  
Clary dug her nails into her arms. She remembered what Caleb had told her. _you wouldn't let go of Jace._ She could only imagine what he thought about her.  
"I can't believe you broke the window."  
Clary snapped her head up to look at him. "I haven't seen you for _weeks_ , and that's all you can think to say?"  
"Well," Jace said. "I didn't see you making any moves to keep the conversation going."  
"I don't know what to say, Jace." Cold air blew through the window, lifting her hair around. "How could you just leave like that?"  
Jace stepped towards her, he moved his hand as if to reach out for her, but dropped it. "I didn't mean to. I was going to tell you at Taki's but," He breathed in sharply. "I just couldn't say it right."  
"So you said nothing?" She stared at him in disbelief. "You decided just leaving would be better?"  
"I thought maybe you wanted some time. That you needed some time-"  
"You could have asked me!" Clary's voice rose. "You could have asked me what I _needed_ before you just disappeared like that. I heard that you had gone from _Luke_ , even though I'd seen you the day before you left."  
"I didn't have a choice. I had to go. My family needed to go, Clary. We almost all died on that boat, a lot of our conclave did"  
"I thought I was your family too." She met his eyes now, which were shadowed and sad. "That what you said you wanted." Clary looked away from him. "You could have told me. I would have understood."  
He took a step towards her, and she recoiled, stepping on the broken window glass. She cried out and jumped forwards off the glass, hitting Jace's chest as he reached for her. Clary pulled back from him, dropping to the floor to look at her foot.  
"Let me-" Jace couched down to her, but she was already savagely pulling the glass out of her bare foot. Jace's eyes widened. "Clary."  
She ignored him, blood dripping onto the floor. She felt dangerously close to crying. She told herself it was from the pain.  
"Clary, Clary stop it." He grabbed her bloody hand by the wrist and stared at her. She looked back at him, eyes full of hot tears of frustration. "Stop it."  
He kept hold of her bloody wrist and used his free hand to expertly pull the shards out of the sole of her foot. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his stele. The tip burned her ankle but the pain of it faded, as well as that of the glass once he'd finished the _Iratze_.  
She looked away from him, and at their reflection in the full length mirror that leaned against the wall. Jace was kneeling, her leg across this lap. One arm over her body to steady himself as we worked. She stared at Jace in the mirror. Blood had gotten onto his white t-shirt. His face was a little hollower from the last time she'd seen him, as if he'd lost weight. But It was still beautiful. Her face, however, was black and blue from last night, red patches still splattered across it from the Ichor burns. The rest of her body looked just as disgusting. Covered in bruises, as well as being thin as a rake. She felt unclean. As if she shouldn't let Jace touch her. There was no family resemblance between them. He was too beautiful to look anything like her. He glanced up, catching her looking in the mirror.  
Clary shook her head. "Horrible, Isn't it?"  
"Bruises fade." Jace looked away. "When you came in that Entry way with Caleb, I thought you were dead."  
"I thought Caleb was dead."  
"Everyone thought Caleb was dead."  
"Are you going to shout at me?"  
Jace frowned at her. "Wouldn't that make me a Hypocrite? You're a Shadowhunter. You fight Demons. I'm a Shadowhunter. I fight Demons. How can I deny that?" Jace paused. "Besides, its not your fault. Caleb should never have taken you with him."  
"What?"  
"I would have never taken you with me. You're not trained enough for that yet, at no fault of your own."  
Clary looked at him, open mouthed. "I'm not a toddler, I can make my own choice. I choose to go with him. I've been hunting before."  
Jace's jaw clenched. "You shouldn't have had the choice-"  
"I managed to live without you for three weeks. You have no right to tell me what to do."  
Jace scoffed. "Three _whole_ weeks. Did you get a sticker?"  
Clary wrenched her foot away from him. "You are an ass. I-"  
"Hate me?" Jace got up. "Spit it out then. Tell me you hate me."  
 _I don't hate you_ , he had said just a few weeks before. Before he left, before the boat. _It would be easier if I did hate you._  
"I don't hate you." She said, getting up slowly. Clary wondered if he was remembering as well. Anger seemed to boil under her skin. "I'm not going to give you that satisfaction. I don't hate you, Jace. Despite all the horrible things you say and do, even though I _wish_ I could, and even though you _deserve_ it." Clary regretted it as it felt her lips, but she didn't care. "I'm not your emotional punching bag. You don't get to choose how you make me feel."  
Jace's face seemed to have drained of all emotion. He was breathing like he'd been running. "You won't be going hunting with Caleb again. If you want to kill yourself you'll have to come up with something else."  
Despite her speech about how he made her feel, she still felt like she'd been slapped.  
No," She said, finally screaming at him. "No, you don't get to waltz back in here after abandoning me and tell me what to do!" She took fist fulls of her hair, pulling it from the roots. "God, why do you want to control _everything_ I do?"  
Jace matched her volume. "Maybe because you don't seem to what to _live._ "  
"Maybe I _don't_!"  
He stared at her. The sound of tires on the driveway cut though the room, coming though the broken window. "Luke." Clary said. "He's going to freak about the window."  
Jace was still staring at her. "It was my fault." His voice flat, any emotion drained from it. "I'll replace it."  
They seemed to stare at each other in almost unbearable silence Luke called her name.  
She tore her eyes off Jace and walked into the hall, coming face to face with Luke at the front door. She gasped. "Luke? Is that blood?"  
The front of Luke's shirt was stained dark red, as well as his rolled up sleeves. She couldn't see any other injuries on him, other than the cast of his face being shadowed, his eyes so dark they seemed to look like stones.  
Jace stepped out into the hall behind her. "What happened?"  
"Jace." Luke looked over Clary's head at Jace. "Nice to see you."  
Clary stepped towards Luke. "Are you hurt?"  
Luke shook his head. "No." He glanced over at Jace. "I just dropped Alec and Isabelle off at the Institute. Someone reported a Ruam Demon in Brooklyn. Turned out to be a Kuri Demon. Some Lycanthropes found it before Alec got there. Took three of them out."  
"Oh, Luke." Clary said. "I'm sorry. Did you know them?"  
Luke only nodded, skinning into an arm chair.  
"Alec and Isabelle," Jace stepped past clary, careful not to touch her. "Are they-"  
"They're fine. The wolves put a pretty good fight up and I got there about the same time they did."  
Clary frowned. "Wait," She looked to Jace, not at his face, but focused her graze on his shoes. "Kuri Demons. What are they?"  
Jace made a noise of disgust. "Spider Demons. Nasty."  
"When me and Caleb went out- That was only reported to be a Drevak, but it turned out to be a- a Verm- thing."  
"Vermithrall." Jace nodded. "Equally as monstrous as a Kuri."  
Clary frowned "The same thing happened again. The report was false."  
Luke was looking down at his hands, but Jace was looking right at Clary. She felt the weight of his gaze, still feeling his words minutes before echo around in her head. "You think it's connected?"  
Clary shook her head. "I don't know. It's just weird."  
"I should get back." Jace said, grabbing his jacket that he must have draped on the couch when he came in. "I need to talk to Emmet about these reports."  
Luke looked up. "Do you need a ride?" He sounded incredibly tired.  
Jace shook his head and looked at Clary one last time, before disappearing though the door.


	3. Chapter 3

Jace had expected to feel some sense of relief after biting the bullet and seeing Clary. He did not. In Idris, Jace had often run the scenarios of coming home through his head. They usually didn't play like the reality did. He hadn't expected the first time he'd heard her voice in weeks to be a shrill scream for help, echoing though the Institute. It hadn't even sounded real. It sounded like something out of one of his nightmares, and it wasn't until her unmistakable voice called out again that he bolted through the doors of the library. Well, unmistakeable to him, anyway. And it looked like something out of a nightmare, as well. Clary laying face down in front of the institute doors, covered in blood.  
The second time he'd seen her hadn't gone much better either. He'd expected- _something_. Some of the scenarios he imagined involved her punching him in the face, others Clary running into his arms. He wasn't sure which one he wanted, but after the way she looked at him in her bedroom, he knew which one he deserved. And there was something about her. She looked small. Not just because of her height. It was almost like he could reach over and crumple her in his hands. Slumped shoulders and shadowed eyes.

Jace looked of Alec all over the Institute, until finally finding him in the weapons room, still dressed in gear. "How's Clary?" Alec asked Jace, turning as he walked into the room.  
Jace threw himself down next to Alec, on one of the stools that lied the marble table in the centre of the room. "How'd you know I'd gone to Clary's?"  
"Educated guess." Alec was running a damp cloth over his crossbow, which was dripping Ichor on the white table.  
"Luke told me about what happened."  
Alec signed. He wasn't injured, and Jace could see he was gasping the damp cloth hand enough to make his knuckles white. "Those Lycanthropes-"  
"There was nothing you could have done, Alec."  
Alec nodded, running the Cloth over his crossbow hard, turning his knuckles white. "we could have gotten there sooner."  
Jace reached out and touched Alec's shoulder. "I should have been with you and Isabelle. I'm sorry, Alec."  
Alec looked over at Jace. He looked like he might have said something else, but then his eyes widened. "You have blood on your shirt."  
Jace glanced down. Small dark red stains spotted the hem of his shirt. "It's not mine. It's Clary's."  
"Of course it is." Alec focused on cleaning his weapon. "Did something happen?"  
Jace rubbed a hand across his face. "Not really. She broke a window and then stepped on the glass. All while shouting at me for going to Idris."  
"You couldn't help going-"  
"I didn't tell her we were leaving."  
Alec groaned, dropping his cross bow. "You told me that you had told her. That day you went to Taki's. You _told_ me you had."  
"Well I lied." Jace raked his hair out of his eyes. "I'm a big, horrible, bastard Lair." At Alec's look he added. "I never got the chance to bring it up. I thought that it would be better this way."  
"No," Alec said. "You knew it would be worse that way, but that's what you want, isn't it?"  
Jace looked around the room. The weapons room was one of the institutes more beautiful rooms, with it's marble tables and walls lined with gold, silver, and bronze weapons that gleamed menacingly in the light. He thought back to the last time he'd seen Clary since he left. The way he'd reached for her hand, the look in her eye when he said those damned words that had haunted him for weeks. _I'll only be your brother from now on._  
"It doesn't matter now." Jace trained his eye on one of the gold daggers that lined the wall.  
Alec sighed deeply next to him. "Maybe not to you, Jace. Don't you think it matters to her?"  
"You know," Jace traced the dark swirls in the marble with his fingertip. "I think I've really done it this time."  
Alec frowned at him. "Done what?"  
The way Clary had looked at him in her room, stepped back onto glass to get away from his touch. There was no doubt about it now; Any feelings she had towards him were gone. It had worked. Shouldn't he be pleased?  
"Ruined it." Jace said.

* * *

Alec knew he should probably change out of his dirty Gear before going to Magnus's apartment, unsure how he would react to him turning up scruffy and covered in demon guts. Not, that is, that Magnus hadn't already seen Alec scruffy and covered in demon guts before, but that usually happened accidently, and Alec didn't want to seem like he wasn't trying. Because he was. A lot.  
Alec thumped lazily up the steps, Jace heavily on his mind. He had looked so- so defeated in the weapons room; And if there was one thing Jace never was, it was defeated.  
He plucked his key out of his pocket, and let himself in.  
Magnus's apartment was always changing, but the way it looks now, books piled up in corners and under coffee tables, Jackets and socks and shoes scattered around the floor, mugs and cups left lazily on tables and shelves, is how he likes it best. It looked Lived in. Like a home.  
Magnus was on one of the velvet couches in the centre of the room, that faced the fireplace. He was wearing a robe, loosely pulled closed over satin pyjama bottoms. He was Asleep, and his face looked young, despite Alec knowing Magnus was very, very old.  
Alec closed the door as gently as he could, but Magnus still stirred. He blinked at Alec groggily.  
"I didn't mean to wake you up." Alec's voice was soft. He pulled his boots off, putting them neatly against the door.  
Magnus stretched. "It's alright-" He looked at Alec, properly. Magnus got to his feet hastily. "You're Clothes. Are you hurt?"  
"No, I'm not. I should have changed before I came but-" Alec smoothed his hair down, knowing it was probably a mess. "I really couldn't wait to see you."  
Magnus crossed the room, his robe swishing around his ankles. "You're always Welcome here. Clean clothes, dirty clothes, No Clothes-" Magnus stopped abruptly in front of him, narrowing his eyes.  
"What?" Alec's hand flew to his face self-consciously. "Do I have something on my face? I _knew_ I should have showered-"  
"After our first date," Magnus said, Blue sparking ever so slightly from his fingertips. "After you left this apartment, After I closed the door. What did you do?"  
Alec stepped towards Magnus. "I- I- What? What's wrong?"  
Magnus said nothing, he twitched his fingers slightly.  
Alec's heart jumped into his throat. "I fell down the stairs." He shouted, raising his hands at Magnus. "You shut the door, and I fell down the stairs."  
"Oh, Thank goodness." Magus exhaled deeply, waving the Sparks from his hands. "It would have been so unpleasant if you weren't really you."  
"What do you mean, not really _me_?"  
Magnus reached for Alec, rubbing his fingers on his gear and smelling them. "Don't be offended," He said. "But you reek of Magic."  
Mortified, Alec tugged his gear jacket to his nose and smelt it. "I do?"  
Magnus nodded. "What _have_ you been up to, Alexander?"  
"I haven't been up to anything!" Panic crept into his voice. "I woke up, Looked for Jace, couldn't find Jace, got a report about Demonic Activity in Manhattan, went to check it out, it was all spidery and leggy and I _hate_ spiders." He took a deep breath. Alec knew he was word vomiting, that Magnus had an alarmed look on his face, but he didn't stop. "And three pack members were killed by it and I couldn't save them. I couldn't do my job and look after them. I couldn't do anything to save them. I failed at the only job I have-"  
Magnus pulled the Shadowhunter to him and wrapped his arms around him. Alec folded into him.  
"I'm sorry." Magnus said. "You did your best, Alexander. You always do your best."  
Alec looked up at Magnus's face. "You don't have to be sorry. It wasn't your fault."  
"Or yours." Magnus frowned down on him. They stayed like that for a few comfortable seconds, before Magnus said. "I hate to ask, but where did you say this Demonic Activity was?"

X

The cold wind whipped through Jace's Leather jacket. Despite it being zipped up to his neck, He was still chilled to his bones by the time he spotted Alec, standing some way behind Magnus as he crouched on the floor in the street. It was dark despite not being too late, the winter having drawn the night in. Alec had text Him an address not far from Luke's house. Jace made no time at all getting down there. The street was dark, the street light above them was out. The houses that lined the street seemed to rise up either side of them like stony faces, looking down on Jace. Magnus was muttering to himself, brushing the floor with his fingers.  
"Is he alright?" Jace Was almost as Alec's side now. "I hope you're not planning to mug me."  
Alec nodded at Magnus. "He can smell Magic."  
Jace blinked at his Parabatai. "Are _you_ alright?"  
Alec made a noise of frustration. "This is where that Kuri Demon was this morning, going through Trash." Alec pointed out the house directly under the broken streetlight. Without a night vision rune, Jace could just make out tipped over trash cans and broken windows in the house. "When I got to Magnus's Apartment, he said he could smell magic on me. So, I brought him here."  
"Hm. Who would have thought Magnus had a super sense of smell."  
Alec rocked on his heels, eyes focused on Magnus. Jace could see something in the gaze, but he wasn't sure what exactly it was. "Don't joke. He thought I wasn't me. He asked me- well, I had to prove I was me. I don't blame him. After everything, it would be stupid not to question things."  
"Indeed." Was all Jace said, absently. He'd looked back at the house, and he could have sworn-  
"Magnus," Jace shouted, "Look out!"  
From the shadows, something flew towards Magnus. He threw an arm up and the object bounced off a shimmering wall around Magnus that hadn't been there seconds before.  
Alec ran to Magnus, wrenching him away from the house. "Are you alright?"  
Magnus waved Alec off him. "I'm fine. It was only a trash can."  
The shadows moved slightly, a flash of eyes in the dimly light street before who -of what- ever threw the trash can at Magnus fled down the Side of the house.  
Jace took off, ignoring Alec shouting his name behind him. He cleared the garden wall, flying though the small gate that lead down the side of the house. He could see it now, it looked like a person, maybe, but in the blur of motion all Jace could really make out were the sound of its feet pounding the ground. Jace was fast, but this thing was faster. Faster than a Mundane or even a Shadowhunter.  
The path between the houses opened up to a lot, weeds growing though the cracked concrete and a single orange street light. It was scrabbling to get over the thigh brick wall that lined the far side of the lot. Jace crossed the lot in seconds and latched his hand onto it's leg. It kicked out at him, bringing himself falling down onto Jace. Jace tried to roll, but it fell fast, knees hitting him square in the chest. He gasped for air, savagely kicking under it's weight. It rolled off him, and Jace caught it's knee and yanked, it's head making a crunch against the concrete floor.  
"That sounded painful." Jace spat, his mouth bloody.  
Jace still had a grip of its knee with both hands, but it was too dark for him to notice it salvage a brick from the floor and raise it. It twisted and brought it down against Jace's temple with enough force to send him rolling. The thing escaped Jace's grip and clambered up the wall. Jace looked at the hand that had gripped it. It was Red.  
Colours burst across Jace's Vision, and he rolled once more, Vomiting onto the concrete. The floor gave out, and Jace was fell into the darkness.

X

Shouting woke Clary up. She sat up, squinting around her Dark room. Clary rubbed the grogginess from her eyes. It must have been a dream, she thought, Clary hadn't intended to fall asleep. The curtains around the broken window whipped and floated in the breeze, bringing in the cold air, and the definite sound of voices from outside, then banging on the front door. Clary swung her legs out of bed and swept her stele up off her bedside table before rushing towards the living room.  
"Jace," She breathed, coming to a frozen stop on the other side of the door. The front door was open, Magnus and Alec either side of Jace carrying him through the door, his arms slung over their shoulders. Jace was Unconscious, Blood on his face and matted in his hair. Clary felt as if the floor had turned to water, moving like waves under her feet making her sea sick.  
"He's alright." Alec said, though gritted teeth as he struggled with Jace.  
"Take him to my room," She said, not being able to tear her eyes off him. "He can lie down in there."  
They didn't need telling twice. They carried him though the living room and followed Clary into her room. She yanked the coverlet out the way and they lay him on her bed. He groaned but went still.  
Clary whirled on Alec and Magnus. "What happened?"  
Alec leaned down and swept a lock of hair off Jace's face. "There was some Demon activity not far from here this morning-"  
Clary nodded impatiently. "Jace told me about it."  
"Well Magnus wanted to go and take a look. And while we were there-"  
"Someone threw a trash can at me. And then Jace ran after them. He's like a terrier, you know."  
"Stop talking over me." Alec said, looking between both Clary and Magnus. "Someone did throw a trash can at Magnus, and Jace did run after them. But I don't know what it was. I've never seen anything outrun Jace before, or knock him out cold so easy."  
"He'll be alright though," Clary's voice was edged with panic. "Right?"  
Magnus rolled his eyes and walked over to Jace. "He'll be fine." Magnus slapped Jace's cheek, amused. "Maybe he'll learn something."  
"I doubt it." Clary and Alec said, in unison. They met eyes and Clary could see Jace's blood on his neck. Clary and Alec weren't really friends, but they had Jace in common, in one way or another.  
"Why would they throw a trash can at you?"  
Magnus Shrugged. "Probably didn't like me sniffing around. It's very curious, but now I'm going home. Are you coming?" He looked at Alec.  
Alec looked from Him to Jace, then to Clary. "I really should stay, for him."  
Magnus looked at Alec hard before nodding.  
"It's alright, Alec." Clary said. "I can stay up with him. I won't be able to sleep now, anyway."  
Alec looked conflicted. Manus rolled his eyes. "For the love of- Well, he'll catch his death in here." Magnus walked over to the broken window. He wriggled his fingers at it, and water seemed to spread across the empty frame, filling it up. The water frosted like Ice, and then turned as clear and hard as crystal. "Here. He'll be warm and well attended, I assure you."  
Eventually, Alec agreed to leave. Clary was left looking helplessly around her room. She felt like she was frozen to the floor, looking at Jace as he slept as if he would just vanish at any second. She stepped forward, trying to think about what she would do if it was Simon laying in front of her right now, rather than Jace. something about touching him left wrong.  
She tiptoed to his side, and carefully pulled his boots off him. Putting them on the floor, silently. Next, she gently slid his arm out his dirty leather jacket, then the other one, and pulled it from underneath him. She discarded it next to his boots.  
Clary fetched a damp cloth from the bathroom and sat down on the edge of the bed next to Jace. She put the cloth to his forehead, wiping the blood away as gently as possible. She worked slowly, careful not to press too hard or wake him up with her shaking hands. She worked most of the blood out of his hair, bringing the cloth down his neck. Her pulse seemed to be running at 100 miles an hour and she squeezed her eyes shut. "Just pretend it's Simon." She whispered.  
"How rude."  
Clary's eyes flew open. Jace hadn't seemed to move, and he spoke so quietly she questioned if she'd even heard him. "You get me into your bed and can't even remember my name." He opened an eye. "And they all say I'm the disreputable one in the family."  
Clary's felt her face warm and steadied her eyes on her hand clutching the cloth. "You're hearing things."  
"My jackets gone." Jace said. "Are you sure you're not trying to take advantage of me in my vulnerable state?"  
Clary got up off the bed. "It was filthy, and those sheets are clean." She looked down at him. "I could smoother you, you know. I'm not sure you could fight me off in your vulnerable state."  
"I'm not sure I would want to." Jace shivered, and Clary pulled the coverlet over him.  
Clary hoped he wouldn't remember this. "And you're not disreputable. Get some sleep." She turned the light off, and reached for the door handle.  
"Clary." Jace's voice was a whisper. She turned back to him. His pupils were blown, sure sign he had a concussion. She knew that Alec or Magnus would have done something about that, and yet she still had to fight the urge to wrestle him down and cover him in Iratzes. He was leaning on one elbow. His damp hair falling into his eyes. "Do you have to go?"  
She let her fingers slip off the door handle. Clary crossed the room and slid into her desk chair. She could have sat on the other side of the bed, laid down even. But she didn't dare. Her were hands still trembling so she laced them tightly in her lap. She wondered if he remembered what she had said to him earlier, about him deserving to be hated. The way he had looked at her just know told her not. How could he look at her like that and remember? He wouldn't look at her at all, and he wouldn't have asked her to stay. It wasn't like that anymore, not for him, anyway. It would never be the same. He doesn't have feelings for her. _He just knows that you still do, and that's the problem._  
She had no idea how long they stayed in the silence, until she finally turned around. "Jace-"  
But he was asleep. His eyes shut and breathing even.  
Clary got up. She slipped out the room and closed the door silently behind her.

X

One block, two blocks, three blocks. Clary hammered along the pavement. She had slept fitfully on the couch, finally giving up once the sun came up. No walking today, she had told herself. Shadowhunters don't walk. They run. _You want to be a real Shadowhunter, don't you?_  
Clary flew though gaggles of commuters and past other runners. She just needed to breathe. Even if it meant making her lungs scream in her chest. By the time she turned onto Luke's driveway, she felt alarmingly faint. _Pathetic_. As Clary climbed the Steps, she tried to think of the last thing she had to eat. Maybe that Pot-noodle the other day? Surly, it hadn't been that long. It wasn't like she was even hungry.  
She unlocked the front door, and sank against it once inside the house. She put her head between her knees and breathed.  
"By the Angle, Clary. Were you being chased?"  
Clary snapped her head up, to find Isabelle Lightwood draped on one of Luke's couches. She was dressed down in black leans and a lose red tunic that floated around her elbows.  
"Isabelle," Clary breathed. "How'd you even get in?"  
Isabelle waved her stele at Clary and winked. "I came to check on Jace, but he's already gone."  
"He's what?" Clary jumped to her feet and rushed into her room. Isabelle was right. Jace, His jacket and his shoes were missing from her room.  
Clary came back and threw herself down into an armchair. "He was here when I left. Can't I do anything right? I promised Alec I would keep an eye on him."  
"Oh please." Isabelle rolled her eyes. "No one, Including Alec, can make Jace do anything. If he wanted to go he would have, regardless of you."  
Clary wished she could believe Isabelle. "Do you need a ride to the Institute?" Clary asked.  
Isabelle raised her eye brows. "You can drive?"  
"Pretty much. I don't have my licence but I have my permit."  
Isabelle got up from the sofa. "Thank the angel. It's freezing out side. And I wanted to talk to you anyway."

Luke hadn't gone out last night with the truck, so Clary started up the engine and Isabelle cupped her hands in front of the heater.  
"So," Clary said, pulling off the drive away bumpily. "What's up?"  
"That's a good question, Clary. What _is_ up?" Isabelle tossed her hair.  
"What do you mean?"  
Clary's eyes were focused on the road but she could feel Isabelle's gaze. "You don't fool me, Clary. I know my brothers might be too stupid to see it, but I do."  
Clary couldn't help but notice how Isabelle said _my_ brothers. _She's going to tell you she knows that you still have feelings for Jace. She's going to tell you how disgusted he is, how disgusted they all are by you. She's finally going to say what they have all been thinking._  
"Well, I know that we can all look for comfort in other people when times are hard, but really Clary, _Caleb_?"  
Clary almost crashed the truck. "Oh, Isabelle _no_ ," She glanced at Isabelle. "No way."  
"Honestly?" Isabelle narrowed her eyes at her. "You swear on the Angel?"  
"I swear on the angel that there is nothing between me and Caleb besides friendship, Isabelle."  
"Thank goodness," Isabelle leaned back in her seat. "I was beginning to think you were working your way through them all. I was starting to wonder where we would hide Alec."  
"Isabelle!"  
"Joking! She laughed. "Totally joking. Kind of. It's just, You and Simon-"  
"Are over." Clary said. "He broke up with me."  
"He did?" Isabelle sat up in her seat. "I mean, I am sorry Clary, I am, -It's just- what I'm trying to say is, I don't want you to get hurt. Or anyone to get hurt. No parties involved should get hurt." Isabelle was staring at Clary expectantly, as if she wanted her to understand what she was trying to say without actually saying it.  
"Isabelle, if you want to ask Simon out, you just should."  
"Oh for goodness sake Clary." Isabelle threw her arms up. "You are so blind. Did you know that?"  
They were silent for most of the ride to the Institute, and when they pulled up on the curb outside, Isabelle turned to abruptly Clary with a shine in her eyes. "Please don't hurt Jace. Not anymore than you have to."  
Clary felt frozen to her seat. She scrambled for words, but Isabelle was already getting out of the car.

She found Isabelle again in the entry way, who chatted to Clary about Idris as if they had just bumped into each other and the car ride over hadn't happened, maybe even chatting a little too bubbly to over compensate. Clary felt like she was sleep walking.  
Isabelle kept the conversation up all the way to the Kitchen, which seemed to be filled with Voices.  
Jace was sat on the counter in the kitchen. His hair was wet and he had different clothes on, so Clary guessed he must have showered. Alec stood next to him, arms folded with a sour look in his face. Isabelle gasped, and threw her arms out. "Max!"  
At the kitchen table, sat the youngest Lightwood, Max. He jumped up and ran over to Isabelle, almost knocking his glasses off.  
Clary stood back from them, awkwardly. Jace tilted his head at her. "You look tired."  
"Thanks." She said. "I didn't get much sleep. Someone was hogging my bed."  
"And I feel much better for it, thank you for asking."  
Clary wanted to reply, but was cut of my someone she didn't recognise come into the kitchen. Isabelle turned to her, Max in her arms. "Oh, Clary. This is who I was telling you about on the way up. Sebastian, this is Clary. Clary, this is Sebastian Verlac."

 **X**

 **This took ages to upload because I feel like no one is reading it? High-key having to re edit all this cause' I got a new laptop :')**


	4. Chapter 4

**Don't drink on an empty stomach, kids. (Sorry for the weird Page breaks)  
X**

He extended his hand as he came towards her. "It's nice to finally meet you, I've heard _a lot_ ," He said, smiling. Her breath caught when she got a better look at him. His black eyes were framed by long, dark eye lashes that cast shadows onto his ivory skin. Clary has never seen a face so oddly beautiful yet strangely familiar. She shook his hand, and then he turned and started talking to Isabelle. Alec and Jace were talking among themselves as well, and Clary couldn't help but feel like an outsider. She slipped out of the kitchen, unsurprised that no one noticed her leave. Why would they? It's not like it mattered if she was there or not at all.  
Clary trudged to the Library. She found it empty and padded up the spiral staircase that went up to the gallery that run along the midpoint of the circler room. There were some especially old volumes up there, and she knew that she could find a book on Demon magic. She could at least try to be useful.  
Clary flopped herself down onto the floor after plucking a volume bound in dark leather off the shelves, from up here, the library looked even more impressive. The light that shone in from the huge stain glass window poured around the statue of the angel like wings. Clary resisted the urge to throw this book over the stone banister, partly because she'd discovered it wasn't written in English, and partly because Isabelle's words sat heavily on her shoulders. _Don't hurt Jace, not anymore than you have too.  
_ How could she hurt Jace, when he had quite clearly meant what he said about only being her brother? He seemed so different. And not just in the way he looked different, his hair longer and his face thinner, but the way that he looked at her. It was like looking into a mirror and seeing nothing looking back at you. Maybe she was just becoming more and more invisible to him.  
She leaned her head back against the book self. She didn't blame him for looking at her and seeing nothing. She had become a thorn in the Lightwoods side. Clary couldn't fight. She couldn't read in Greek or throw a knife into a target or stay on her feet long enough to do damage to anyone. Gear for her own age group didn't even fit shouldn't be here. Maybe she just shouldn't be anywhere.  
She closed her eyes. Her body felt weak. Her hands seemed to shake constantly recently, and her legs felt unsteady. Clary breathed deeply. The room was so quiet you could hear a pin drop, and the fires that seemed to be constantly lit filled the room with cosy warmth. Her body relaxed.

X

In the Institute, there are many rooms. Few of the ones are really used in the New York institute: The library, The weapons and training rooms of course, the kitchen and the few Bed rooms that the Lightwoods occupied. As well as those, there was Maryse's office. It was a Medium sized room with little furniture in despite a dark oak desk with a chair either side, and a dark blue arm chair in the corner overlooking the window.  
Jace knew that Maryse spent ninety percent of her time here when she was in New York, tirelessly filing, writing correspondence, and even placing calls on the red retro style landline that sat on the desk.  
Jace knocked on the office door.  
"Come in."  
He pushed inside the office, which was unchanged from the last time he saw it, apart from the fact that Emmet Whitetale sat behind the desk instead of Maryse.  
Emmet was in his Mid-twenties, Jace would guess. He was shorter and stockier than Jace but seemed to have an air of authority about him. He looked a lot like Caleb, only rather than having messy waves, Emmets hair was buzzed close to his head.  
Emmet leaned back in his chair. "What can I do for you, Jace?"  
"I was curious about the reports we'd had in the last few days." Jace said, eyeing the mass of papers strewn all over the desk- all over the room, in fact. Maybe running the Institute was difficult for someone as young as him. "I wanted to know where they came from."  
Emmet shrugged. "Hear say, mostly. You know the Downworld."  
"Well, who did you hear the rumours from?"  
Emmet sighed. "I don't know, Jace. I have a few sources of information. In a big city like this it's important to keep your ear to the ground."  
"You don't know?" Jace echoed. "Isn't it your job to know?"  
Emmet leaned forward in his chair. "My _job_ , is to keep the conclave together while The Lightwoods are in Idris. It's not just sitting around waiting for reports to come in, you know. I've got Clan meetings and appointments and the on-going investigation into Valentine's ship to deal with." Emmet looked a little unhinged. "And If you don't mind, I need to get back to it."  
"I see." _I do see_ , thought Jace. _You do know, you just don't want to tell me. "_ Will you let me know if anymore come through?"  
"Reports?" Emmet gave Jace a measured look. "You'll be the first to know."  
Jace thanked Emmet, and pulled the door shut behind him. Emmet whitetail was either lying, stupid or both.

X

The sound of the library doors hitting the wall jerked Clary awake. She had fallen asleep, her head leaned back on the shelf behind her _. I can't believe I feel asleep on the floor_ , Clary thought, getting up. _I really need to pull it together_. She turned, reaching up to put the book back from where it came from on the dusty shelf.  
"Do you need some help with that?"  
Clary jumped, dropping the book and spinning around. Sebastian stood at the top of the spiral staircase, looking apologetic. "I didn't mean to startle you."  
Clary scooped the book up from where she'd dropped it. "It's okay." She smiled at him. "I keep forgetting how quietly Shadowhunters move."  
He tilted his head at her. "Aren't you a Shadowhunter?"  
"Well, technically but-"  
Sebastian held a hand up to silence her. He walked towards her. "I was only teasing. I've heard a lot about you, you know."  
Clary winced. "I can only imagine."  
Sebastian took the book off her and leaned over her to put it on the shelf. He was tall, taller than Jace. She couldn't help but notice he smelt a little bit like wood smoke, with musk mixed in. "Don't look so worried. The lightwoods seem very fond of you. Natural, I suppose, with you being Jace's sister."  
"People are fond of their pets." She said, half joking. "Or potted plants."  
Sebastian laughed. He looked so lovely when he laughed. "I think they'll be along in a few minutes."  
Clary fidgeted with a lock of hair. "I was hoping to be on my own for a while."  
"Oh," Sebastian stepped back from her. "I'm terribly sorry. I'm just talking away at you when you quite clearly want me to go away."  
Clary shook her head. "No, It's alright. I'm just used to this place being empty recently, it feels strange to have it full of people again"  
He turned and looked down at the Library. Clary could see the shape of his shoulder blades through his t-shirt."I can't imagine being all alone in a place like this. It's huge. It must have been hard being parted from your brother."  
Clary blinked at him but before she could reply, the doors into the room opened and voices flooded the room.  
"See," Isabelle shouted, her voice echoing in the room. "I told you they would already be in here."Clary peered over the stone wall. Alec, Isabelle and Jace were looking back up at her. She continued. "Jace said you went home, but I doubted it."  
"Hoped." Clary said under her breath. "Hoped I'd gone home."  
Sebastian eyed her but didn't comment on it. "After you." He said, gesturing to the staircase. She made her way down into the Library, Sebastian following behind her.  
Jace had already thrown himself down into an arm chair and seemed to be ignoring everyone. He had a bruise on his temple, stretching to his jaw. Clary wondered if he remembered much of last night. Isabelle turned to Clary excitedly. "You aren't going to believe what Alec just told us."  
Alec scowled. "Isabelle, this isn't exciting. It's dangerous."  
Isabelle ignored him. "Magnus is going to have a party!"  
Sebastian sank into an arm chair. "Why is a party dangerous?"  
Jace gave him a measured look. "You've clearly never been to one of Magnus's parties."  
"Because," Alec said. "It's not really a party. It's for information only, not dancing and socialising."  
"Oh," Jace leaned forwards. "What a horror _that_ would be."  
Alec glared at him. "You know what I mean."  
Clary looked between Alec and Isabelle. "So, Is Magnus having a party or not?"  
Jace answered her. "He is. Magnus knows almost everyone in New York's Downworld, and we're after information."  
"What information?"  
Jace tapped his bruise. "Yesterday, Magnus sensed all kinds of magic at the sight of demonic activity. Not the normal kind either. Dark, powerful stuff."  
Alec nodded. "It means that these Demons aren't slipping into our world the usual way, and they could be getting help in."  
Sebastian's eyebrows shot up. "Someone is summoning demons into New York?"  
Isabelle's hair floated around her as she shrugged her shoulders. "That's why Magnus is having a party. Gossip floods like wild fire in the Downworld, and besides, these reports came to us from Downworlder gossip in the first place."  
"Emmet said so, anyway." Jace made a face. "I don't think I trust someone who can't remember where the reports came from in the first place."  
"I'm surprised Magnus Bane would care." Everyone turned to look at Sebastian. "Well, he's high warlock, so why does he care about a few more demons that usual?"  
Alec regarded Sebastian coolly. "He cares _because_ he's high warlock. If someone is doing dark magic, he wants to know about it."  
"And he's our friend." Jace said, sitting back into his chair. "Who loves throwing parties."  
Clary thought it was strange that Jace would point that out to Sebastian, but she didn't comment. She said, instead. "So we are going to interrogate Magnus's party guests? That doesn't sound like a good idea, I mean, it's not very discreet is it?"  
"We're Shadowhunters," Isabelle rolled her eyes. "We don't need to be discreet. They have to tell us what they know."  
"No," Alec nodded at Clary. "She's right. Magnus said no visible runes, weapons or anything 'clavey'. We need to be disguised to blend in. He said he'll send us some faerie clothes."  
"So," Jace stood up. "Magnus wants to play dress up with us?"  
"Ooh." Isabelle clapped her hands. "This party gets better and better."  
"But we won't be unarmed," Sebastian frowned. "Will we?"  
Jace shook his head. "You'll just have to creative with where you hide your throwing knifes."  
Anxiety bubbled in Clary's stomach. Jace narrowed his eyes at her. "Is there any point in me even asking?"  
"No." Clary folded her arms. "Not if you're asking me to stay here."  
"And I suppose you'll be bringing you're pet bloodsucker, will you?"  
"Simon?" Clary blinked at him. "He's in Italy with his family."  
Jace's face fell. "I didn't know that." He looked down at his hands, before turning to Alec. "What time are we leaving?"  
"Mid-night."  
"Brilliant." Jace looked between the others. "Rune up your unmentionables, kids. And don't be shy with the persuasion runes. Something tells me we're going to need all the help we can get.

X

The day from then seemed to drag. Everyone seemed to disappear from the Library. Clary felt like she was lost. She couldn't go to the training room, because the lightwoods were using it- and there is no way she could be in there with them. They'd sneer at the fact she can't pull herself onto the Balance beam without help or roll their eyes when she dropped the wooden training weapons over and over. She just couldn't do it. The day was spent in her own room at the Institute, dipping in and out of reading her codex and trying to fall asleep even killed and hour or two by dropping Luke's truck back at his house and getting a cab back, knowing that Luke was probably going to want the truck home tonight. She had left him a note on the counter, remembering now he worried about her going missing with Caleb.  
When Isabelle finally fetched her from her room to ger ready, Clary had found herself re-discovering her anxiety from earlier about going to a party. She sat on Isabelle's bed, watching her riffle through a trunk of clothes Magnus had sent them to 'blend in'.  
Isabelle would occasionally pull pieces out and tut. "The only person who'll get away with being a faerie is you. What am I supposed to be?"  
"Faeries are meant to be pretty." Clary said.  
Isabelle ignored her, and tossed her the dress in her hand. "Try this on. If the Boy's got a selection anything like this, we'll be lucky if anyone other than you makes it there. Can you imagine Jace in Tulle?"  
Clary tried not to. She padded into the bathroom and stepped into the pale dress Isabelle had given her. The skirt belled out at her waist, falling in flounces and layers to the top of her ankles. The bodice plain, two thin straps holding it up. Clary felt like a Cake stepped out of the bathroom and froze, caught off guard by the fact the other girl was changing. Clary always opted to change in the bathroom, where no one could see her. Isabelle, on the other hand, felt no shame in changing her clothes in front of Clary. Isabelle's back was to Clary. Isabelle was slender, her hips were just the right shape in ratio to her tiny waist, which matched even more so with her chest, the prefect size to make her look more woman-ly than Clary could ever hope to look. Even without the heels, Isabelle's toned legs were long, making Clary feel inadequate and stumpy. She self-consciously wrapped her arms around herself, suddenly feeling very aware of how tight her dress fit around her waist. Isabelle had picked a dress made from dark blue velvet, gathered just under the bust and falling to the floor. The sleeves hugged her arms and ended at a point on her hands, covering up the runes on her hands.  
"Isabelle," Clary said. "You _do_ look like a faerie."  
"It's not too bad, I suppose." Isabelle smiled at Clary. "That is quite a dress."  
"I look like a mop."  
"You do not look like a mop, Clary. Faeries probably don't know what mops are, anyway."  
Clary flopped onto Isabelle's bed. When she moved, the dress seemed to change colour in the light, like a pearl."Besides, You'll have loads of places to hide weapons under all that fabric." Isabelle pulled her dress up and strapped a knife to her thigh.  
"I wouldn't be able to _find_ it if I'd even need it."  
Isabelle rolled her eyes and tossed Clary a Stele, which she stashed in the bodice of the dress. She frowned down at her Voyance rune. "What about this?"  
Isabelle reached onto her desk and picked up a small, beige tube. She took Clary's hand and used the applicator on the tube to apply the contents to the back of Clary's hand. "Never underestimate the power of Make-up." With expertise, Isabelle blended the product and the rune was almost invisible at a glance.  
Isabelle went back to her desk and started to pin her hair up, careful to cover the tops of her ears. Clary caught her refection in the floor length mirror. When she was 6th grade, she had played a munchkin in her schools performance of the wizard of oz. She couldn't help but feel just as silly now with her flouncy dress and ginger hair. She didn't look sexy or magical like Isabelle. She looked like she was playing dress up.

By the time Clary and Isabelle were on their way down stairs, they looked the part. No visible runes or weapons, no black, no leather, nothing to give away what they were. Isabelle had pinned Clary's hair like hers, so that the tops of her ears were covered. It _was_ a good disguise. They met Alec, Jace and Sebastian by the doors, as well as Caleb, to Clary's surprise. She felt a pang of guilt. She'd almost completely forgotten about Caleb and his injury. They were all dressed up as well, and if Clary didn't feel so anxious, she would probably have found it funny. Both Jace and Sebastian were wearing white linin shirts that fit loosely, tucked into plain woven trousers. Clary could see a glint of gold around Jace's throat. He looked like a prince. His hair was a crown around his head and for the few seconds she was able to look at him before he noticed her, her heart fluttered. Once he finally noticed them and his princely face turned to stone.  
"It took you long enough. Poor Caleb is about to break out in hives."  
Caleb was scratching at his collar. "This fabric _sucks_." He was dressed in a sparkly gold shirt that clung to him, with lose cotton trousers.  
Despite Caleb's complaining, Alec looked the most uncomfortable. He was wearing a dark green jacket that looked like it was made of vines over a lose shirt that was tucked into tight trousers the colour of tree bark. Clary could see he had rings on, as well as a pocket square in his jacket. Clary thought about the usual worn out thing he wore, and knew instantly that this outfit was the work of Magnus himself, not just a trunk of old clothes.  
Sebastian smiled at Clary and Isabelle. "You two look wonderful."  
Clary tugged on a stand of her hair. "Do you think we all look like Faeries?"  
"I think we all look ridiculous." Said Jace. "I may never forgive Magnus."  
"Are we allowed to wear Shoes?" Caleb looked down at his feet worriedly. "I don't think I can get in a cab without shoes on."  
"Exactly, _where_ did your mother findhim and his brother?" Jace asked Alec.  
Alec headed for the door. "The sooner we are done with this the sooner we can take these off."  
Jace hurried after Alec, followed by Isabelle and Sebastian, leaving Clary and Caleb to bring up the rear. Clary took Caleb's arm and patted his shoulder, reassuringly.  
"Don't worry about your shoes," She said. "You can keep them on."

* * *

Once the door to the apartment opened, it was like stepping into a scene from a movie. The ever-changing apartment had become a large open plan room, with exposed brick walls, furniture dotted about the room. The blue and green light that filled the room cast shadows into dark corners, making the room look the most exciting kind of dangerous. Clary wasn't sure if it was the sheer volume of people, or just the size of the room, but she could not see the far wall from where she was standing. They seemed to be pulled though the door like Magnets, each one of them dissolving into the crowd. Clary went to step into the room, before she was gently pulled back by her arm.  
It was Jace. She let him lead her away from the door. "What is it?"  
The apartment door shut, silencing the music. He stared at her intently. "Don't eat anything anyone gives you, alright?" Jace said.  
Clary rolled her eyes. "I know I'm not meant to take candy from strangers, Jace."  
"This is different, Clary." He glanced down the hall before leaning towards her slightly. "You look very convincing. I don't want anyone running off with you."  
"I'm not running off with anyone." Clary's voice had dropped to a whisper, although she wasn't sure why.  
The door opened and a vampire stumbled out, vomiting on the wall opposite the door.  
"Wonderful." Said Jace, straitening up. "Shall we?"  
She followed him as he headed towards the door, and once the wave of sound and people hit them, they were almost instantly pulled apart.  
Clary was pulled into the mass of people. Purple people, blue people, people dressed in gowns like hers and people dressed in almost nothing at all seemed to pulse to the felt a hand in her own, and whirled around to find a small, faerie child looking up at her. The little girl had a blueish tint to her skin and smiled at Clary with pointed teeth. Clary thought about wrenching her hand back, but remembered the whole point of being there was to find information.  
Reluctantly, she let the child lead her away towards a small gaggle of faeries, sitting and laying on each others laps on the floor. They were beautiful people, women in lose dresses of velvet that looked like they could be from a different century, as well as men in lose shirts like Jace was wearing. None of these man were half as beautiful as him though, she thought.  
The little girl pulled Clary to the floor, among the other Faeries. The men and women observed her curiously. One of the faeries said something to her in an airy language that Clary didn't recognise. Clary just smiled at her and hoped that the women wasn't asking her something awful. The women smiled back her, and so did the other faeries. They started to get up, and a hand was offered to her by a Faerie boy with completely purple eyes. She took it, being pulled to her feet. Her other hand was clasped and the Faeries giggled with delight as they started to dance, skirts flowing around them like water. Clary panicked, trying her best to not trip over her skirts and fall over. Clary was drawn into the dancing, her body seeming to take over and move alongside the Faeries. She was enveloped into the dance, as well as the arms of the purple eyed boy. He spun her around, but Clary couldn't seem to focus on anything anymore, her body felt so light. The music seemed to become muffled. She almost felt like she was submerged into water. Her eyes crossed as the boy twirled her around. Her knees were going to give way-  
And then it was gone: The boy, the dancing, the music, She was being pulled away from the Faeries by a hand wrapped around her wrist tightly. Her head stopped spinning the further away she got. She blinked up at the person leading her away.  
"Sebastian," Clary said. "My head hurts."  
Sebastian stopped leading her away, and shouted over the music. "Clary, are you alright?"  
Clary blinked at him. "I don't know what happened-"  
"Those Faeries were playing a trick on you. They lure you in with dancing to make you lose control and then you're completely at their mercy."  
"I thought they thought I was one of them." Clary's body felt like it had been zapped of all energy. "I think I need some water."  
Sebastian nodded and vanished into the crowd, returning sometime later with two sliver cups in his hands.  
She thanked Sebastian as he handed her a cup, filled with pink liquid. "This doesn't look like water."  
He frowned. "They didn't have any water, not that kind of party, I suppose. I think it's alright, though."  
The pink liquid did smell lovely, and Clary was very thirsty. She took a dubious sip. It tasted as good as it smelled, sweet like candy floss with a floral aftertaste. "Where did everyone go?"  
"Alec went to find Magnus, and Caleb and Isabelle went off together." Sebastian shrugged. "Last time I saw Jace he was on the dancefloor."  
"I don't know how to talk to anyone," She admitted. "Demon magic doesn't seem to come up in party small talk."  
Sebastian chuckled. "I hope the others are having better luck than us."  
Clary went to sip her drink again- but she had already finished it. She didn't even realise she'd been drinking it. She frowned at her cup.  
They were in a shadowed corner, and Clary was thankful for the shelter. "Here. I'll swap you," He took her empty cup and gave her his un-touched one, still filled with the pearly pink drink. He crinkled his nose. "Too sickly for me."  
Clary smiled up at him. Her anxiety seemed to have melted away, and she felt a warmness spreading through her. "Thank you!"  
Sebastian beamed down at her and Clary sipped the drink. Under the dim strobing lights, he looked beautifully dangerous. Clary's lips started to tingle, and she licked the sweet drink off them.  
Sebastian "You look like you're having fun."  
Despite herself, Clary nodded. She felt a lot more at ease, and even the music seemed to sound a lot better. "Are you?"  
"Yes, especially with you here." His expression was almost apprehensive, like he wasn't sure how Clary would react to him. "Do you want to dance?"  
Clary raised an eyebrow at him. "What about getting information?"  
He grinned at her, offering his hand. "What's work without a little play?"  
She hesitated for a second, before taking his hand.

X

. The music was so loud that Jace could feel it vibrating through the floor; He didn't mind though, it just seemed like white noise to him as he veered through the mass of dancers. He stuck the edges of the dancefloor, trying to listen for whispers of gossip hasty passed between people in the shadows. He was alone, having lost everyone else in the chaos of the room. The far end of the room was lined with what looked like a bar, and Jace made a b-line for it. It was well stocked, by the look of it. Bottles of all shapes and colours lined the wall behind it in a rainbow display. Tending the bar, Jace noticed as he got closer, was Magnus. He was dressed in a skin tight green sequined shirt that caught the strobe lights so profoundly It was almost blinding.  
"You work your own parties?" Jace said to Magnus once he was in front of the bar.  
Magnus leaned over the marble top of the bar. "Only when I actually want to listen to drunk gibberish."  
"Heard anything good?"  
Magnus shook his head. "Not a word. I truly thought someone would know something. Not much goes on in New York without someone seeing it."  
Jace sat on one of the plush bar stools. "Maybe they're just not talking."  
Magnus smirked."Anyone who ordered a drink tonight will be talking, don't you worry your golden locks."  
"What did you do?"  
"Nothing. Just some of my signature recipes to get people spilling all their secrets. Learnt it from a faerie women selling stuffed cats in-" Magnus scowled at someone at the other end of the bar clicking his fingers to get Magnus's attention. Magnus clicked back at him sourly and made the stool vanish from underneath him. "Anyway, did you want a drink?"  
Jace declined. "Have you seen Clary?"  
Magnus rolled his eyes at Jace. "No. I haven't, but I'm sure she'll survive out of your direct line of vision."  
Jace rapped his fingertips on the bar. "What about Alec or Isabelle?"  
"Alec and Isabelle are eavesdropping, and you just missed Sebastian. He was getting drinks."  
"Poor bastard doesn't know what's in them. What about Caleb?"  
"Who?"  
"I'm starting to think this is a waste of time." Jace looked out across the room. His heart wasn't in the hunt, for a change. He wanted to find Clary and go home. "What do you think?"  
Magnus turned from Jace and started mixing something from the bottles that lined the bar. He turned back around, then pushed a sliver cup across the bar at him. "For the love of god, drink this and stop ruining my party mood."  
"What is it?"  
"Poison." Magnus made an impatient noise. "It's a pick me up. Drink it and go be useful."  
Jace picked the drink up. It had a pearly colour and a sweet smell. He lifted it to his lips.

X

They danced. Clary left incredibly happy, and light; the happiest she had felt in a long, long time. Almost like she was flying. But someone kept pulling her back to the ground. Sebastian's hands were all over her while they danced; On her back, on her neck, and on her arms, pulling her into twirls that made giggles explode out of her. She danced and danced, until something caught her eye. A head of blonde hair, bobbing in the crowd, off into the distance. She pushed Sebastian's hands away, despite his protests.  
"Where are you going?"  
"That's Jace!" She shouted, annoyed, as if the answer was obvious. She hiked her skirts up so she could run through the crowd, but seemed to get swallowed in the mass of dancers, no Jace in sight. She started to spin, dizziness taking her over and nearly making her fall. Hands caught her waist and hoisted her up.  
"You should sit down," Sebastian said, leading her to a chair. He laughed nervously. "Who knew that pink stuff was alcoholic."  
Something told Clary that he did. She tried to get up, only to be pushed back down. She felt incredibly hot in all this fabric, and she pulled her skirt up around her, enjoying the cool air on her legs. "I want to go and find Jace."  
"You're not going anywhere," Sebastian frowned. "You're drunk."  
"I am not drunk" Clary shifted uncomfortably, drawing back from him.  
He sat down next to her, she turned to tell him to leave her alone, or _get the hell away from me_ but it all faded away when she looked into his bottom-less eyes. She wondered what made her so angry in the first place.  
"Your face is nice." She slurred, patting his cheek with her hand. He caught her hand, laughing, and laced his fingers into hers, placing her hand back onto her knee. Clary looked down at their hands. "I think I need to go and find my friends now."  
"Aren't I your friend?" His voice was edged with hurt.  
She thought for a minute. Isabelle liked him, and so did Alec. She had even seen Jace laugh at one of his jokes on the way here. "Well yes- I suppose you are." If Jace trusted him then she supposed she should as well.  
His hand slid further up her leg, creeping under the bunches of fabric. She looked back at him, with wide eyes. "Sebastian, I don't think I like that very much." She shook her head, feeling extremely small compared to the large boy.  
"Well I really like you, Clary." He didn't move his hand his hand, and looked at her with wide, glassy eyes. "I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable." Clary's heart constricted and she felt very guilty. What had she said to make such a pretty face look so sad?  
"No- no, it's okay. I'm sorry." She patted his face again and he smiled at her, Clary didn't even realise that he had leaned in until her lips met his and her eyes fluttered shut involuntarily. Her hands at her sides like heavy weights, mostly because she felt like she was going to fall off her chair if she moved. His further up her leg as he tried to deepen the kiss, sliding under her skirt and gripping her thigh so hard it almost hurt. Clary liked kisses. She liked when Jace kissed her, she liked that a lot. She liked when Simon used to kiss her. But Sebastian must not be a very good kisser, she thought, because this kiss did not feel very nice at all. She broke away, swaying and leaning from him. Sebastian laughed at her wide-eyed expression.  
He grabbed her shoulders and pulled her up. "Maybe I should take you home."  
"I want to go home with Jace."  
"How about we wait for him at the Institute?"  
She frowned at him. "How about you let me find him here?"  
Sebastian took her by the arm. "If I let you look for him like this and something happens to you, we'll both be in trouble. Those faeries almost tricked you earlier."  
Clary wrenched her arm back from him. "You're just like everyone else." She slurred. "You think I'm useless."  
"Clary, No-"  
She turned and ran, elbowing through the crowd to get to the front door, which seemed to be miles away. Once she reached it, Clary threw it open and ran out of Magnus's building. The cold winter air hit her and for a few seconds she felt better, taking in gulps of fresh air, but it seemed to go to her head and made her have to lean against the building so she didn't fall to her knees.  
Sebastian followed behind her swiftly, looking sympathetically down at her. "I just saw Alec. He said they're going to catch us up and I should take you back to the Institute."  
"Even Jace?"  
Sebastian offered her his hand. "Even Jace. Turns out nothing came up. Guess it's just one of those things."  
Clary felt wretched. The ground felt like it was spinning around her. And they hadn't even found anything out about the dark magic, or what assaulted Magnus and knocked Jace out. She took Sebastian's hand. "My shoes. I think I lost them earlier-"  
Sebastian scooped Clary up. Part of her would rather walk all the way home bare foot, but the lethargic, dizzy side took over, and her head lolled against his shoulder.

* * *

"Finally." Alec called, rubbing his hands together to keep warm. "There he is. Where did you go?"  
Alec stood with Isabelle on the steps of Magnus's apartment building . They both looked tired, glittery and cold. After one drink, turning into two or three, Jace's mood increased greatly. "I was dancing." Jace said, coming down the steps. His face was flushed. "Better than wasting time asking around for nothing."  
Isabelle sighed. "You didn't find anything out then?"  
Jace shook his head, and Isabelle frowned. "What a cop out. Magnus was so sure."  
Alec, who was leaning against the wall grumpily said. "It doesn't matter now, lets just go home."  
Jace looked around. "Where's Clary? And Sebastian and Caleb?" Isabelle pointed at the hedge. Confused, Jace leaned over the wall and hedge. Caleb lay on his back, shirtless and wearing different pants then he had arrived at the party in. "Is he-?"  
"Dead? unfortunately not." Alec frowned down at Caleb. "He's just wasted,"  
Jace looked down at him thoughtfully, then spoke. "What does the post-it note on his fore head say?"  
"It says 'Kiss me, I'm a shadow hunter.'"  
Isabelle snorted. "So much for being undercover."  
Alec dropped over the wall down to Caleb. "Sebastian and Clary already left together. Help me with him-"  
Jace followed Alec. "What? Why did they leave?"  
"If you're going to have a tantrum, can you do it on the way home?" Alec said, pulling Caleb along roughly.  
Isabelle pealed the post it note of Caleb's head. "If you ask me, we all should have gone. _Now_ what are we going to do?"  
Alec said nothing, and Jace slung Caleb's other arm over his shoulder, bearing some of the weight for Alec. "Go home." Jace said. "I think I've had enough for one night."  
They started on their way, the cold biting at Jace's face, but he didn't really care. The unease in his stomach seemed to bubble the more he thought about Sebastian taking Clary home. Jace started to quicken his pace, not looking behind him to see if his siblings would keep up.

X

 **Please leave a review and keep me sane.**


	5. Chapter 5

They dumped Caleb on his bed. The commute from Magnus's apartment was done mostly in silence. For a change, the silence seemed to grate on Jace, and he wished that Alec wouldn't shoot down any conversation he started. He didn't know what was wrong with Alec, and he clearly didn't want to talk.  
He left Alec and Isabelle, both going in search of their beds, to go and find Clary. Her bedroom empty. He checked the infirmary, training room and even, on a whim, his own bedroom. The last place he had expected to find her was being pulled in to a room by Sebastian.  
Clary was leaning on Sebastian, her eyes fluttering sleepily. The hem of her dress was dark with damp and her makeup was smudged around her eyes. Jace sped down the hallway to them. "What happened?"  
Clary's eyes opened and she smiled. Clary actually _smiled_ at him, for what felt like the first time since he came back. She wriggled out of Sebastian's grip and literally feel into Jace's arms, him having lunged to catch her. "Clary, Talk to me." He gripped her shoulders. "Are you hurt? Are you-" Jace narrowed his eyes at her. He looked from her to Sebastian, then back to Clary. The panic in his voice was replaced with anger. "Are you drunk? _Tell_ me you're not drunk."  
Clary looked up at Jace sleepily. "You're not drunk, Jace."  
He threw his arms up, and let her go. Clary slumped back against Sebastian.  
"I thought I should bring her back here." Sebastian said. "It didn't seem safe for her like this at the party."  
Clary frowned up at him.  
Jace pointed at her, enraged. "I knew you should have stayed at home. How can one tiny person be so massively stupid? Do you have any idea what could have happened to you if Seba-" He abruptly stopped talking. Jace became suddenly aware of three things: The red hand prints ringing her arms, Sebastian's hand on her waist holding her upright, and the room they were standing in front of was Sebastian's bedroom.  
Jace's stomach lurched. He took Clary's hand and wrenched her away from him.  
"It's alright." Clary said, tugging on Jace's jacket sleeve. "I'm not hurt."  
"Not yet." Jace spat out. "Pardon me, Sebastian, but can I ask why you were pulling my _drunk_ sister into your bedroom?"  
Sebastian's eyes widened. "She can hardly stand up. I just wanted to keep an eye on her, Alec was the one who told me to bring her home in the first place."  
"And your first instinct was to get her into your bed?"  
"What are you insinuating, Jace?" Sebastian said his name almost like an insult. "If it wasn't for me she would have been worse than drunk after everyone else, _including_ you, abandoned her."  
"Why is everyone shouting?" Clary said, sadly. She was still holding onto Jace's coat sleeve in one hand, her other hand laced in Jace's behind his back. "I'm tired, Jace."  
"Alright." He said, stepping back from Sebastian. He took a deep breath. _What would Alec do? He would look after Clary first, and come back and murder Sebastian later. That's what a good brother would do._ "Okay." Jace turned, and lifted Clary up, one arm under her knees and one around her back. She happily looped her arms around his neck and signed deeply. "You," He said, regarding Sebastian, "You stay away from my sister. Do you understand me, Sebastian?"  
Sebastian reached for the door, signing. "What ever you say, Jace."  
Clary looked up at Jace. Her eyes were lined with red. "You smell nice."  
Sebastian's door slammed shut.  
"Come on." Jace focused his eyes on the hallway ahead of them. "Lets get you into bed."

X

Jace kicked shut his bedroom door behind them. He glanced down at Clary, who looked like she was sleeping. Her eyes were closed and her breathing was even. He crossed the room and gently placed her on his bed, her dress spraying out around her like water. He remembered seeing her come down the hall with Isabelle, and his heart seemed to betray him. It fluttered in his chest every time he caught Clary's eye. Now, She looked like she could be a sleeping Faerie. So tiny that her collarbones curved like they were made from sticks like many of the Gentry were. It was alarming in the same way Faeires were. When had she become so thin?  
He absently brushed a piece of her hair away from her face. And it _hurt_. The way that his fingertips brushed her cheek made him feel like he would burst into flames, as if fire and brimstone would surround him and he would finally be condemned for the feelings he had towards her that wouldn't go away, no matter how much he tried to force himself into submission. He noticed one of the thin straps on her dress was snapped.  
His head buzzed with images of what could have happened to her had he not arrived at the right moment. Jace tore his eyes off her and turned to the door, planning to break Sebastian's smug little face. He reached for the door handle and Clary stirred.  
"Jace?" She breathed his name like she wasn't sure he was real. "Do you have to go?"  
He had said the same thing to her, in her own bedroom the day before. He couldn't remember now if she did go; he woke up with hardly any memory of the night before. Jace dropped his hand. She probably did, and he didn't blame her. The self-indulgent thought he had allowed himself in Idris- The idea that although Clary wasn't with him, she would be with Simon- had been shattered. He didn't deserve her to stay, not for one second.  
She was sitting up, leaning on one elbow.  
Hesitantly, he stepped towards her. "Are you feeling alright?  
Clary nodded. "Just dizzy."  
"I was going to throw Sebastian out of a window," He said, trying to break the silence. "But it can wait a while."  
"Oh, Jace." Clary sat up properly. "Nothing happened."  
"But it could have, Clary." He stepped towards her. "He could have hurt you."  
"But he didn't." Clary's talked slowly, clearly trying to sound as sober as she could. "You would regret hurting him, and you know it."  
"Not for you." The words slipped out before he had time to think. He regretted trusting Magnus's and his drinks. "I wouldn't regret doing it for you."  
"But I'm not _asking_ you to, Jace. It was my fault, anyway. I was the one who had too much to drink, he didn't even _like_ his drink, he gave it to me. It was an accident."  
"No." Jace's voice was firm. "He got you drunk, Clary. It's about him trying to- to take advantage of you. This was _not_ your fault."  
"How do you know I didn't get myself drunk?" Clary demanded. "Has it ever occurred to you that I am capable of making my own choices?"  
"And what an _amazing_ track record you have of making good choices that don't endanger you and everyone in an immediate 3 mile radius."  
"You're a jackass."  
Jace felt a twinge of guilt. "I know."  
She fiddled with the fabric of her skirt, her bottom lip trembling. "It wouldn't matter if I wasn't here. You wouldn't be angry at Sebastian if it wasn't for me."  
 _I wouldn't be angry at Sebastian if he wasn't a sleezy dirt bag_ , He thought, but Jace said, "It wouldn't have mattered if none of us had gone to Magnus's party, Clary. It was a waste of time."  
Clary stared at him for a few seconds. "You just don't get it, do you?"  
"How about you explain it to me then?" Jace's voice rose. "I don't get it because you won't let me."  
Clary looked down at her hands. "What do you want me to do?"  
"Talk to me." Jace crossed the room, dropping to his knees in front of where she sat on the edge of the bed. " _Talk_ to me, Clary."  
Her eyes shone. "I don't know how. Not anymore."  
 _Not anymore_. He felt like she'd kicked him in the chest. "I don't understand, Clary."  
He said, sitting back on his heals. "I don't understand what's changed."  
She blinked a tear down her cheek. She smiled at him, but it didn't meet her eyes. It was a ghost of a smile, and it made his heart feel like it would burn a hole in his shirt. "You don't love me anymore."  
His breath caught in his throat. He scanned her face for some sign of clarification. What love did she mean? After what he had done to her, she couldn't mean the love he truly felt for her. He would never be loved like that again, and he knew it. "I haven't been the best brother." His voice sounded choked. "But I'll always- you'll always be my sister."  
Jace looked at her, desperately hoping he'd said the right thing. A sob tore through her and she turned away, pulling her legs against her chest.  
"You're tired." He said, his voice sounding flat even to himself. "You need to get some sleep." He got to his feet, feeling like he might fall back to the floor. "I need to take this stupid thing off." She said crossly, tears still falling down her cheeks. She ripped off the already broken strap and reached for the other one.  
Jace's eyes widened. "Clary-" was all he could get out before he had to dart across the bed and catch her hands, having ripped the other strap off. "I'll find you a t-shirt and you can go change in the bathroom. Okay?"  
He did, and while she changed Jace grabbed a pillow off the bed and dropped it on the floor.  
When Clary emerged from the bathroom, she was changed into Jace's clothes, her own dress balled up in her hands. He took it from her, folding it neatly and putting on the dresser. "Take the bed."  
Clary frowned. "You're not sleeping on the floor. No way. I'll go back to my own room."  
"No, you won't. Take the damn bed." Jace said, slightly harsher than he meant to come off. She didn't waver. But neither did he. He threw himself onto the floor and rested his head on the pillow, shutting his eyes stubbornly. He heard her sign, and climb into bed. They lay in silence for some time. Eventually, she stopped fidgeting and her breathing came to a slow, even pace. Jace's mind buzzed. Clary words bounced around his head. _You don't love me anymore. You don't love me anymore. You don't love me anymore_. How could he not love her? How on earth could anyone not love her? He rolled over. Loving Clary isn't what's making Jace feel like he might die, It's the being _in_ love with her that's the problem. He wished he could just _love_ her. Like he loves Isabelle and Alec and Max. He remembered again what Magnus said, about the drinks at the party making you tell the truth. As he started to drift to sleep, he couldn't decide whether that made what she said better, or worse.

X

 _The shore of the lake was made up of warm, golden sand. It felt amazing in-between Clary's toes, warming her cold feet. The lake itself was vast and beautiful. It stretched as far as Clary could see. No sound emanated from the woodland surrounding the sand, and even the lake lapping at the shore was silent. Clary breathed the cold, clear air in deeply. She had never seen such a beautiful place; the water was so undisturbed, reflecting it banks perfectly like a mirror._  
 _The tranquillity was shattered, however, when a word blew thought the wind, quiet as a hum. "Clarissa."  
Clary whirled around, searching for the speaker. But she was alone.  
"Clarissa."  
The hum was louder this time, her head whipped in all directions, searching for the source of the voice.  
"Clarissa!" The voice shouted, she turned to the water which was no longer still. A hand stuck gruesomely from the wet sand, twitching, the water rippling around it. Clary gasped in horror. She stumbled to the water's edge. My god _she thought, _they're still alive! She laced her fingers with it and pulled with all her might, exposing a forearm, covered by the sleeve of a leather jacket._  
" _Jace," she breathed, frantically grabbing at the sleeve. The sand fell away from the body with ese that was unnatural, but she didn't care. More and more of him became exposed, a broad shoulder, a pale slender neck bent strangely, an angular jaw. She squeezed her eyes shut and pulled with everything left in her. She opened her eyes and screamed. It wasn't Jace. It was Valentine. Clary fell backwards, and his eyes flew open. His arms came to life, gripping her by the legs. His eyes were Golden. Tawny. Jace's eyes._  
" _It's Time, Clarissa!" He shouted, grinning a smile that looked like it was cut into his face. His left hand moved to grab her thigh, digging his nails in. His palm burnt her flesh._  
" _What?" Clary fought against him. The water was rising around her. "Time for what?" She screamed._  
" _For the Awakening!" He laughed wildly. His hand felt like it was burning though her leg, scraping the bone. She had never felt pain like it in all her life. It spread up her body, into her temples, pulsing like a lightning strike._ _Water surrounded her: black, dark, and deathly cold. The sounds of Valentine's boat ripping apart sang in her ears. She jerked and trashed against the cold, Gasping in mouthfuls of disgustingly bitter water. She was sinking, sinking, sinking. Her name was ringing in her ears.  
"Clary, wake up."  
She fought against the current.  
"Please, please just wake up."  
She was drowning.  
_"Wake up!"  
The water cold disappeared but her throat and eyes still burnt. A warm weight was over her, crushing her chest and pining her down. She trashed and screamed against the weight.  
"Please just open your eyes, Clary-"  
"No!" Her burning throat did not stop her from screaming. Her body burned like it was consumed in fire, spreading across her skin as if she was doused in petrol.  
The voice was frantic, rough and familiar. It got low against her ear, almost gentle.  
"Clary, It's me- it's-" Her eyes flew open, and met the Golden eyes inches from her face.  
She could see nothing else. Clary clawed at her throat and chest, gasping for air. "I- can't-breathe-"  
She eyes focused on Jace's face now, looking down on her worriedly. He lifted her, thrashing, from the bed onto the floor, drawing her down almost onto his lap. Her back was pressed against his chest and he caught her hands in his, bringing them to rest on her chest. "Breathe with me." He said, inhaling deeply against her. "See? In and out."  
Clary dug her nails into his hands and sucked a shaky breath in. Her whole body shook. "It _hurts_."  
"It was just a nightmare." Jace's arms where still around her, holding her tightly. She could feel his breath on hair. The fire seemed to go out, except for a pulsing heat in her leg that felt like a hot poker being pressed to it. "Just a nightmare."  
"Then why does it _burn_?" She struggled out of his arms, and clawed at the waist band of her sweatpants, pulling them off.  
Jace's eyes widened in alarm. "Clary what are you-"  
She kicked the pants away, sitting Jace's shirt and underwear. She should be embarrassed to be so undressed in front of him, but all either of them could do was stare at Clary's leg in horror.  
On her thigh, was a Rune. It looked mangled, a semi-circle with spikes and splotches coming off it from every angle. Clary could tell just by looking at it, this was a dark, dark rune. It made her stomach lurch just by looking at it. Jace had gone white, right to his roots. His mouth fell open.  
"It was _real_." She told him about her dream, skipping over the detail about Valentine having Jace's eyes.  
Jace was speechless. He couldn't tear his eyes off the ugly mark on her leg. Sudden banging on the door made them both jump out of their skin.  
"Jace?" Alec's panicked voice called from the hall. "What in the Angels name is going on?"  
"Bathroom." Jace chocked out, coming back to life. "Get in the bathroom. Don't make a sound."  
She did as she was told. The tiles were cold under her feet as she pulled the bathroom door almost shut, a sliver of light coming through the crack in the door. She peered through it. With a cautionary glace over his shoulder to make sure she was gone, he opened the door. His back was to her now, but she could see Alec's face.  
"I heard screaming," He said, glancing past Jace.  
"I had a nightmare." Jace's voice was flat. "I'm fine now."  
" _You_ were having a nightmare? It sounded like-" Clary couldn't see Jace's face, but something, made Alec's face soften. "I thought they stopped."  
She saw Jace shrug. "Not completely. It's over now, though."  
"Do you want me to stay?"  
"No. I'll be fine."  
"Jace-"  
Jace touched Alec's shoulder lightly. "Go back to bed, really."  
"I'm just down the hall if you need me-."  
Jace was already closing the door. "Good night, Alec." The door shut between them and Jace stayed still for a moment.  
Clary pushed the bathroom door open gingerly. "What did Alec mean, about thinking your nightmares stopped?"  
Jace turned. He glanced at her before looking away. "You should put your pants back on."  
Clary flushed, picking the discarded sweats of the floor. _Of course he doesn't want to look at you, even if you didn't have the rune he'd still be disgusted._ She awkwardly pulled them back on. "Why didn't you tell him the truth?"  
He shook his head, meeting her gaze. "You can't tell anyone, Clary. Not yet."  
"Why?"  
"Do you remember what you did to the boat? The same reason we kept that a secret." Jace pushed is hair away from his face. "It would make people panic. Runes aren't invented, Clary."  
She stepped towards him. "But I made the fearless rune. That's a _good_ rune."  
His eyes fluttered shut. "It is. But this is different. The Clave will see this as a threat directly from Valentine. They thought I was Valentine's spy. If they find out they'll send the inquisitor again-" Jace shook his head. "It won't be pretty."  
Clary's head spun. Jace was right. She would be like an exhibit. Everyone would poke and prod and look at her like she was some kind of freak show. She didn't want that.  
Clary nodded. "What are we going to do?"  
Jace looked at her hard. He walked over to his desk chair, where his Leather jacket was draped and tossed it to her. "We're going to make sure this doesn't happen again."

X

The good thing about New York, is that no matter how unholy the time is, you can always get a cab.  
Magnus's party must be finally over, Clary thought as she and Jace climbed the steps up to the building. She couldn't hear the faint thumb of music anymore. Jace buzzed up to the apartment and she could hear him muttering into the intercom. His jacket was big on her, but it smelled like him. She had the hood pulled up, but it did little to keep the cold out of her bones.  
Jace pushed the door into the building open and she followed him up the stairs, neither of them talking until they reached the door into Magnus's apartment. Jace didn't knock. The apartment was not changed, apart from the fact it was empty. It wasn't as big as Clary had originally thought. Empty, it seemed a lot smaller.  
"You people," Magnus appeared from behind a littered bar, dressed in the same clothes as he'd been wearing earlier. "Are taking over my life. Ugh, What a mess." Magnus looked around the room with dismay. With a flourish of blue Sparks, the litter, spilled drinks and ruined furniture vanished from the room.  
"There is no one else to go to." Jace said, quietly. "But you can't say anything to Alec."  
Magnus's eyebrows shot up. "I'm liking the sound off this less and less."  
" _Please_."  
Magnus looked long and hard at Jace before turning to Clary. "Tell me what happened." He side-eyed Jace. "And don't leave anything out."  
Clary told him about the dream, the rune, and how the pain felt like her body was on fire. He listened intently. "I'll need to see the rune," He said once she finished. "To have any idea of the power of what this is."  
Clary's eyes flickered to Jace, His face looked almost pained. He understood, turning his back to her. She awkwardly pulled her pants down enough to show Magnus the mark on the top of her thigh. Her face felt embarrassingly hot.  
Magnus couldn't hide his sharp intake of breath. "I've seen enough. And frankly, I want to know why you came to me over the silent brothers."  
Clary now dressed, Jace turned around. "Because you won't tell the clave. This is from _Valentine_ , Magnus. Who knows what they'll do if they find out about this? They'll see her as his weapon, just like they saw me as his arrow."  
"Why keep it from Alec? And Isabelle?"  
Jace shook his head. "I won't ask them to lie to the Clave."  
"But you'll ask me?" Magnus rolled his eyes. "Not that I have any affiliation with them _what so ever_."  
"Will you help us or not?" Jace snapped.  
Magnus glared at Him. "I can put a block on her mind that should stop Valentine, or anyone, from being able to access her.  
"A block?" Clary frowned. "It won't do anything else but stop dreams though, right?"  
"I'm not going to turn you into a cabbage." Magnus paused. "Not for free, anyway." He ushered Clary onto one of the remaining bar stools. "Close your eyes."  
She did as she was told. Clary could feel Magnus's cold fingers rest on her temples. She subconsciously braced for pain, but none came. Her ears popped, and then Magnus told her to open her eyes.  
Jace was eyeing her with a dubious frown. "Is that it?"  
"What did you expect? Steam to come out her ears?" Magnus stepped back from Clary and looked between the two Shadowhunters. "I hope you two know what you're doing. For your sakes. Now if you don't mind, I have a huge clean up Job to get back to."  
Clary got off the bar stool. "We could stay and help you if you like-"  
Magnus held a hand up swiftly. "Anything but that, please. I've had quiet enough of being the host for one night."  
"Magnus," Jace zipped his jacket up. "Thank you."  
The warlock nodded at him. Clary could see something unspoken between them, but she couldn't say what it was. Within a few minutes, they were standing on the pavement outside Magnus's apartment building.  
"Do you want to crash at Luke's?" Clary asked. "It's way closer than the Institute."  
Jace shook his head. "I'll walk you home, though."  
She nodded, a wave of relief going through her. She needed to be alone. It felt like the image of Valentine with Jace's eyes was scorched on the back of her eyelids. It must have been three or four O'clock in the morning, and the streets were deserted as they started walking. Clary shoved her hands into her pockets. "Do you think we did the right thing?"  
"Coming to Magnus? Definitely. No matter what happens, Valentine won't be able to get inside here again." He gently tapped her temple.  
"What about you? Don't you think he could do the same thing to you?"  
"No," Jace was quiet for a moment. "He knows he's already in my head. Do you remember what the Inquisitor said, about you being free from Valentine's taint?"  
She nodded. Memories of the Inquisitor made her shiver, but maybe it was the winter chill.  
"She was right. Valentine doesn't need to get in my head because he knows he's already there. Despite every chance I get to kill him, I can never do it." Jace kicked a plastic bottle on the pavement as they walked past it. "And he knows it. But you're not the same as me, so he needs force his way in,"  
"It's not a bad thing that you can't kill him, Jace. He raised you, he's your father-"  
"And a murderer. A Megalomaniac fascist who'll stop at nothing to get what he wants."  
Clary chewed her bottom lip. Luke was always so much better at consoling Jace about Valentine; He knew him better than anyone, and Clary didn't know him at all.  
"I wish I could understand." She said, finally.  
Jace laughed dryly. "I'm glad you don't. It means you're not under his spell. Besides, at least one of us should be capable of killing him."  
"You think I'm capable of killing Valentine?" She had stopped walking.  
Jace stopped as well. He looked at her hard, a penetrating gaze. The breeze lifted his hair from his forehead. "I don't think there is anything you're not capable of."  
They walked the rest of the short way home in comfortable silence. Jace's hand bumped hers occasionally, until he jammed his hands into the pockets of his jacket. Clary wanted nothing more than to lace her hand with his. To feel how it would feel in her own in the comfortable silence, rather than the running-for-their-lives times she had held it before. To be casual with Jace was something that Clary longed for, despite knowing that it would never happen.  
When they reached Luke's, they stood outside for a few moments staring at the house, before Jace turned to her.  
"I'm not going to let anything happen to you." Jace's face was shadowed, but she could still feel the intensity of his stare. "I want you to know that."  
"I don't care what happens to me." Clary's voice was flat. "I care about what this could mean for everyone else. Valentine doesn't do things because he feels like it. It _means_ something."  
"It definitely means something, I just have no idea what." He nodded at the house. "You should get some rest. I'll come over tomorrow."  
"You don't have to do that- I'm going to be fine."  
He signed. "I'll see you tomorrow."  
Clary felt like there was more to say, but started up the driveway with a sinking feeling in her heart. She knew that Jace was watching her get into the house. She turned on her heal, walked back over to him and threw her arms around him tightly. He was caught so off guard that he stumbled. His arms wrapped around her. Clary counted to three. _One_ \- he smells like leather and clean clothes. _Two_ \- his arms enveloped her so tightly she wanted to melt into him. _Three_ \- she could feel his breath on her neck. She pulled away. Three seconds to have his arms around her feels like not enough, while seeming to feel like too much all the same. It was all she could have of him.  
"See you tomorrow." Clary turned and walked into the house not looking behind her to see Jace's face. She couldn't bare to see the pity that was probably plastered on it. Pity for loving him, pity for being so weak, pity for existing at all.

The house was considerably warmer than outside. Clary caught her reflection in the mirror by the door. Jace's clothes hung off her small body. The beautiful golden lines Isabelle had drawn on her eyes before Magnus's party had dissipated into a shimmery smudge down her face, not helped by the purple shadows that had already taken permanent residence under her eyes. She hastily looked away.  
The lights were off, and Clary nearly screamed when Luke stepped in from the hallway, squinted at her. "Clary? What time is it?"  
"Early." She said. "Did you get my note?"  
Luke nodded, rubbing his eyes. Clary felt a little guilty for waking him up, knowing that he was always so tired recently. "How did it go?"  
"We didn't find anything out."  
Luke rubbed his eyes sleepily. "I'm honestly not surprised. I think that who ever is doing this is trying to get into out heads. Bait us out."  
Clary yearned to tell Luke about her dream, and about the rune on her leg. But Jace was probably right, and Luke wouldn't feel the same way about keeping this from the silent brothers. Clary's stomach grumbled so loudly that Luke heard it from across the room.  
"Are you hungry?"  
Clary's heart seemed to jump in her throat, and she panicked. "Who could be hungry at this time in the morning?"  
"You, by the sounds of it."  
Clary's pulse was still racing, even if she didn't understand why. _Are you afraid to even eat now? Is there anything you're_ not _afraid of?  
_ "I'm just gonna crash, I'm super tired." She shot him a weak smile, which he didn't buy.  
Luke tilted his head at her. "You've lost a lot of weight recently, you know."  
"It's all the training." Colour rose to her cheeks, and Luke headed towards the kitchen. Clary followed him. Luke opened the fridge door, and to Clary's relief, it was empty.  
"Looks like I'm going grocery shopping tomorrow, I should have remembered today- I'm just so all over the place-"  
Clary exhaled, relaxing. "Luke, stop. It's okay. Honestly, we've both got kind of a lot going on,"  
Luke slammed the fridge door shut. "It's not, Clary. I'm supposed to look after you."  
"You do look after me! It's not your fault-"  
"The book store is hardly open at all these days, and being Pack leader doesn't exactly pay the bills." He looked at her with a deflated expression. " I might get Mia and some of the others to help to out around here, just for a while."  
Clary anxiously fiddled with the hem of her shirt. "I'm sorry."  
Luke frowned at her. "What for?"  
"If you didn't have to worry about me, you wouldn't be so tired all the time."  
His expression softened and he pulled Clary in for a hug. "You keep me going, kiddo. I'd go crazy here on my own."  
Clary just nodded. She hated the fact that she had become a burden on everyone she loved. The lightwoods must be sick of her, and now she was basically ruining Luke's life. She could only imagine how guilty she had made him feel _._  
"I think I'm going to try and sleep," she lied. "Don't worry about groceries, I'll pick some up tomorrow." She smiled so convincingly that he returned it without question.  
But Clary knew, even as she lay down on her bed in the dark that there was no way she would sleep. Not after that nightmare. She thought about the way Jace had held her in his bedroom as she gasped for air. She rolled over with a groan. How could she be so annoying all the time? Dragging everyone from one crisis to the next. _No wonder Jace wouldn't sleep here_ , she thought. _He can't wait to get away from your wreck of an existence_. She resigned herself to lay in the dark, waiting for the sun to come up, trying not to think about anything, especially Jace. 

X

The panic that rested deep in the cavity of Jace's chest didn't subside even as he saw Clary safely into her house. His eyes had fluttered shut as she had wrapped her arms around him, but it was over before he could even take in the sensation of her being so close to him. She had let go of him so abruptly that he found himself questioning if she had even touched him in the first place.  
Now, as he climbed one of the Library's ladders to get the section on Hypnomancy, it wasn't the height that was bothering him. It wasn't the first time that Clary had been given a rune on her dreams. She'd seen the Rune that scared the Raum Demon outside Luke's away in a dream, the day before Valentine's boat. But this was different. The way she had screamed, thrashed in his arms- this was _different_.  
He came down the ladder, an old paper back in hand. Volumes of all shapes and sizes were strewn around the room, books on runes: demonic runes, angelic runes, and all the kinds in-between. He hadn't found the one scrawled on Clary's leg.  
Jace perched on the arm of the sofa and flipped the tatty book open.

' _Hypnomancy in its simplest form, is dream magic. The act of sending someone a dream is uncomplicated in nature for the competently trained. An item of the receiver and a great deal of concentration is all that is required. Although not against any written laws, it is never advised to practise Hypnomancy. The long term effects on victims can be dire, and in some cases, fatal- Especially when dealing Nightmares. More complexly Achieved by-'_

His eyes flicked to the next page, and Jace swore loudly in confusion.  
There was a page missing. The text jumped from Nightmares to Sleep walking mid-sentence. He searched the floor, as well as the shelf he had had it from, but found nothing. The book did look old, but Jace noticed in looking on the shelf again that almost everything except this book was covered in a thick layer of dust. It had been used, taken recently and the page ripped out.  
Jace jumped from the ladder, and landed in a crouch. This was not a coincidence. The sun had started to rise, and cold winter light had started to peak through the windows behind the angel. In a Institute full of Shadowhunters, this meant that everyone would be awake within the hour.  
Jace put the ladder back and gathered the books into a pile, placing the tatty paper back on the top. He left the Library as he had found it, heading to his room to pour over the books in secret until he could see Clary again.

x

As soon as a hint of sunlight came through the window, Clary changed into clean sweatpants, opting to leave on Jace's shirt, not because it smelt comfortingly like him, of course, but the soft fabric was comfortable on her restless body. She grabbed her keys and scrawled a note to Luke.  
One block, two blocks, three blocks. Clary relished in the feeling of her heart hammering in her chest as she pushed herself another block. It was painful, but it was exhilarating after the night she had had. The pain made her feel like she was doing something right. Pushing herself until she could see stars made her feel like she was in control for once. She turned a corner, breathing hard, when she saw black spots in her vision rather than stars. One minute she was looking down her street, the next she was looking at the sky.  
Someone was looking over her. "Are you okay, Honey?"  
Clary sat up. She had fainted, and her elbow was split. She blinked up at the person looking down on her. A woman, another jogger, offered Clary her hand. Clary took it, dizziness washing over her as she stood. "I'm fine. Just over did it, I guess."  
"Do you need me to call someone for you?"  
Clary shook her head, Her cheeks were flamed, and she could hardly bare to look at the women's concerned expression. _Pathetic_ , it said. "I'm almost home, thank you though."  
The jogger frowned, but said, "Okay. Well, take it easy."  
Clary watched her run down the street. Her elbow throbbed, and she could feel her sleeve getting damp with blood. She walked the short distance back to Luke's cursing herself. Why, oh why did someone have to see her faint? Even if it was a mundane, Clary still felt like was a terrible excuse for a Shadowhunter for displaying such _weakness_.  
She trudged up the steps onto Luke's porch and let herself into the house. She was instantly hit with a sickly smell that churned her stomach almost painfully. As well as that, she could hear more than just Luke's voice in the kitchen.  
She kicked her shoes off and headed to the kitchen, where she found Luke standing in front of the stove whisking something together in a bowl. He smiled at her. "I made Pancakes."  
"Technically, Isabelle burnt the pancakes and then Luke took over," Jace interjected. He was sitting on the counter. He was dressed in the same clothes as last night, that paired with the blue smudges under his eyes, told her he didn't sleep very much either. Alec and Isabelle sat around the tiny kitchen table, both looking up as she came in.  
Isabelle threw a glare at Jace. "At least _I_ tried helping."  
Jace dipped his finger in pancake batter and stuck it in his mouth. "I'm supervising."  
Clary looked at Luke. "How did you make pancakes out of bread and dust? I was pretty sure that's all we had in the house."  
"They brought groceries" Luke answered, sounding as surprised as Clary at this.  
"Shadowhunters: Delivering groceries to the needy since 1234." Jace grinned. "We took an educated guess based on the fact I looked in your fridge when I was here the other day and the only edible thing in there was a questionably grey looking Yogurt."  
Luke frowned. "I didn't see any Yogurt last night."  
"That's because I ate it."  
Alec shifted in his seat to look at her. "And we thought we should re-group after last night being unsuccessful." He frowned at her. "What happened to your arm?"  
"Oh," Clary scrambled for a lie. "I fell. While I was running." She looked at Jace apologetically, realising this was his shirt.  
"Ah, that reminds me." Jace dug something out his pant pocket and held it out to her. "You don't want to lose this."  
Clary gasped. "My mom's stele!" She took it from him, thankful. "I had completely forgotten-" _About that_ , she was going to say as she remembered why it was left in Jace's room to begin with. Being Drunk. Sebastian. Trying to take her dress off. _You don't love me anymore_. Jace caught her expression. He smiled weakly at her and shrugged. _Don't worry about it.  
_ "I'm going to go change." She said, holding Jocelyn's steal close to her chest. "I'll be right back."

Clary sunk against her bedroom door as it shut behind her. _You don't love me anymore. You don't love me anymore. You don't love me anymore_. She grabbed fistfuls of her hair and yanked. How could she have said that? How could she ever look him in the eye after saying that? And his reply- _You'll always be my sister_ \- felt like it was being branded on her skin, making her rake her nails over her body to try and peel it off. She ripped Jace's shirt from her body and launched it across the room, knocking the lamp off her desk with a thud. Clary pushed herself to her feet with a groan. She picked the lamp up, thankful for not breaking it so soon after breaking Luke's window, and pulled a tank top on from the pile of laundry on the desk. Just in time for a gentle knock on her door.  
"Come in."  
The door opened, and Jace slid into the room. "Are you re-decorating in here? What was that bump?"  
Clary trained her eyes onto the floor at his feet and dug her nails into her palms. "I knocked the lamp over."  
"Are you okay?"  
Clary bit her lip as hard as she could. Hearing the words 'Are you okay' when you're already on the verge of tears was enough to push anyone over the edge. _I will not cry_. She said nothing.  
Jace took a step towards her. "Do you want to talk about Last night?"  
Clary finally looked him in the eye. He looked about uncomfortable as she felt. _I would rather let you reverse over me in Luke's truck than talk about it, actually_. "Not really." She said.  
Jace let out a breath. "You should get an _Iratze_ on that," He eyed her Elbow. "Before It bruises too much."  
She'd forgotten about her elbow, and nodded. She picked her stele up from were she had thrown it, putting it to the skin on the inside of her arm. Jace watching threw her off slightly, but the rune flowed out of her none the less.  
Jace made a face of approval. "Nicely done."  
She was about to thank him, when a gasp tore out of her. Jace's eyes widened and she jerked away from him. She watched in horror as the newly applied rune on her arm bubbled and burnt, the black swirls almost pealing off her skin. Pain radiated from it and she jammed her hand in her mouth to stop herself from screaming.  
"That's not good." Jace grabbed her arm and stared at it in a frozen panic. "That is _not_ good."  
"What's happening to it?" Clary gingerly touched the edges of it. It _burnt_. "Jace?"  
He was staring at it with a white face. His grip on her was tight, but it almost felt nice compared to heat pulsing up and down her arm. "It's Valentine's rune." He said, finally. "It's rejecting angelic marks. _This_ is _not_ good."  
"Clary!" Luke's voice rang from the kitchen. "Come look who's here."  
"We need to cover that up," Jace was panic stricken, looking around the room desperately. "We need to-"  
"Tell someone." Clary said. "We need to tell someone, Jace. I can't get marked, I can't heal if something happens."  
" _No_." Jace gripped Clary's shoulders. "Clary, I promise I'll figure this out, but you can't tell them, not yet. We can go to Magnus again, he can help us-  
"Jace," Clary's eyes felt dangerously hot. "I'm scared."  
"Me too." He was so close to her that she could feel his breath on her lips. He raked a shaky though his hair. Clary couldn't tare her eyes from his, and she almost had to get up to stop herself from leaning any closer to him. He looked away from her. "You should go before Luke comes to find you."  
Clary was scared. Scared of the rune, of her father, but mostly of how un-hinged Jace looked. She rose to her feet slowly, and crossed the room, picking a hoodie from the coat hooks on the door. With one last look at Jace, still crouched on the floor, still pale as a sheet of ice, she stepped out of the room. Clary pulled her hoodie sleeve down, covering the bloody, ghost of a rune.

X

 **LMAO  
Guys this literally killed me to write! I almost lost my mind writing the conversation in Jace's Bedroom because it just didn't sound right.  
I also just wanted to say that re-writing this story has done me a lot of good. Some of you might remember me saying before, but this fic was born out of my own experience with an eating disorder I am still struggling with. Being able to put my struggle into words through this fic has made me so much better in my own recovery.  
I want to add to this, that if you are struggling with the same thoughts and feelings as Clary, there is so much love and support for you when you're ready for it. Sites like this are here to get your information and help if you need it!**

 **Love you all very much**


	6. Chapter 6

**please forgive how short this is but I'm flying to Amsterdam in literally 6 hours and I haven't packed and I've had the worst writers block ahhhhh  
X**

He watched her go. Jace could hardly breath. The room felt like it was spinning around him, and he had to shove his head between his knees before he felt like he could stand up without passing out. The _Iratze_ , bleeding and sizzling on Clary's arm seemed to be burnt into the back of his eye lids. Had he done the right thing? Should he have thrown her over his shoulder and marched to the silent city the minute he saw Valentine's rune? The memory of the Silent city's cells and the cold stare of the inquisitor made him think he had done the right thing in buying some time to figure out exactly what the hell this rune meant, but the fear in Clary's eyes still filled him with doubt.  
He smoothed his hair down, took a deep breath and left Clary's room. The sweet smell from the pancakes hit him in the face and so did the overall tensing of his body saying _Vampire_. _No_ , He thought. _Just_ _Simon_.  
He pushed through the Kitchen doors, and there he was. Simon stood in the middle of the kitchen with Clary's arms around his neck. She was saying something, muffled against his shoulder. But Jace was focused on the look on Simon's face. His mouth was a hard line as his frowning eyes looked over her body. He met Jace's eye just as Clary pulled away and punched him on the shoulder.  
"Why didn't you call me when you landed?"  
Simon shrugged. "I wanted to surprise you." The last time Jace had seen Simon, he was bleeding and dirty after Valentine's boat. Now, he looked like normal Simon; Jeans, worn graphic-tee and a hoodie with one of the draw strings significantly longer than the other, and the deathly pallor of the undead.  
Jace hopped back up on the counter. "Nice tan."  
Simon rolled his eyes. "Nice outfit."  
Jace was still wearing one of the ridiculous shirts that Magnus had sent for the party. That was fair game, so Jace just narrowed his eyes at Simon as Clary buzzed around him. He couldn't help but bite the bitter taste of Jealously back while watching Clary fuss over Simon, and the fact that she was smiling at him now with the most genuine smile he had seen on her in what felt like a very long time. Jace focused on picking the glitter from behind his nails.  
His head snapped up when someone said his name. Alec was looking at him expectantly. Jace blinked at him. "What?"  
"I asked what you thought."  
Everyone was looking at him, except for Clary, who was pulling plates from one of the cabinets. "About what?"  
Isabelle made an impatient noise. "About telling Mom and Dad about the false demon reports."  
"No." Jace slid off the counter, looking between his siblings. "Absolutely not. They will come home-"  
"Exactly." Alec shifted in his seat. "Like they _should_."  
"-And bring half the clave with them." Jace finished. "The one thing we don't need is more Clave officials sniffing around." _Sniffing around Clary_ , he thought.  
"It's our duty to report this to the Clave."  
"No, Alec." Jace said. "It's Emmet's duty. He's the one running the Institute right now and he doesn't seem to be too worried so neither should the rest of us."  
"I agree with Jace." Simon, who was leaning on the counter next to Luke, shrugged. "I mean, your last Inquisitor was the _worse-"  
_ "What would you know about it, Simon?" Isabelle didn't sound unkind. "I remember how angry Mom was when she got back from Idris after Renwicks because we didn't call her or anything."  
Jace clapped his hands. "And _yet_ , she still opted to send us home alone, again. Luke, what do _you_ think?"  
Everyone looked to Luke, who had been quietly flipping Pancakes, glanced over his shoulder at him. "I'm not going to tell you to lie to your parents."  
"But?"  
"But I think you might have a point about them bringing half the clave with them. Everyone is terrified of what will happen next, especially with the conclave's numbers being almost halved."  
Alec frowned, and Isabelle reached across the table and squeezed his hand. "Jace is right about Emmet."  
"What about the dark Magic?" Alec looked around at them all. "No one can tell me that that's not a little more than just out of the ordinary."  
Jace laughed dryly. "So _that's_ what this is about. You're just upset that someone threw a trash can at Magnus."  
"Someone threw a trash Can at Magnus?" Simon's eyebrows shot up. "Did he turn them into a desk chair afterwards?"  
"They got away." Alec looked glum.  
Jace remembered it bitterly, but at least Alec didn't bring up him being knocked out by what ever it was- especially in front of Simon. "I think we should wait and see what happens next. What's the worst that could happen?"  
Clary shivered. "Don't say that." She shook her head, and her hair floated around her shoulders. "I have a feeling we haven't even seen the worst, yet."  
Luke turned and thumped an old looking blue plate with a stack of pancakes on the small kitchen table. "Breakfast first, crisis talks later. Who wants pancakes?"

X

Everyone wanted pancakes, apart from Simon of course, who had a rocky relationship with anything that's not blood. They squeezed around Luke's small table, Simon chatting and story-telling about Italy. Clary's stomach grumbled loudly at the smell sugar. Jace had opted for Nutella on his pancake, which he had also managed to expertly wipe on Simons arm without him noticing. She looked around; Isabelle hanging off every word of Simon's story, Alec trying to Wrestle the Nutella off Jace before he puts anymore in Simon's hair, Luke sipping coffee as he looked out of the picture window above the sink. Everyone she loved, safe and together. No running or hiding or fear. She snapped back into the present when someone called her name.  
"You-" Jace was pointing at her with a spoon. "Eat something."  
She was glad everyone else was consumed in conversation so as not to notice she hadn't touched the pile of pancakes in the middle of the table. She forced a smile that didn't quite meet her eyes and grabbed a pancake. She didn't even realise how hungry she was until she started eating. Her stomach growled even after finishing three pancakes. By this time, Simon had discovered the chocolate all over him and waged war on Jace, ending in Alec having to sit between them. Hungry as she still maybe, she suddenly felt uncomfortably full.  
"I should go open the book store," Luke stretched as he got up. "I'm just out front if you need me."  
Clary thanked him for breakfast and watched him leave. Once the front door clicked softly shut, Jace leaned forward on his chair.  
"Now we can really talk."  
Clary frowned at him. "About what?"  
Alec signed disapprovingly. "Jace has a stupid idea that's not going to work."  
"What's new?" Simon snorted, and Jace shot him a cold glare before turning his gaze on Clary.  
"So, no one in the Downworld knows anything about these Demons being reported to the Institute -Or even how they are getting into the city- So I say we wait for the next report, and ask the demon where it came from."  
There was a few seconds of thoughtful silence, broken by Simon. "They talk?"  
"No." Alec said, at the same time Jace said, "Yes."  
Alec crossed his arms. "They hardly talk. Demon's are either too stupid to be able to talk, or to clever to let you know they can."  
Clary shuddered. "I've heard one talk- That demon in my mom's apartment told me it wanted to eat me."  
"Brilliant." Jace clapped his hands brightly.  
Alec made a noise of exasperation. "How would you even ask it? It would be too busy trying to rip us all to pieces to chit-chat. It's a _stupid_ idea."  
Clary couldn't help but agreeing with Alec. It seemed like everyone else did as well, because no one said anything. Jace threw himself back into his chair. " _Oh ye of so little faith_. We corner it, they seem to be turning up in alley ways, right? Block either entrance and close in on whatever it is until we get some information."  
"Don't you think we're getting ahead of ourselves?" Isabelle leaned her chin on her hand. "I mean, It's been quiet since Valentine's boat hasn't it?"  
Jace frowned. "What are you saying? That we're over-reacting?"  
She shook her head. "I just think that this doesn't feel like something Valentine would do. What for? To bait us?"  
It was hopeless trying to figure out what Valentine would do, Clary knew. It seemed like everyday brought a new horror into their lives. She was hit with a wave of nausea that made her have to dig her nails into her thigh. She bit down on her cheek. _What is wrong with me? Can't run without passing out, can't eat without feeling sick-_ Clary hastily jumped up from the table and ran to the bathroom in the hall. She could have thrown up in the kitchen sink, technically, but did she want her friends to see her vomit? Not really.  
She had time to kick the door shut behind her before throwing her breakfast up. Surly, this must be another side effect of the rune on her leg. She rested her head on the closed toilet seat. Her body didn't belong to her. It was marked with danger, with something that seemed to scream _death_. She'd lost control of her life, and now her own body.  
The soft knock on the door made her jump, and she let a breath out when Simon slipped into the room and looked at her with worry.  
"I'm fine." Clary sat up and tried her very best to smile at Simon. It didn't work.  
Simon's face didn't change. He looked at her hard. "Alec and Isabelle have gone over to Magnus's. I think they want to let you get some rest."  
"I don't need rest." Clary pushed herself to her feet. "I'm fine."  
"People who are fine don't throw up."  
Clary pushed past him out the bathroom. She almost bumped into Jace, who would probably have lost his grip on the glass of water he was holding if he wasn't _Jace_. He held it out to her, awkwardly. "Magnus's cocktails. They made me feel a little sick this morning as well."  
She winced at the memory but took the glass off him. Clary narrowed her eyes. "You didn't hear me throw up, did you?"  
"No."  
 _Well, It_ could _have been worse then_. Clary sipped the glass of water and Simon cleared his throat behind her. She hadn't heard him come out the bathroom.  
"I should probably go home."  
"What?" She frowned. "You just got here."  
"Just to shower and eat- then I'll come back, Okay?" Simon Smiled weakly at Clary.  
She returned it. "Promise?"  
Simon's smile faded. He looked at her a little strangely, almost like she would explode at any second. Maybe he thought she would be sick on Jace. Although, he would probably find that funny.  
Simon went home, giving Clary another tight hug and promising again he would come back in a few hours. Only once the front door had shut behind him, did she realise that she was alone with Jace.  
"And then there were two." He said cheerily, as she came back in the kitchen. He reached out for her hand, and Her breath caught in her throat. Hesitantly, Clary took his hand. He turned it over and pushed her sleeve up, exposing what was once an _Iratze_ but was now a blistered Scab. _Oh._ Her heart sank but she pushed the feeling away.  
He was looking at it with a solemn expression. "Do you have any first aid here?"  
Clary pulled her hand back and grabbed the kit from under the sink. Jace took it from her and organised it across the table methodically.  
"Sit." He instructed her.  
"You know I could do this myself, right?"  
"What kind of big brother would I be if I didn't patch up your boo-boos for you?" Jace's voice was flat. She forced laugh so as not to be left in silence by him calling himself her brother. She also tried not to focus on how close to her he was sat, leaning over her arm. His breath on her skin sent shivers up her body. He finished cleaning her wound in no time at all, and then her arm was expertly wrapped in a bandage.  
"I'm guessing you didn't get much sleep." He said finally, after she drew her arm back.  
Clary shook her head. "You?"  
He shook his head as well. "I wish it all wasn't so- so messed up."  
"which part?"  
He locked eyes with her. He looked tired, almost as tired as she felt. "All of it."  
"I'm sorry."  
Jace frowned. "Why are you sorry?"  
"Because," Clary picked at her bandage. "It feels like it's all my fault."  
Jace leaned back in his chair. "It's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault. Except our parents, maybe."  
 _Well,_ Clary thought, _You mean all the death and war, not that they couldn't help us being brother and sister either. But that's not what you're talking about. I'm just a horrible person.  
_ "If my mom had told me, about Shadowhunters- and you- do you think things would be different."  
He looked at her thoughtfully. "I think everything would be different."  
Clary didn't want to think about things being different. They weren't, so what was the point? She got up from the table and pulled her hoodie sleeve down to cover up her bandage. "I think I might try and get some sleep."  
Jace rose, nodding slowly. His eyes were ringed with shadows. "I'll get back to the Institute then-"  
"Or you could stay." Clary bit down hard on the inside of her cheek. "I was just gonna crash on the couch, but you don't have to go."  
 _Please don't go. Please don't leave me in this empty house._  
"Okay." Jace spoke quietly. "I can stay until Simon come's back."  
In minutes, Clary was curled up on one end of Luke's couch with Jace on the other end. He could have sat in one of the arm chairs, but Clary was glad he didn't. They weren't touching, but she could feel the weight of him next to her and it felt like an Anker, keeping her tethered to earth. Her eyes became almost impossible to keep open, and the sound of Jace's steady breathing next to lulled her into sleep like a lullaby ringing gently in her ears.

X

While in Italy, Simon had lost count of the times in Italy he had to pretend that he couldn't see the moving shadows in the winding streets he explored with his Mother and sister or that he didn't notice the Faeries stealing silver hood ornaments or change from the Roman fountains; Yet the hardest thing to ignore was the strange absence of Clary, that and the constant humming of chaos. He found it almost ironic that even though he was now immortal, he had never been so aware of death in his life. He had stupidly expected that when he came home, maybe things could have calmed down; Clary had certainly made it seem like that was the case when they texted or spoke on the phone. Turns out, Clary can lie surprisingly well.  
The first off thing he noticed when stepping into Luke's house was the state it was in. Piles of books crammed into corners, most of them with discarded coffee cups resting on them. Jackets thrown over chairs with abandon and dust covering most of the surfaces. Luke wasn't the tidiest person he had ever met, but the house looked almost _unlived_ in _._  
Then it was Clary. It was like looking at a ghost of a person. Her green eyes were framed by shadows so dark they were almost bruise-like and stood out against her dull, pale completion. When he had her arms around him, he could feel parts of her that stuck out unusually: Her ribs, Hip bones and collar bones. Clary looked sick. Clary looked _sick_.  
He kept his promise, coming back to Luke's later in the day. He let himself into the house and immediately found Clary on the couch. She looked like she was asleep. Jace sat on the other side of the couch, their hands almost touching. He looked up as Simon entered, putting his fingers to his lips and pointing at her.  
Simon rolled his eyes, knowing what a heavy sleeper she is. "You have that effect on people."  
He narrowed his eyes at Simon. "What is it?"  
"What?"  
"I saw the way you looked at Clary when you got here." Jace's voice was quiet, and he glanced over at Clary. "You looked at her like something was wrong."  
Simon's own voice dropped. "Has something happened? Because I don't understand why she looks like- like that."  
Jace's bottom lip looked like it was split, but Simon couldn't tell if it was from fighting or worrying at it. "A lot has happened."  
Simon felt a singe of annoyance. He remembered sitting across from Clary in Taki's the day after the lightwoods left.  
 _"It's only for a few days_." She had said with the least convincing smile that Simon had ever seen.  
"I bet a lot happened while you were gone, as well." Simon couldn't hold the bitterness out of his voice.  
Jace kissed his teeth, leaning back. "Ah, Simon Lewis: Mundane, Blood-sucker and _Hypocrite._ "  
"Oh no, we are not the same. I called her every day I was gone. I get the feeling maybe you didn't." It was true, not once had Clary mentioned the lightwoods to him in even one of their phone calls, but Simon hadn't dared to ask, either.  
"Don't think I don't know what I've done." Jace's gaze turned cold. "I know." He got up soundlessly and without looking at Clary.  
"Where are you going?"  
"I'm going back to the Institute." He shrugged a Jacket on and Simon stepped out of the way of the door. "Make sure she eats something."  
Jace was gone, door shut softly behind him. Simon blinked after him. Was anyone okay? Clary looked like she was a breath away from passing out, Jace seemed to be unravelling and by the state of Luke's house, Luke couldn't be at the top of his game either. Simon didn't want to regret going to Italy to remember his father, but he couldn't help it. Life here didn't seem to have waited for him, by any means.

X

"This isn't going to work." Alec stated for the 10th time that morning. He looked up from his book on demon magic to see if anyone acknowledged him. Isabelle was stretched out like a cat on one of the red couches, Book in hand. She lazily flipped thought the pages and exhaled loudly.  
"Your optimism is endless" Called Magnus, digging through one of the three trunks of books that Magnus has summoned earlier and called his 'personal collection.' Magnus's apartment was back to the normal, open plan layout that it was before the party. Alec watched his boyfriend go through hordes of books all morning, plucking out old, peeling books in scrawled languages that Alec couldn't read.  
"Wouldn't the Institute's library be a better place to look for books on demons?" Isabelle piped up, dropping her book. "That's kind of out thing."  
"Because" started Magnus, "You people tend to collect books on fighting demons, And that's all peachy, but that's not what we're looking for. I want to trace the source of the demons."  
Isabelle frowned. "I thought tracing spells was relatively easy?"  
Magnus looked up, displeased. His gaze rested patiently in Isabelle. "It _is._ But whoever did this has gone out of their way to cover their tracks. I'm high warlock, I can feel disturbances. Summoning demons isn't exactly light Magic, but I didn't feel it. The only way I can trace this is by taking down whatever spells they used to block this from me in the first place."  
"Jace wants to ask the Demons." Alec offered lightly, seeing the tension in Magnus's shoulders. Alec knew he was stressed about someone bringing demons into his city so easily. "I think the stress is getting to him."  
His attempt at joking was shot down by first confusion, then intrigue on Magnus's Face. "What did he have in mind?"  
"He wanted to corner one into talking." Alec paused. "I was _joking_ , you know-"  
Magnus crossed the room and grabbed Alec's face. "You're Parabatai might be an idiot, but you are a genius. I have an Idea."

X

The warmth hit Jace in the face like a wall when he stepped into Magnus's apartment for the Third time in 24 hours. Jace itched to tell Magnus about the way that the _Iratze_ had seemed to peel of Clary's arm. He'd never heard of anything like it ever happening to a Shadowhunter, and it made Jace's hair stand on end.  
The apartment looked like it normally would, decorated in some historical era's style that Jace didn't have the focus to place. Alec, Magnus and Isabelle all looked up as he came in.  
"What's in those?" Jace nodded to the trunks that scattered the room. He shut the door behind him and made a bee-line for the fire, warming his hands in front of it.  
"Books." Isabelle had a fringe of urgency to her voice. "Magnus likes your idea about talking to the demons."  
Jace turned around. "Ah, a man of taste."  
There were a few Blue suede seats around the fire, and Alec was sat in one. "It's just as ridiculous as your idea."  
"Always such a pessimist. Here." Magnus threw Jace a book from the trunk he was standing over. He caught it, and turned it over in his hands. "This is written in Chthonian. I don't speak it."  
Magnus smiled sweetly. "I know. None of you do. But I do, which is why I'm the only one who can judge if this is a ridiculous idea or not." He side eyed Alec. "And I think it's a fabulous idea."  
"We're going to summon a Demon." Isabelle said. "In Magnus's apartment."  
Jace blinked at her, then at Magnus. "Why?"  
The warlock threw himself down next to Alec. "You wanted to talk to one of the demons being summoned in, right? Except that was an absurd idea that would end in me having to come all the way to the institute to put your pretty head back on your shoulders, _so_ , if I cast a summoning circle and bring one into the apartment, it will be under my control and you can ask it what you want."  
"But we don't just want to summon any demon- it's got to be one that's already come into the city. How can you make sure it's one of them?"  
Magnus wiggled his fingers at the Shadowhunters. "That's were you people come in. plucking a demon from the void would be pot luck, but if we had a talisman bound the demon we wanted to summon then we could have any one the horrible things Valentine's being summoning."  
"What kind of Talisman?" Jace asked.  
Magnus shrugged. "A tentacle, spike, eyeball- anything. As long as it's from who you want to summon then it can be what ever you manage to slice off."  
Jace's head buzzed. This was an absurd idea, but it would work. He nodded enthusiastically and Alec groaned.  
Magnus clapped his hands together. "Perfect. Between you three, the stupid one and whatshisname, I'm sure someone can get their little Nephilim hands on some demon appendages."  
Isabelle snorted. "Caleb and Sebastian."  
Jace would rather face down 30 of valentine's demons then have help from Sebastian, but if it meant that this could get over and done with in as little time as possible, and with as little Clary involvement as possible, he would play nice with the slimy, smug bastard.  
"I'll go now." Jace wanted to tell Magnus about Clary's arm, but it was going to be impossible to get him alone with Alec and Isabelle here. "I'll go over to the Institute and check out Emmet's office for reports."  
Alec shook his head. "Emmet isn't there today, he's got to meet with Raphael about the activity on that side of town."  
"Even better. He's there all day?"  
"You can't break into his office, Jace-"  
Jace was already going. "It's not his office, it's Maryse's."  
Isabelle muttered something to Alec and Magnus signed. Minutes later, Jace found himself padding down the stairs from Magnus's apartment with Alec following behind him crossly. Jace couldn't help but smile to himself. Alec didn't think it was a good idea to break into Emmet's office, but he was coming anyway. Having Alec around calmed Jace's nerves. Even if he couldn't tell him about what was making him so nervous, the steady comfort of Alec following behind him made him feel like his burdens were shared, just a bit.

X  
 **PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE forgive this chapter in all it's rushed un-edited glory. I really had the hardest time ever writing it and I've never felt so unmotivated . I feel like everything I write reads really boring and that i'm doing a terrible job. Their won't be a chapter next week, as i'm going to Amsterdam. Please review my dudes. x**


	7. Chapter 7

**Trigger warning- self harm.**

X  
"Woah, Luke." Simon said, wiping his finger along the front desk in the book store. "You really let this place go."  
The book store at the front of Luke's house was a decent size, split up like a dusty labyrinth by alphabetized shelves. Clary had woken up to find Simon next to her, rather than Jace, flicking through the channels on the TV. Suggesting to help Luke in the store was her idea, a small piece of their normal lives they could recreate. They had spent a lot of time weaving between the dark wood shelves growing up, playing hide and seek to pass the time after school. Clary hoped it would feel normal- like before.  
Luke sighed. He was wiping the front window down with what Clary suspected might be a Taki's napkin. "You should see the stock room, It's like a mausoleum in there."  
"I'll feel right at home then." Simon rolled his sleeves up and headed for the tiny room Luke called 'the store room' that held boxes of orders that had piled up over the last month or so. Clary peered over the desk. It was dark wood, like the rest of the room. Cleaning supplies from the kitchen scattered it, as well as a red lock box that Luke always emptied the Cashier into. Clary shook it slightly, and it was empty. Her stomach shifted uncomfortably.  
"What's the point of being pack leader if you can't get your pack to do your house work?" Simon asked, coming back into the room carrying a large box filled with books like it was nothing.  
Luke raised an eyebrow. "They're not employees, and besides." Luke smiled at them. "I have you two."  
Clary pushed the empty lock box and the guilt that was brewing in her aside. She grabbed a spray bottle off the desk. "Let me." She took the napkin off him and he gave her a grateful pat on the back. Clary focused on the window. Luke and Simon's voices faded out as she gripped the napkin hard enough to make the spray cleaner drip down her arm as she meticulously scrubbed at the window. The store wouldn't be a mess if she wasn't always in Luke's way. The cash box wouldn't be empty if she wasn't always in Luke's way. Luke wouldn't look so tired if she wasn't always in his way.  
"Hey," Simon tapped her gently. "What are you thinking about?"  
 _Just how I wish I'd never been born._ "Nothing, why?"  
Simon took her hand and uncurled her fingers. The napkin had disintegrated in her hands. "Are you sure you're okay?"  
"I'm totally fine."  
Simon looked at her dubiously. "Just let me know if you're gonna hurl again, 'cause these look expensive." He eyed the box of new hardbacks he'd dumped on the floor, as Luke poked his head through the stock room door.  
"You hurled?"  
"Oh my god." Clary shot Simon daggers. "Can we stop talking about it?"  
Luke frowned. "I didn't think I was that bad a cook."  
"It wasn't your pancakes Luke, it was-"  
"Magnus's Cocktails?"  
Clary elbowed Simon in the ribs. "It was nothing- stress, maybe." She folded her arms. "I'm fine."  
Luke smiled unconvincingly. "Alright- but Simon is right about those books being expensive-"  
"Don't worry." Clary threw the crumpled napkin on the desk. "If I'm going to throw up again, I'm aiming for Simon."  
"Ah." Simon put his hands to his chest. "How I've missed the nice things you say to me."  
They worked fast in re-stocking the store, Simon lifting shelves and boxes, Luke alphabetizing and Clary working to get the dust off everything. It was only when she was running a duster over the crimes and justice section did Clary stop. "Luke," She said, abandoning her duster and finding him in the fantasy section. "What would happen if Valentine was caught?"  
Luke reeled around, the question taking him off guard. "What do you mean?"  
"Well, Shadowhunters don't really seem to commit crimes, do they? So what would happen to him?"  
Luke leaned against the book case, and after a few thoughtful moments said, "I don't really know. Shadowhunters do commit crimes, like Maryse and Robert. They got exiled, Hodge was cursed, Jocelyn would probably have had her marks stripped, had she not left before the circle fell apart."  
"There are cells in the Silent city like where they sent Jace."  
Luke nodded. "Usually those are where they send the most dangerous of criminals, murderers and the like. But as for Valentine-" He shook his head. "I don't know. That doesn't seem like enough for the Clave. Why do you ask?"  
Clary couldn't hear Simon moving things around anymore, and guessed he was listening in. "Last night, Jace said something to me about Valentine. About how at least one of us should be able to kill him. Do you think that's what will happen?"  
"I hope not." His voice sounded distant. "I hope that neither you or Jace will ever have to raise a weapon against him again, especially to kill him."  
Clary wanted to push it, to ask Luke again what he think _would_ happen, not what he _hoped_ wouldn't, but she didn't. It was hard to imagine Luke and Valentine being like Jace and Alec- Parabatai. The way they move like magnets, the way that they seem to talk to each other without speaking, the way they depend on each other- The idea was wrong to her. She remembered when Alec was almost killed in her apartment building, and how Jace had felt Alec's pain and it seemed as though he felt like he would die as well. Clary reluctantly went back to dusting the books off, thinking as little as she could about Luke feeling Valentine's pain.

X

The Institute wasn't empty, of course, but Emmet's office was. Jace was thankful for the stele he had slipped in his boot this morning before heading out to Luke's. He gripped it now, crouched in front of the office.  
"I already told you," Alec said from where he hovered next to Jace. "An opening rune won't work in the Institute. Unless you're Clary, probably."  
Jace shot Alec a look. "What does that mean?"  
"She draws powerful runes. Remember?"  
"Oh," Jace relaxed. _Calm down before you give yourself away being paranoid_. "Where is she when you need her, right?" He tried to keep his voice light. "And besides, I'm not an idiot." Jace didn't use his stele to draw a rune on the door, but slipped the pointed tip into the ornate key hole. He focused on unpicking the door, feeling the pins of the tumbler lock separate as he put pressure on the barrel. The last pin split and the lock clicked open.  
"I don't know whether to be impressed or worried that you know how to do that." Alec reached for the handle and pushed the door open.  
"Let's save being impressed for if we find anything useful in here. Although, I don't really think of Emmet when I picture 'useful'."  
They stepped into the room, Jace throwing a glance down the hall before shutting and locking the door behind them. The office looked exactly the same as the last time Jace had seen it. Piles of documents laying on the dark furniture in the room, as well as a few new piles on the floor.  
Alec whistled. "Mom would be horrified."  
"Why Emmet?" Jace reached for a pile of papers. "Of all the people to send to run this place, why did the clave send him? Clearly he has no idea what he's doing."  
Alec shrugged. "Mom said that no one else wanted the job. Do you blame them?"  
Jace made an absent noise of agreement as he flicked though the papers, tossing them to the side once he found they weren't anything useful. Alec had taken to going over the papers on the desk and would occasionally mutter about the lack of organisation. Jace's patience ebbed. He'd been over every document on his side of the room and found nothing on any demonic reports at all. This raised more questions than it answered. Emmet had said before that he wasn't sure who fake reports came from, but there was no documentation of them ever happening at all. Maryse had scolded her children hundreds of times before about filling the paper work for reports out wrong, Jace knew that it should be in here. Unless Emmet had deliberately not done it. Alec threw his hands up. "There's nothing here about those reports, or anything new."  
"Same here."  
"I don't understand," Alec started towards Jace. "This place looks like he dumped all the desk draws out-"  
Jace held up a hand to stop him talking. "Did you hear that?"  
"Hear what?"  
Jace walked over to Alec, and stepped on his foot. Alec protested crossly, but Jace put his finger to his lips. They fell silent as Jace did it again, a loud creak from the floorboard splitting the room. The boys dropped to the floor and Jace fumbled around the edges of the floorboard, looking to get it up.  
"Oh! Wait," Alec got up and fished something out of one of the desk draws. He held it out to Jace. It was a small, silver pen knife. "I think it's for opening letters."  
Jace took it and used it to pry the floorboard up. Under it, was a small hollow. It wasn't longer than a foot, and about half as wide. Inside was a stack of letters tied together with an elastic band, and a set of keys.  
"Those are for the greenhouse." Alec said, pointing to the keys. "Mom found them in Hodge's things."  
"I didn't know the green house locked."  
Alec shrugged. "I don't think they've been used in a while. I wonder why Emmet has them in here." Alec reached for them, but Jace swatted his hand.  
"He'll notice if they go missing. I'm more interested in those letters. Maybe Emmet has a Pen pal he's got locked in the greenhouse."  
"Or maybe they are just really privet and we shouldn't read them."  
Alec and Jace looked at each other for a few seconds, before Jace reached for the letters. " ' _For addressee's eye's only'_ " Jace read out loud. "Sorry, Emmet." He started to pull away the elastic band, but stopped. He handed them to Alec. "Is it me, or do these feel kind of- _hot_ to you?"  
Alec frowned down at them in his hands. "Now that you mention it-"  
The letters were suddenly engulfed in flames in Alec's fingers. He cried out and dropped the bundle of fire. Jace jumped up and stamped the flames out. Alec cradled his hands to his chest. They were red, with blisters already cracking across his palms.  
"Alec-" Jace dropped back down next to his Parabatai and coxed his hands away from him. "Let me see."  
Jace's stele was a flash of sliver in his hand as he made fast work of drawing three or four Iratzes on Alec wrists. Alec's face twisted in pain even as they watched the redness and swelling fade away.  
"Are you alright?" Jace touched the pad of his finger over Alec's palm. It felt a normal temperature now, and he exhaled.  
Alec nodded, curling and uncurling his hands. "I think Emmet might notice they are missing."  
"He might also notice that-" Jace pointed to the charred spot on the floor where he had stamped the flames out. "At least we know for sure that Emmet Whitetail is one shady guy."  
"We should get out of here before he gets back." Alec rose to his feet, kicking the lose floorboard back into place. "I don't feel like explaining this to him."  
Jace snorted. "I don't know, I'd like to see him explain the murderous mail, personally. I guess we should go find Caleb and Whatshisname about the demon summoning, anyway."  
"Sebastian." Alec rolled his eyes. "You know full well his name is Sebastian."  
"Yeah well, doesn't mean I want to say it." Jace headed for the door, Alec following him out into the hall.  
"Why don't you like him now?" Alec asked as Jace pulled the door shut.  
"I just don't."  
"Does it have anything to do with Clary?"  
Jace looked at Alec hard. "What makes you say that?"  
Alec shrugged, looking down at the floor. "He seems to like her, that's all."  
"Why do I care who likes Clary?" Jace jammed his hands in his pockets. _It's not like the idea of her moving on and finding someone Sebastian keeps me awake at night.  
_ Alec stopped walking, and Jace it pained Jace to look over his shoulder at him . Alec's face was almost unbearable to look at. It had pity written across it in the slight curve of his brow and hard-set shape of his lip. Jace bit down on the inside of his cheek as Alec said, "Last night, you had another nightmare. You said they had stopped."  
Jace lied effortlessly, even to Alec. "Mostly stopped."  
"Was it the same one as before? About Agramon?"  
Jace winced. He had spent many nights in Idris waking up on the floor, Alec holding him down as he thrashed and cried out. The memory of Clary dying in his arms on Valentines boat, though it wasn't really her, seemed to play on a permanent loop every time he closed his eyes. Despite killing the fear demon, It took weeks to stop the nightmares.  
Talking about this was easier than telling Alec the truth about Clary's dream. "Yes, it was the same one."  
"I thought maybe it would go away once you were around her again, maybe you could ask Magnus about something to help you sleep? I know you've missed Hodge's draughts."  
Jace smiled weakly at Alec, who's genuine concern made Jace's throat feel dry. "Maybe I'll ask when he's not busy." He turned around. "I should go and find Sebastian, tell him about the ritual."  
"I can talk to Sebastian, _really_ , I don't mind him-" Alec's voice was fringed with warning.  
"It's alright." Jace started walking away. "You find Caleb. Be sides, me and Sebastian get on _just fine_."

X

Clary couldn't focus on her sketch pad. She had picked it up from her desk and thrown herself down next to Simon on her bed, who was skimming a comic he'd found in Luke's store room, and tried her best to draw. But nothing came out. It was like her head was full of fog. Clary crossly slammed it shut.  
Simon looked at her over his comic. "Artistic juices not flowing?"  
"What artist juices? The only thing I can draw recently is runes, and they aren't even any good." She flopped across the bed sadly.  
He dropped his comic. "What did Luke mean earlier, about Jocelyn having her mark stripped?"  
Clary rolled onto her elbows. "It's something the Clave do when you really, really break the law or want to leave the Clave. They strip all your marks off and make you into a mundane. Apparently it _really_ hurts."  
"How do they do it?"  
Clary opened her mouth and closed it again. She hadn't thought about that, actually. " I don't know. Maybe I'll ask Jace about it."  
Simon frowned at her. "You and him- You're okay, right?"  
Clary wasn't sure how to talk about Jace with Simon. Her eyes fixed to the ceiling as her mind went back to what he had said to her on Luke's Porch, all those weeks ago.  
" _You'd rather pine over someone you could never possibly be with than try being with someone you can."  
"Just give me time," _She had pleaded _. "I just need some time to get over- to get over it all"  
"You're not going to tell me I'm wrong, are you? Not this time."_ His dark eyes looked huge, breaking her heart even more as they locked onto her own eyes, glassy. _  
"Not this time. I'm sorry."  
_ She finally turned to look at him. Becoming a Vampire had smoothed out his features: his skin looked flawlessly porcelain, his dark eyes large and watch-full.  
"we're fine." Words failed her when trying to describe her and Jace. Recently they seemed to have nothing in-between painfully close or painfully far-apart. "I think so, anyway."  
"Hmm." He said, raising a dark eyebrow. "I think he's losing it."  
"What do you mean?"  
Simon rolled onto his back, crushing his comic. "When I got here earlier, he just seemed a little unhinged. He told me to make sure you ate something, which you haven't, by the way."  
"Jace said that?" Clary sat up, anxiety seeming to strike her like a lightning bolt. "Why would he say that?"  
Simon's eyes widened as he pushed himself up as well. "Maybe because you threw up earlier? And, well," He paused and Clary hated the silence. "You've lost a lot of weight."  
"What?" She blinked at him, her hand automatically going to her waist. "No, I haven't."  
"Are you sure you're okay?" Simon's gaze was penetrative, and it made her squirm. Why did he have worry in his eyes, and why would he think he had lost weight? Clary was the same as she always was, right?  
"I'm fine, Simon." Clary forced a smile that almost met her eyes. Almost.  
Simon nodded and glanced down at his hands, seeing his watch, he whistled. "Who ever heard of a Vampire with a curfew?"  
"But it's the middle of the day!" Clary jumped up from the bed. "Do you really have to go?"  
"I have to unpack before my mom tries to do it for me and finds my blood-filled mini fridge."  
Simon got up and she watched up find his shoes and phone with an aching heart. She thought about telling him again for the 100th time that he needs to tell his mom, that he can only pretend so long before he finds out about his undead-ness, but the words died on her lips, knowing how scared Simon is. When the time is right, He'll tell her. Before he left, she pulled him into a hug, taking fist-fulls of his shirt. "I'm missed you." She said, muffled by his shoulder. He smelled like Shampoo and Simon. She didn't want to let go.  
He drew away from her, his hands still firmly planted on her shoulders. "You can tell me anything, you know?"  
"I know" she said, smiling faintly up at him.  
"No," He held her gaze. "I mean it, okay?"  
Clary nodded, and watched him disappear into the street, Lit up by orange light from the Grimy street lamp. The cold winter air prickled her ears and nose, she took a deep breath on the Icy air in, but her lungs still felt empty; The pressure on her chest returned.

X

In the vastness of the Institute, looking for someone can be pretty hard if you don't know them as well as Jace knew Alec or Isabelle. Sebastian was probably slinking about in the Library, but he had passed it this morning with Alec and already knew it was empty. The weapons and training room turned up nothing, the kitchen was as deserted as the two drawing rooms and the music room. Jace wouldn't have minded, but Sebastian is under his feet ninety percent of the time, so where is he now?  
Of all the places he would be, ducking under beds in the infirmary is not the place that Jace expected to find him. He stood in the door way for a moment, blinking at Sebastian. "Have you lost something?"  
Sebastian whirled, and looked genuinely surprised to see Jace. "Max is winning at Hide and Seek."  
"Max always wins and Hide and Seek." Jace strolled into the room, light pouring in from the floor to ceiling windows that lined the wall. "He won't be in here."  
Sebastian looked at Jace curiously. He showed no signs of having been at Magnus's party, not so much as a shadow under his eyes from the late night. Something about that made Jace feel even less in the mood to talk to him. "What is it you want?"  
"How do you know I want anything?"  
Sebastian abandoned his search for Max. "I can't think of any other reason you would want to talk to me."  
"Oh, I don't want to talk to you either way. I'm here because Magnus wants all the shadow hunters out looking for summoned demons." Jace recounted Magnus's idea to Sebastian, with as much curtness as possible. Once Jace was finished, he raised his dark eyebrows at Jace. "You take orders from a warlock?"  
"I tell you that we're going to summon a demon and you're stuck on _that_?" Jace stood up, adding coolly, "And I don't take orders from anyone. Not even Magnus."  
"Well," Sebastian tilted his head at Jace. "I'm surprised you told me at all. I thought I was meant to be staying away from you?" His tone dripped defensiveness.  
"I don't care if you stay away from me or not."  
"Just Clary?" He was keeping Jace's eye like he was watching for some kind of Spark.  
Sebastian would be less inclined to help him if he put his head through one of the infirmary windows. He grit his teeth. "Yes. Just Clary."  
"What if she's the one who doesn't stay away?"  
How much help would Sebastian really be, anyway? "Excuse me?"  
Sebastian smiled smugly. "Well, Clarissa is allowed to make her own choices, isn't she? What if she choses me?"  
Jace nodded reasonably. "Tell me Sebastian, was it from a great distance you were dropped as a child, or did you just land on something really hard?"  
Sebastian blinked at Jace. "Pardon?"  
Stepping towards him, Jace continued. "I'm just trying to understand how someone could be stupid enough to think that Clary wouldn't be able to see through your act. Sure, you smile and laugh and nod in all the right places, maybe you even drop a compliment or two and buy people drinks." He was arms length from the other boy now, and a dark shadow had passed over his features. Something seemed to be ranging behind his eyes like the reflection of fire in a bottomless black lake. "But at the end of the day, you will always be the kind of _nice guy_ who ends up pulling a drunk girl into his bedroom when you think no one is looking. No one is buying it, especially not Clary. "  
Despite the darkness burning in his expression, Sebastian's smile didn't waver. Like he was relishing in Jace losing his temper with him finally. Now, he stepped towards Jace, tilting his head. "But your still not sure, are you?"  
"Sure of what?"  
"Sure that Clary would choose you. Despite what she might think of me, you can't even begin to fathom what she might think of _you_ , Her _brother_." Sebastian chuckled. "I bet it eats you up inside."  
"On second thought, Sebastian," Jace curled his fingers into a fist. "I do care whether or not you stay away from me."  
Jace's went to pull his arm up, just as a creak in the floorboards on the far end of the room made both boys whirl around. Had they not been Shadowhunters, they probably wouldn't have heard it.  
"Max?" Jace's fist uncurled itself and he could feel the crescents in his palms.  
The youngest lightwood appeared, gingerly poking his head out from behind one of the privacy screens that sat at the end of each bed. Max eyed Sebastian. "Are you still playing?"  
"Sebastian's not very good at this game." Jace hit Sebastian with his shoulder as he went around him. The weight of Sebastian's glare was heavy on Jace head as he walked over to his adoptive brother and took his hand. "Looks like you won."  
"This time." Sebastian's voice was light, the same voice he used when talking to any of the lightwoods- pleasant, polite, friendly. But Jace could see the tension in his shoulders and tilt of his chin. "We'll see about the next round."  
Jace lead max out of the room, Sebastian in their wake. Something about the fire in Sebastian's eyes stuck a cord with Jace. Their was something about it that made him feel cold, but he couldn't put a finger on why.  
"What are we going to do?" Max looked up at Jace happily. The grip Max held his hand with was firm and trusting.  
"Oh," Jace hadn't planned on having Max, and he couldn't really give him back to Sebastian. "How about we find Caleb?"  
Max groaned.

X

Clary went back to her room and stripped her clothes off, down to her underwear. she looked over every part of her body. What had Simon meant, about her losing weight? She looked exactly the same: Same short, stumpy legs, same scrawny arms, same flat chest and pathetic hips. She'd been training for weeks and looked no different. Simon was wrong, and she needed to work harder. Eventually, her eyes rested on the black ugly scrawl on her thigh. Simon's words ran though her mind, and she wondered, how did they strip marks? Clary pulled her t-shirt back on and went to her bed, reaching under it until she found her borrowed codex. She grabbed the book and jumped up, flipping through it. She read aloud to herself. " _'A marks power can be Minimized or broken by the mark's being disfigured_.  
 _Foes my attempt to Burn or Cut marked skin in order to deprive a Shadowhunter of the benefits of those marks.'"  
_ Clary looked up from the book, surveying her dimly lit room. Light from the hall way spilled though the crack in the doorway. The light hit the Blade of the knife Luke had given her, making it gleam menacingly. She stared at it for a while. The Rune on her leg meant something. It meant something to Valentine and whatever he was planning. What ever he was planning involved this rune, and she could change that. Before she knew it, the knife was in her grasp. Her hands shook as she sat on the edge of the bed. _Like ripping off a band aid,_ she thought. _Just like a band aid._ Hesitant hands brought the blade to her thigh, resting on the edge of the black scrawly mess. She sliced the Rune across her leg, digging her nails into the grip of the knife so she didn't cry out. Blood immediately gushed out the cut. She cursed herself for not using common sense and going into the bathroom, or at least grabbing a bandage from the kitchen. _Maybe this wasn't such a good idea._ she yanked her sleeves over her palms and pressed down on the wound. Her thigh throbbed, Blood ran down her leg and into her sheets and the floor. Clary gingerly peeled her hands away, her breath hitching in her throat. She watched in a mixture of awe and horror, as the skin seemed to stitch itself back together over the rune, leaving only two cuts either side where the un-runed skin had not gruesomely sealed itself back together. The skin surrounding the rune had turned an angry red. She stared open mouthed at the Rune. Her hands gripped the blade so hard her knuckles turned white. The rune ached like it was still sliced in half, and her bed and floor were stained and spotted crimson.  
"Are you _kidding_ me?" she said aloud, her voice catching. Anger washed over her print sized body. Her own body was out of her control. Valentine had taken control of her mother, Life and now her body. In a fit of anger, she brought the blade across her leg again, two, three times until she jolted the knife from her hands and sent it clattering to the floor. _What is wrong with you?_ Clary shook all over as she stared down at her red stained hands. What was happening to her? All she could feel was the ringing in her ears, despite the blood running down her leg. Clary snatched her phone from next to her on the bed. She could hardly see the screen through her the hot tears of panic threatening to spill over. She pressed the phone to her ear, the dial tone silencing the ringing in her ears.  
Jace picked up the phone. _oh my god, he really picked up_. " _Hello_?"  
What was she thinking? What was she going to _say_? There was blood everywhere, she was half naked and crying. Her leg looked lie she'd been attacked and she couldn't even put an _Iratze_ on it.  
" _Clary? Are you there_?"  
She slid onto the floor from her bed. "Hey- I just had a -er- question, but it doesn't matter now."  
There was a few seconds of silence. " _o-kay. Is everything okay_?"  
"Everything is fine." She pushed the knife further away from her with her foot. "Everything is totally fine. Is Everything okay with you?" She tried to sound normal while steering the conversation. Her thoughts raced, filling her head with noise and pulling her into her own world, so much so, she didn't hear a word Jace said, or the latch of the newly repaired window click and be pushed up and open.  
"Clary-?" The male voice snapped her back to reality. But it wasn't coming from the phone, it was behind her. Clary reeled around on her knees with a scream in her throat, dropping the phone.  
"Sebastian-," she breathed. He stood at the window, dressed clad in black gear. His pitch hair blew in the freezing breeze from the window. He looked like an Illustration from the codex, a perfect Shadowhunter, his gear fitting him like it was his second skin. Sebastian realised she wasn't dressed and instantly turned his back to her, a flush high on his cheeks. "I- I should have knocked-"  
Jace's voice filled the room and she scrambled to pick the phone up. " _Clary, do you need me to come over_?"  
That made Sebastian turn around again, shaking his head and flailing his arms.  
"No- No it's all okay- I'll talk to you later, okay?"  
" _Clary_ -"  
She hung up and fumbled for her jeans off the floor. "Sebastian, why the _hell_ are you breaking into my house?"  
"I didn't think Luke would let me in," He sounded extremely embarrassed. "Are you bleeding?"  
"No." Clary hoped her jeans were tight enough to stop the cuts bleeding. "I'm not."  
He didn't push it, whether he believed her or not. "I'm sorry for barging in -I came to apologise about last night- and now I've made it worse."  
"It's okay," Clary had done her jeans up and stood awkwardly, hoping he didn't come around the bed and see the blood all over the floor. "There's nothing to apologise for."  
He turned, with a surprised expression. "My behaviour was terrible, Clary. I was not acting the gentleman I was raised to be. Let me make it up to you, please."  
Clary bit her lip. "I'm really tired, Sebastian."  
"Please," He clapped his hands together. "At least hear me out?"  
Jace would probably have a fit if he knew that Sebastian was in her room, and even more so when she didn't turn him away. "What did you have in mind?"  
He smiled. A wicked, curled smile that could get away with murder. A smile that you could walk right into Hell with and overthrow lucifer himself. "Demon hunting."  
She blinked at him like he was insane. "What?"  
"We got a report this evening of some Demon activity, so I intercepted it before anyone else heard it. I guessed that you would be going a little stir-crazy by now, with not being aloud on missions and all."  
Se wasn't, actually. She hadn't thought about demon hunting at all. "Does Jace know you're here?"  
"What do you think?" He looked amused.  
Clary shook her head. "He'll kill me. He'll kill _you_ " Clary's mind instantly went to her rune. She couldn't heal. Would Jace forgive her if she took such a risk? "I don't think I can go with you, Sebastian."  
He didn't waver. "I guess I could go on my own, but two is much better for hunting than one, and the sooner we get what we need for the ritual, the better, right?"  
Clary frowned at him. "Ritual?"  
"The demon Summoning ritual," Sebastian blinked at her. "Didn't Jace tell you on the phone? Magnus has a plan to summon one of the demons that keep showing up so we can question it."  
Clary folded her arms. "No, He didn't tell me. When did this plan happen?"  
"He told me this morning."  
Clary sat down on the edge of the bed. "He didn't mention it at all."  
Sebastian looked sheepish. "Well…"  
Clary groaned. "What else is it?"  
"Well, he told me I had to stay away from you and he wasn't very nice about it, either. You're right about him killing me if he knew I was here."  
Clary raked her hair away from her face. "Turn around." She said.  
"What?"  
" _Turn around,_ I need to change into this gear."  
Sebastian grinned, he beamed at her and turned around. How dare Jace leave her out of this? How dare he threaten Sebastian? She put the gear pants on over her leans, the cuts on her leg having bled through. Had she been less consumed by anger, she would have worried that Sebastian had seen her rune, but right now all she cared about was pissing Jace off. She didn't have time to clean the blood up so she drew a quick locking rune on her door and followed Sebastian out of the window.  
"So where are we going?" she asked, keeping her voice low.  
Sebastian dug around in his pockets. "I have the Address written down-" he handed her a crumbled post it note. "I don't know the city very well, but I think you can find this- C'mon." He offered her his arm, and she took it.

The Address was in queens, only a cab ride away from Luke's, and they made good time getting there. They made idle chat on the way, Clary talked about her Mother's Paintings and Sebastian told her about how his Aunt taught him to play the Piano. Something about Him made Clary want to learn more. She wanted to peel away the Glamor that seemed to cover him. She wanted to Solve him like a puzzle. He gave her a run down of everything Jace had said to him, and she listened in a silent anger. "I'm sorry about him." She said when they got out the cab.  
He shrugged. "Big brothers. They can't help it."  
They stood before a derelict building. It was a few stories high, with some windows smashed and others boarded up. Graffiti plastered the walls. Sebastian pulled out a sensor from his gear jacket. "Will there really be demons here, in day light?"  
"There in side. Here- hold this," He extended the sensor out to her, she took it. "Now walk towards the building."  
She did. To Clary's awe, as she got closer to it the sensor started to buzz in her hands. By the time she stood inches from the walls, it was vibrating strongly. She couldn't help but grin like a child getting a new toy.  
"Pretty cool, huh?" He said, at her side now. "I think there might be a side door- Ready?"  
Clary buzzed like the sensor. Her worries about Jace faded away with the prospect of being on a real mission, with a sensor and everything. And unlike Jace, Sebastian didn't make her second guess her abilities. He made her feel like it was _their_ mission, not just one she was tagging along on. She grinned "Let's go."  
He was right about the side door, the filthy side alley had one into the building. An unlocking Rune clicked it open, and they went in.  
Once Sebastian's witch light lit the room up, Clary exclaimed, "Oh my god!" The door opened up to a room filled with antique furniture, colonial style chairs, dozens of stacked chandeliers, dark wood tables; Some covered in white sheets, others just in years' worth of dust. "What is this place?"  
Sebastian shrugged, holding his witch light over his head. "No idea, Must have been some storage space or something, I guess someone just forgot about it all."  
Clary had no idea who would forget about this. She ran her fingertips over a crystal lamp, resting on an old charm cabinet. Her fingers came away black. "They look so _old_ ," she said, turning to him.  
He nodded. "Clary- still got those Seraph Blades?"  
She had tucked them into her belt before climbing through her window earlier. She drew them out and handed one to him. "Gadeel" He named the blade, it flared to life. He looked at her expectantly.  
"Oh, right- erm-," She racked her brains for Angel names that she had tried to memorize. "Gabriel" she called, firmly. Her blade lit up. He tucked his Witchlight away, the room now lit up with the light of their Blades.  
They started to make their way through the room, weaving in and out of Oak Chairs with grand carvings up the backs and marble topped tables. The deeper into the room they got, the stronger the stench of demons became.  
"Look-" Sebastian jerked his head towards a door in front of them, or really, what was left of a door. I looked like it had been smashed through; what was left on the hinges on the door frame where jagged and covered in a black substance.  
"Ichor," Clary said, gripping her blade tighter.  
Sebastian nodded. He took the lead towards the door, making no noise. His movements were graceful and fluid, like smoke.  
The door lead to a grand foyer, with a staircase leading up to the next floor. A crystal chandelier hung, catching the light of their weapons.  
Sebastian whistled, looking around the room. "Wow"  
"This is so cool" Clary said, excitedly.  
Sebastian laughed. "Easily pleased, Huh?"  
"Don't even try to tell me this isn't cool" She said, turning to him.  
" _I_ think it's cool. Most other girls wouldn't."  
She raised her eyebrows. "You lure many girls out to Abandoned buildings to kill things?"  
"Only the special ones." He wasn't looking at her, Thankfully. She wished she didn't get flushed so easy. "Besides, I would Hardly say I _lured_ you, I like to think you came willingly."  
"After you climbed though my bedroom window?"  
"You, my lady, Have a point."  
Before she could reply, a loud banging noise echoed through the building, followed by something being dragged above them. Sebastian moved to the staircase, Peering up it. He motioned her over.  
"I'm not sure how stable this is," he whispered, motioning to the staircase. "What do you think we should do?"  
Clary was taken aback. She was usually told what do to in these situations, not asked. She inspected the stairs. The wood looked ancient, eaten away by rot and bugs. It wouldn't take both their weight.  
"I'm small," she started, Uneasy "So I'll try the stairs and see if I can see much of the next floor from the landing."  
Sebastian agreed. She gingerly started to climb the stairs, carefully avoiding steps that didn't look to good, or just out right holes. She reached the landing of the first flight. She instinctively crouched. She could see Sebastian, watching like a hawk from the bottom of the stairs. He smiled encouragingly. She raised her blade up, Lighting the landing up. It opened out onto a hall way, white doors lined the walls. She didn't see anything unusual. She slowly stood up.  
She opened her mouth to call out an all clear, she turned to Sebastian. She could see him by the light of his blade, and not much else in the room. But Clary squinted over Sebastian's shoulder. She could have almost sworn she saw something _move_.  
"Sebastian- behind you!"  
He whirled around, welding his blade. The light cast all the darkness and shadows away, all except one. It was a human shaped figure, with legs and arms and a head with two glowing yellow eyes. Sebastian sprang into action. He brought his blade down in an arch, but the demon seemed to spread out like smoke, avoiding it. As Clary watched the Demon re-form, she realised that it wasn't like smoke, it _was_ smoke. She barrelled down the stairs, ignoring how fragile they were.  
Sebastian turned to her. "This is an Iblis demon,"  
"Is it-?"  
"Smoke? Yeah- we should try to get it into a corner. Don't let it touch you." He paused, looking at her. Clary could see his face was flushed and his hair tousled, but he looked like a live wire. Jace was the only other person she had seen come so to life in battle. He bust forward, his blade in front of him. The demon veered to the right, dodging him. Clary moved instinctually to block its path. The demon struck out at her with a long, Black arm. She jumped back and brought her blade down, striking the demon. It jumped back, hissing at her. Sebastian advanced on it, coming up from behind. He sailed towards it, and the Demon lunged for him. Clary watched as Sebastian flipped backwards into the air, landing on his feet with a good distance between him and the Demon.  
He looked over the Demon's shoulder at her. Something Flashed across his Face, Panic maybe? She didn't have time to find out. "Watch out-!" He cried.  
Before she could react, something slammed her into the wall, Hard. She dropped her weapon as she hit the floor. She rolled on her back and onto her feet -like in training- and whipped her head up to look at what had knocked her over. A large form of a man stood before her, made of smoke with no face other than yellow, eerie eyes like marbles. Another Iblis demon. Clary fumbled on the floor for her weapon, but couldn't find it now it was extinguished. Something from her Codex ran though her mind. _Anything is a weapon_. The demon started towards her, she ducked and dived away from its strikes until it had backed her against the wall. She reached her hands up the wall, panickily fumbling for something- her fingers brushed cool metal. She found what she had been looking for. She whipped around and grabbed the huge, antique picture frame with both hands and yanked it away from the wall. Knowing that the demon would take advantage of her having her back turned, It lurched at her as she swung the frame around with all her might. She knew it was impossibly heavy, but she couldn't feel it. This was the feeling that her friends had spoken about, the buzz in you veins, the fire in your belly, the reason Sebastian's face was flushed but he smiled like a child on Christmas. This was the height of battle.  
It shattered around the demon, sending glass flying in every direction. The Frame broke in half, and whatever old art work that was once displayed in it was ripped to pieces. The Demon flung it's self-backwards, and Clary discarded the pieces of frame for a large piece of glass. She flew forward at the demon, taking advantage of it being off guard. It hissed and stubbled, evading her attempts. Every time she got close enough, the smoke changed form and threw her off. She was close enough to the demon to get a good look at it. It's yellow eyes hung in it's smoky face with no socket. She could see now that they were like stones. As a last, risky resort, she lunged forward again, she plunged her hand into the smoke of it's face and closed her hand around one of the yellow eyes. The demon screamed and trashed, but now she had a solid hold on it. She brought the glass across the neck of the smoky form, severing what would be a head. With a final trash, the demon condensed into ichor, splattering her feet.  
She dropped the glass. Her body still buzzed with adrenaline. She looked at her hand. In the palm of it was a yellow, stone like sphere that she had plucked from the Demon's face.  
Clary whirled around. She had just noticed that the room was no longer dimly lit with the light from Sebastian's blade. She was alone in the room. "Sebastian- where are you?"  
"In here-" He called back. She followed the sound of his voice, and She could see him as she went back into the room filled with furniture. "Are you alright?" he asked her.  
"yeah- you?"  
He nodded. "I saw you start to take on that Demon -mine lead back me into here- You're a great fighter, Clary. I don't know Jace doesn't let you go on missions more."  
"Oh- Look" Clary held out her hand with the eye in, steering the conversation from Jace.  
Sebastian gasped. "Clary- do you know what this means?"  
"Oh god- is it toxic or something?" She held her hand away from her body.  
His shoulders shook as he laughed. "No, it's not toxic," He closed her fingers around the eye. "You got what we needed for the summoning spell" Sebastian beamed at her, still holder her hand. "You did it, Clary."  
She smiled as well. Despite the ichor on her shoes, or the fact that she was holding demon eyeballs, she felt exhilarated. She had killed a real Demon, all on her own. She had got what Sebastian said they needed. She had done something good for once, and Sebastian had believed in her. "Should we take these straight to Magnus's or to the Institute?"  
"Well," Sebastian bit his lip. In the dimness of the room, the shadows made his cheekbones looked like they were carved out of the marble of this pale face. "Maybe I should take them to Magnus alone."  
"Oh," Clary deflated. "You don't want me to come with you?"  
He grabbed her shoulders. "No, it's not that. You should be marching these eyes over to him with all the glory you deserve after that fighting, it's just- well- I think Jace might be really angry and I don't want to get you in any trouble."  
Clary wanted to stamp her foot and shout about how angry she was, Jace having tried to cut her out of the loop completely. But then Clary remembered that Sebastian had to live with Jace, and it was a nice thing he had done by letting her come along. She handed the eyes over to him. "Good point."  
He took them off her and tucked them into his gear pockets. "Shall we get going? I bet Luke's wondering where you've run off too." Sebastian lead the way out.  
"Not really, He's probably busy in the book store."  
"It's unusual." Sebastian glanced back at her. "A werewolf living with a Shadowhunter."  
Clary stepped over a broken lamp, glass crunching under her foot. "It's not like that, He helped my mom raise me. Luke is -well- Luke is my dad, I guess."  
He didn't say anything after that, and lead the way out into the daylight in silence. Clary guessed that like the Lightwoods, he probably hadn't been around people his own age, let alone mundanes or blended families.  
They stepped out into the sunlight and Clary squinted, trying to adjust her eyes. "Do you know how to get to Magnus's from here?"  
He nodded. "I think so."  
"I'll walk you." She smiled at him. "It's on my way home, anyway."  
He smiled back at her, gesturing for her to lead the way. "All this walking is good for me. I need to get used to finding my way around."  
"Are you planning on staying in New York?"  
Sebastian nodded enthusiastically. "For as long as I can, anyway."  
They stepped out into the street from the Alley way and Clary shoved her hands into her pockets. "Do you have something to get home to?"  
He shrugged, and raised an eyebrow at her. "You trying to get rid of me?"  
"No no, I just wondered about your Parents."  
He smiled weakly. "Both dead, and no siblings."  
Sebastian spoke matter-of-factly, and Clary bumped shoulders with him. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry."  
Looking down at her, he shrugged. "Curse of the Nephilim. We die suddenly, and usually young. But enough about that. What about your parents?"  
They chatted on the way towards Magnus's apartment building, Clary gushing over her mother's paintings and how she would always let Clary help her mix paints, even if she got it in her hair every time. She liked talking about Jocelyn. It made her feel real again, like she would be waiting for Clary when she got home.  
Once they did get to the steps of Magnus's building, she was relieved to be almost home. The Ichor on her shoes was starting to make a hole. "Thanks Sebastian. I had a surprising amount of fun killing things in an abandoned building with you."  
"My pleasure." He took a step towards her and looked down at her with big, dark eyes. He was beautiful, and Clary could see how it would be easy to fall into his eyes like the bottomless wells they looked like, but something made her step back from the ledge. When he leaned in to kiss her lips, she instinctually turned her head so he kissed her cheek.  
"I really did have fun." She offered, looking apologetic.  
He took a step away from her, going up the stairs. "Me too." Sebastian looked down on her sadly. "I'll see you tomorrow, Morgenstern."  
Sebastian turned and jogged into the building, and Clary watched him go. When ever someone called her by her last name, they always used 'fray' or 'Fairchild'. Never Morgenstern. She shook it off and started her walk home, deciding to run the last few blocks back. She might as well get some running in, means as she'd ruined her run this morning by passing out. Clary was breathing hard when she got onto Luke's street, slowing back to a walk to catch her breath as she turned onto the drive away. She felt like it had been knocked out of her once again though, when she looked up and saw Jace, sitting on the steps of Luke's porch with his phone in his hands. Jace looked up at her.  
 _Good luck explaining this one.  
_

X

 **Hey! Sorry this took a while to get up! Amsterdam was great but art school is crazyyy and dead lines have me swapped! Anyway, do you guys like longer chapters, or shorter ones? this feels like it jumps around a lot, so sorry about that!  
The lovely reviews on the last chapter really inspired me to write a lot this week! love you guys.  
XXX**


	8. Chapter 8

"Aren't you over doing it?"  
Clary stood frozen, blinking at Jace. He was sat on the steps of the house with a thick jacket on zipped all the way up. She'd expected to give him an earful for not telling her about the ritual, but now all she could do was fumble for words. Clary had fun with Sebastian. Actual, real fun. The rush of adrenaline she'd felt from fighting had sent a current through her, making her feel more alive in the last hour than she had in the last month. "W-what?"  
Jace eyed her gear. "Going for two runs in one day, especially after a bad nights sleep and throwing up earlier."  
"Oh," Clary looked down at her Blood-spattered shoes. "Right, I went for a run. I guess I am over doing it a little."  
"I know how hard you've been working." Jace was turning his phone over and over in his hand. "But you'll be no good to anyone if you run yourself down."  
Clary stared up at him. _Know how hard i've been working?_ "You do?"  
He nodded. "You want to be a Shadowhunter. Who am I to stand in the way of that? I'll write you a real training plan once everything stops trying to kill us all. Maybe Maryse will even replace Hodge."  
"Are you feeling okay?" Clary stepped towards him. "You're not yelling at me."  
Jace laughed dryly. "Is that all you think I want to do? Yell at you?"  
"No." Clary kicked at the step of Luke's porch. "I just thought you would. I mean, you came all the way down here right?"  
"Well," He held the phone up to her. "After that extremely strange phone call I wanted to check that rune hadn't gone to your head."  
"It wasn't strange." _I mean, my floor was covered in blood and Sebastian had just climbed through the window, but that seems pretty mundane in comparison to the rest of my life._  
"You asked how I was, made a noise like you threw the phone on the floor then hung up."  
That's scarily accurate. "Bad signal."  
He looked at her dubiously, but dropped it. "And there was something else to, but I didn't want to tell you over the phone, anyway." Jace pat a space on the step next to him.  
Clary sank down and looked at him with apprehension blooming in her chest.  
His gaze rested on her intensely. "I wasn't going to tell you about this, but I don't see the point in lying anymore, especially with that thing on your leg now. I hate all the lying. To Alec, to Luke, especially to you. Do you know what I mean?"  
"Yes." She bit into the inside of her lip. "I know exactly what you mean."  
"Of course you do." He reached for her hand, and turned it over in his own. She held her breath as he pushed the sleeve of her gear up and exposed the bandage on her forearm. His fingers brushed her skin lightly. "You're the one who has to bare this."  
"It doesn't hurt." Clary said all in the one breath she'd been holding. They were sitting so close that she worried he might hear how her heart thumped. "It doesn't hurt at all, now."  
"I can't bare the idea of anything hurting you." His fingers still rested on her arm, and he let out a shaky breath that tickled her neck. "Which is why I wasn't going to tell you about the ritual-"  
Clary felt like he'd thrown a bucket of icy water over her. _Please lie to me._ "What ritual?" _Don't let me be the only liar._  
"Magnus has a plan to summon a demon, one that was already summoned by valentine, and interrogate it."  
"Why didn't you want to tell me?" She sounded normal, despite the guilt that was burrowing though her chest like a knife.  
Jace looked down at where her arm still rested in his hand. "Because of that rune. I thought that it wouldn't be safe for you to be around a demon, but then I realised that you'd find out anyway and that would just drive you away from me. What good is that going to do?" He brought his eyes to meet hers, and the sincerity in them felt like it was a blow to her heart, finally stopping it in her chest. "I don't want to drive you away."  
 _I went demon hunting with Sebastian. He climbed into my bedroom and I didn't turn him away. I risked it all because I was angry at you for something you didn't even do._  
She couldn't shatter the look in his eyes. "When is the ritual happening?"  
Jace shrugged. "I'm not sure, there's still some things Magnus needs to find for it." He wrapped his fingers around her wrist. "Do you forgive me?"  
Clary wanted to wrench her hand away from him and punch herself in the face. "Forgive you for what?"  
"For almost lying to you about the ritual. It was cowardly of me."  
"But you didn't even do it." Clary focused her eyes on his fingers around her wrist. "You didn't lie at all."  
Jace signed. "What would it achieve? Me and you need to work together if we're going to get that rune off your leg." When Clary finally made herself look him in the eye, he was looking back at her with a faint smile that didn't reach his eyes. "No more lying to each other. We're family, and I'm going to start acting like it."  
 _Please don't. Anything but that, please_. "No more lying." Did her voice sound normal? She couldn't tell. The porch felt like it was rippling beneath her like water.  
Clary felt the ghost of a feeling. The feeling she felt that day in Taki's, when Jace said he would only be her brother from then on. It was like having your heart shatter in your chest mid-beat, as if words could change the rhythm of your pulse. Now, she felt a shadow of the heart break. Her heart beat had never recovered from the first time he had lost his feelings for her, and now it was just salt in an old wound. _We're family.  
_ "Great." He gently put her arm into her lap. "I'm heading over to Magnus's, if you want to come. The sooner this ritual is over with the better."  
She shook her head. "I'm pretty tired," _I need to go inside to cry._ "And I think Luke's waiting on me for dinner."  
"Good," He said, getting up. "Make sure you have enough to eat. Oh," Jace started down the steps. "I found something weird in Emmet's office today, But I call you about it later. Maybe we can have an actual conversation before you hang up on me."  
She called some agreement back to him as he walked away. Clary dug her nails into her hands until the skin broke. She had lied to Jace's face. What was a white lie, when it came to someone you wanted to be happy? Jace, for all his talk about not driving her away, would be furious if he knew she had gone on a hunt with Sebastian, and that would lead to him and Sebastian being at each other's throats. The reason behind it didn't subdue the swelling guilt inside her.  
Clary got up, and thundered down the porch steps. She didn't stop until she got to her bedroom window and threw herself up and through it, bitterly wondering how she would get the blood stains off the she had sheets she had left behind earlier today.

X

Takeout Menus were strewn across the breakfast table of the Kitchen in Simon's house. It was probably not uncommon to have a 'regular' place to eat, like a the deli not far from Clary's old apartment that was a staple of Simon's childhood, or even how Taki's seemed to be the only place the Lightwoods ever ate in. Simon's mom didn't have a 'regular' place to eat.  
"How about this one?" His mom thrust a menu at him. Simon couldn't eat solid food, and he had pretended to read at least four of these menus already.  
"No," Rebecca said, craning to see over his shoulder. "I don't feel like something spicy."  
He looked between his mom and Sister. Rebecca didn't look much like him, but Clary said they had the same cool, brown eyes- even if Simon's colour seemed closer to black these days.  
Neither of them knew that he was a vampire. Apparent in the was his mom turned her warm gaze on him and asked. "What do you feel in the mood for, Honey?"  
Knocking on the front door saved Simon from answering.  
"I got it." Rebecca jumped up, patting Simon on the head as she went passed him out into the hall.  
"Are you feeling alright?" His mom reached for his hand, but he recoiled. His skin would feel ice cold to her. "You look pale."  
 _That would be because I'm dead, mom._ "Jet lag." He covered pulling away by pushing his hair out of his eyes. "I might crash soon."  
The door into the kitchen opened, and Simon missed his mom's reply as his jaw hit the kitchen tiles.  
Rebecca came back into the room slightly red in the Face, followed by Jace.  
"It's for you, Simon." She said, making wide eyes at her mom that Jace couldn't see. Simon was speechlessly looking between Jace and his mom.  
Jace smiled at Simon's Mom. "Sorry to interrupt your evening."  
His mom smiled back, and elbowed Simon. "A new friend of yours, Sweetie?"  
"This is Jace. He's Clary's-" _Her what?_ " "Friend as well. From School."  
"Oh," She didn't seem to notice the daggers that Simon was shooting at Jace and the smug expression that Simon knew meant he was enjoying this. She was too busy beaming at Rebecca, then Jace. "Well, would you like to join us for something to eat? It's always nice meeting Simon's _friends._ Have you known each other long?"  
Jace shrugged, being as charming to his mother as he was to the Seelie Queen. "You could say it feel's like years."  
"How _nice_. Are you in the band as well? Oh- What's it called now, Simon? You're always changing the name."  
Rebecca wiggled her eyes at Simon, and he quickly stood up from the table, unable to stand his two worlds crossing for another second. "Did you want something, man?"  
"I was passing by on my way to grab something to eat and wondered if you wanted to come with."  
Passing by? From where? He wants something, or he wouldn't be here. "Sure," Simon said, glancing at his mom. She nodded and Simon made his way towards Jace and the door out into the hall as normally as he could. "I'll see you guys later."  
"You boys be careful, okay?"  
Jace smiled dazzling over his shoulder as Simon shoved him through the kitchen door. "I'll take good care of him."  
Simon rolled his eyes and pulled the kitchen door behind them. Jace wasted no time in getting out of the house, Simon hurrying behind him struggling to put shoes on and walk at the same time.  
"How do you know where I live?" The door shut behind them and Simon zipped his jacket up, not that He needed it.  
"Don't worry about it."  
"I'm extremely worried about it."  
"There are bigger things to worry about right now." Jace said, "Like the fact that Clary is hiding something."  
Simon, conscious that his Mom and sister were peeping at them through the kitchen window, started after Jace down the drive way. "What do you mean, hiding something?"  
"You said it yourself earlier. She looks sick but have you noticed the way she's been acting?"  
Simon had noticed. Clary would zone out for minutes at a time like she was submerged in water, her nails were bitten raw and she seemed so defensive when he so much as asked how she was. "Like what?"  
They were walking aimlessly, Jace's pace was fast and irritated. "Today I went by after I got a really weird phone call from her. Luke said she was sleeping but then I bumped into her on the porch, dressed in gear."  
Simon was working hard to keep up with Jace. "I don't think that's all that strange. You guys are meant to train all the time, right?" Jace didn't say anything. He was out of breath, and Simon could see that his eyes were blood shot. When he really, really focused, he could hear Jace's heart slam in his chest as if he was running for his life. What was wrong with him? "Is there something you're not telling me?"  
Jace stopped walking, and stared at Simon with an intensity that made him step back. "Tell me how to look after her like you do, because all I seem to be doing is making it worse."  
He stared at Jace. This is what desperation must look like. Simon almost pitied Jace, before he snapped out of it. "You have a special way of making everything about you, did you know that?"  
The intensity in Jace's eyes was extinguished immediately, replaced by something much colder. "I don't care about me. I care about Clary. I thought you would understand but I must have been mistaken, vampire."  
There it is. Jace's sure fire way of trying to make Simon forget the burning desperation he had in his eyes just minutes before, so that all Simon would be is annoyed rather than think Jace might actually have feelings. Simon rolled his eyes. "You want to help? Why don't you start treating her like a person and not a problem for a change."  
Simon turned on his heal and started to strop home, feeling Jace looking at the back of his head as he walked away, and not even turning to glare back at him when he heard Jace's phone ring. Simon only turned around when he heard the tone in Jace's voice.  
"What do you mean tonight? How can he be ready?"  
Simon stopped. If he had any sense, he would turn back around and walk as fast as he could away from the Shadowhunter and go home to his mom and sister and there normal, mundane take out.  
Jace had finished muttering quietly down the phone and snapped it shut. He started walking away from Simon, just as the street lights around them blinked on.  
Grumpily, Jace called out. "Are you coming or not?"  
He threw one last look towards his house before running to catch up with Jace.

X

 **ONE NEW TEXT MESSAGE FROM : JACE  
Ritual happening tonight. Meet at Magnus's.**

Clary had wasted no time after getting that Text from Jace. Her whole body ached. From the wound on her arm, the soreness from hunting and the general dizziness she had felt since fainting during her run this morning, Clary was a little disappointed she couldn't crawl into her clean bed, having spent the last two hours getting blood out of the coverlet- not to mention off the floor.  
What was one supposed to wear to a demon summon ritual? She associated demons with wearing gear, but that was for fighting. In the end, Clary threw on clean jeans and a thick turtle neck with her gear jacket on top for good measure. Clary wanted to look like she knew what she was doing. Turning up in full fighting gear would get her sneered at by Isabelle, but she didn't want Alec to think a hoodie and Jeans is not taking being a Shadowhunter seriously. She has to be perfect.  
Luke had crashed on the sofa and she threw a blanket over him before heading out. Darkness covered the street. Once upon a time, not so many months ago, Clary would have walked in the dark like this with her earphones plugged into her Ipod and not a single clue about any of the shadows around her. Now, she walked briskly between the spaces under the street light aware of every noise she heard.  
When she did finally thunder up the steps of Magnus's apartment, she couldn't wait to finally be inside.  
The door into the apartment was opened by Alec, who smiled at Clary when he opened the door. "You got here fast."  
"I didn't want to you start without me." She shrugged, Or get eaten on the way here. Stepping past Alec, she took the room in. All the furniture had been pushed to the far side of the room to make way for the large 5-pointed star that was being drawn by Magnus. "woah."  
"Woah indeed."  
Jace was leaning against the far wall, his hands in his pockets. She was pleased to see that he was wearing the exact same clothes as earlier. Just dark jeans and a t-shirt. She was very relieved not to have worn full fighting gear.  
Clary shook her head. "I can't believe this is really happening."  
Alec padded past Clary and leaned down to look over Magnus's shoulder. "I've never seen it done before either. Is it complex?"  
Sighing, Magnus stood up. "This part is child's play. I was doing this before I was fully Grown. It just takes a lot horse power."  
Clary skirted around the drawing to stand next to Jace. "I didn't realise it would be happening so soon."  
"Neither did I." His voice was tense. "Sebastian found what we needed, apparently."  
Clary's heart jumped in her chest slightly. Don't be weird or he'll be on to you. "That's good, right?"  
Jace made a noise of agreement, his eyes focused on Magnus drawing symbols around the edges of the pentagram. For once she was glad he wasn't focusing on her. She could tell Jace was tense about summoning a demon, and it probably wasn't helped by Sebastian beating him to getting the demon parts. At least, he thought it was Sebastian who had beaten him.  
The front door opened, and Clary did a double take. "Simon?"  
Simon looked up, Isabelle and Caleb entering in behind him. "Surprise."  
He held out the white plastic bag in his hand to Alec. "That's everything you asked for. Do you know how hard it is to find candles this time of year that aren't scented cinnamon apple or something stupid like that?"  
"What are you doing here?" Clary asked him. "I thought you had to un-pack and everything."  
"I did, but-"  
"Couldn't bare to miss out could you, Bloodsucker?" Jace cut Simon off and Clary shot him a glare.  
"What does it matter?" Isabelle laid her coat over one of the tables pushed against the wall. "We're all here now, lets get this party started."  
Caleb whooped at headed over to help Magnus organise the candles from the bag Simon had brought around the pentagram.  
Clary looked around. "Isn't Sebastian coming?"  
Jace had taken up his old position against the wall. "Disappointed?"  
"No," Alec answered her as if Jace hadn't spoken. "He's not."  
"He doesn't approve." Isabelle rolled her eyes and elbowed Clary. "I think he's afraid of Magnus."  
Why would Sebastian go hunting for the ritual if he wasn't going to take part?  
"Anyone with any sense should be." Magnus was nodding to himself. "Alec, could you get me the Eye, please?"  
"What do the symbols around the pentagram mean?" Simon asked Magnus as Alec slipped into the next room.  
"They're Demonic runes. They mean a variation of things."  
Caleb grinned. "Like a cooler version of our runes."  
"If you think Demon runes are cooler than angel runes," Jace looked amused. "you're in the wrong profession."  
Alec came back in, and handed the Mason jar he was holding to Magnus. Magnus shook it at the teenagers. "Do not step into the pentagram from this point on, do you understand me? That is what his keeping it from being able to reach over and rip your faces off."  
There was a murmur of agreement as they gathered around the five pointed star.  
With a wave and a flash of blue sparks from Magnus's hands, the candles around the room were lit and the lights went out.  
The candle light cast an eerie Glow on Magnus's face. "It's time." Magnus closed his eyes and started to chant something in a throaty language. Simon was looking from Isabelle to Caleb in surprise. Clary had never heard anything like it before.  
"He's speaking Chthonian, It's a demon language." Said a voice in her ear, as if reading her mind.  
She looked over to Jace. "What is he saying?"  
He shrugged. "No idea. Not Many Shadowhunters study it anymore."  
The Candle flames grew, flickering away. Magnus stopped chanting and opened his eyes. He drew a knife out his waist coat pocket and sliced his palm with it. Alec winced as the warlock stepped into the pentagram and held his hand over the runes, dripping blood over them. He emptied the jar from earlier into his other palm. The little yellow eye gleamed in his hand. He placed it into the centre and took his place outside the star.  
"Join hands." He told them.  
The yellow eye started to shake, and spark. Clary took Simon's hand then, hesitantly, Jace's; His hand was so much bigger than hers. She could feel the roughness of his fingertips on the back of her hand. His eyes were forward but he held her hand tightly.  
Magnus's chants got louder, and the flames rose with his voice. Clary could see Simon instinctively shy from them. Suddenly, the eye caught fire. The blaze stayed low and contained, but threw off thick black smoke that rose high into the room. Clary watched in awe as the smoke took form of a person, well, almost a person. It had two legs, two arms, and a head with one glowing yellow eye.  
 _"Magnus bane."_ The voice did not come from any mouth on the demon, the sounds seemed to pour out of the fire below.  
Magnus wiggled his ringed fingers at the Demon. "Hello."  
 _"What do you want?"_  
Magnus frowned. "Now now, the last demon I invited over was much more polite. Where are your manners?" The Demon said nothing. Magnus frowned. "Fine. Earlier today, you were despatched back to the void by a Shadowhunter. We want to know who summoned you onto this plain."  
The fire made a noise that sounded like a cackle. _"We have no today here, we need not such phrases as today!"  
_ Magnus's eyes blazed brighter than the fire in the pentagram. "You are in my control, Ilbis demon. Do not test me." His voice boomed. The fire wavered.  
" _I know of no yesterday, Master_ ," The voice said, dripped in submission. " _But I walked the earth, it is true."  
_ "Who summoned you, Child?"  
 _"No angel blood runs in him, Master_." The demon said _. "The blood that runs to his heart is as black as his eyes."  
_ "In the name of the Clave," Jace said. "Give us a name."  
The smoke looked as if it turned, placing it's self in front of Jace. If it did have a face, Clary was sure it would be glaring at Jace.  
 _"Angel boy. Your Clave means nothing to me. I would crush the bones of the Nephilim in the blink of an eye"_  
"You have met the wrath of a Shadowhunter already. Don't push your luck, ugly." Isabelle snarled as if she was ready to jump into the pentagram and fight the flames.  
"And you kind of need more than one eye to blink, dude." Caleb looked over to Simon. "Would he be blinking or winking if he only has one eye?"  
The demon turned back to Magnus. " _I do not know the name of my true master."  
_ "Than you are no help to us." Magnus's voice was fringed with irritation. "begone-"  
The demon whipped around the pentagram, the flamed blazing upwards. The demon's face seemed to split into a grin when it rested it's gaze on Clary. It leaned over the chalk lines surrounding it. " _Tell me, little one, Do you think your angel will save you, in the end?"  
_ Jace wrenched her behind him, breaking the circle As Magnus started to Chant loudly in Chthonian.  
"What?" Jace said, his voice was like thunder. "What does that mean?"  
The members of the group were all looking from one to another, Clary thought she heard Isabelle scream at Magnus to banish it, but she was too fixated to the flames to hear.  
The demon pointed at Clary with an arm of curling smoke. _"She is Marked for the slaughter. She is Marked! She is marked-"  
_ The whole room started to spin around Clary as she stumbled back from the pentagram as the demon wailed like nails being dragged down a chalk board.  
 _"Marked for the Sacrifice. Marked for the ritual. Will her angel blood save her then?"_ _  
_"What ritual?" Magnus boomed in English, his voice carrying around the room like a roll of thunder. His eyes blazed fiercely. "I order you tell us, Demon!"  
The smoke twisted away from Clary and turned back to Magnus. _"The awakening."_  
"Enough!" Cried Magnus. "You have been of little use to us. Begone, and pray we never call on you again."  
Magnus waved his arm and the candles went out, taking the fire and smoke with it. The room went dark and plunged into Panic. Everyone was shouting over each other and Alec fumbled for a light switch as Caleb fell over one of the candle sticks.  
Clary felt an arm around her waist holding her up. She shook all over. _The awakening. The awakening._ That is what Valentine had said to her in her dream, the dream where he gave her the mark. _Marked for the slaughter.  
_ The lights came back on, and Clary sunk to the floor. Simon, who had been holding her up, went down with her. She could hear him asking her if she was okay, and she shook her head.  
"It was the same." She said, looking frantically from Magnus to Jace. "The demon said the same thing as Valentine in the dream. Are you listening to me?" Jace had turned white to the roots of his hair. He was frozen on the spot staring at her. "It was the same."  
"Wait," Simon stood up, looking between Magnus, Jace and Clary. "what's going on?"  
Alec and Isabelle were looking as confused as Simon. Alec frowned. "Jace?  
Slowly, Jace started to shake his head. "This is bad."  
"What's bad?" Simon demanded. "Clary?"  
Jace whipped his head towards Magnus. "What should we do?"  
"I don't know." Magnus rubbed his eyes. "I need a drink."  
Magnus headed towards his kitchen giving Alec's shoulder a squeeze as he went.  
Behind Clary, Jace started talking. His voice was flat as he explained about Clary's dream, the rune on her leg and the way normal runes burnt her. Clary wasn't listening. She was focused on the knife that Magnus used during the ritual, on the floor a few feet from her. She retrieved it from the pentagram. Clary used the knife to rip her jeans and expose the rune.  
"So now you know." She said, turning and showing them.  
Isabelle's hands flew to her mouth and Alec swore softly.  
Jace's eyes bulged when he saw it. "What the hell did you do?"  
The ugly, scrawled rune one her leg was red and angry, surrounded by dry blood and deep cuts.  
The knife slipped from her hand and clattered on the hardwood floor. "The codex said runes could be disfigured."  
Caleb was sitting on the floor with his hand over his forehead. "Not that one, by the looks of it."  
"What the hell," Alec spoke calmly. "Is wrong with the two of you? Why didn't you tell anyone?"  
"If the Clave found out Clary would be locked up in the silent city like some kind of lab rat, and you know it, Alec-"  
"Did you really think we would tell anyone?" Isabelle looked as angry as Alec. Simon was silent, doing nothing but looking at Clary with hurt expression.  
"No." Jace sank onto one of the sofas against the wall. "I know that you would never, but how could I ask you to keep something this big from Maryse and Robert? If you had to lie to the Clave, you'd be breaking the law."  
Alec folded his arms across his chest tightly. "As if we haven't already smashed the law into a million pieces already? Jace, half the conclave is _dead_. I'm not afraid of the law."  
Magnus had slipped back into the room without her noticing, and stood at her side. He handed her a glass of water. "Are you alright?"  
Jace was still arguing with his siblings. She nodded.  
"Demons are cryptic. Don't drive yourself insane over what it said."  
Clary met Magnus's eyes. "Do you think I'm going to die?"  
He returned her stare, for a long hard minute before laughing dryly. "Not if they have anything to do with it."  
Magnus nodded to the lightwoods, Simon and Caleb. They were quiet now, looking back at her.  
"I never wanted any of this." She said. "I never wanted anyone to have to lie or be afraid or anything because of me."  
"None of that matters." Isabelle spoke firmly. "We're in this together. Which means," She cast an icy look in Jace's direction. "We need to work together."  
Everyone except Jace and Magnus nodded firmly.  
"Tomorrow," Jace said, "We should re-group and come up with a strategy going forward."  
Caleb nodded. "Taki's?"  
"I could go for Taki's and strategizing." Simon nodded.  
"It's late." Alec said. "We should all get some rest."

Coats were grabbed and good byes were exchanged, and Clary found herself on the doorstep of Magnus's building. The cold air felt amazing on her face. The rest of the group filed out of the building behind her, and Simon caught up to her side.  
"I understand why you didn't tell me." He said, bumping her with his shoulder. "I understand, but it still sucks."  
"I'm sorry. I was going to tell you, I really was."  
Simon signed. "I can't wait to go to sleep. First 24 hours home and I've already summoned a demon. Figures."  
"I'm sorry about that, as well." Clary stopped walking. "You'd be worried about school or band practise rather than demons and drinking blood if it wasn't for me."  
"Hey," Simon frowned. "That's not true. Band practises worry me even in the afterlife."  
"You know what I mean." Clary shook her head. "I wish I could just- stop."  
The others were catching up to them now. "Stop what?"  
"Everything."  
"Clary, are you-"  
"I'm heading home," She said, brightly. "I'll see you at Taki's, Si."  
Clary gave him a quick hug to silence his protests about walking her home and started down the street before she would have to talk to the others. She'd ruined Simon's life. He would never age. Everyone he has ever met will die and he will be forced to live forever. She needed to be alone. As she turned the corner, her footsteps became the only sound in the deserted street. Finally, she was alone.  
She was almost home when her phone buzzed in her pocket. She lifted it to her ear. "hello?"  
"It's me." Jace said, "Just checking that you didn't get eaten on the way home. You stormed off pretty fast earlier."  
"I just needed to be alone."  
"I wish I'd never told you about the ritual. I didn't think it would be like that."  
Clary signed. "It makes everything less complicated now, I guess. Now that everyone knows."  
Jace laughed dryly. "'Complicated' is a good word for it."  
She started up the steps of Luke's porch. "Speaking of complicated, I was going to visit Mom before Taki's tomorrow. I haven't been in a stupidly long time. I was wondering- well, I mean- you can come with if you want." There was silence on the other end of the phone. "You don't have to." Clary added quickly.  
"Okay." He said, after an uncomfortably long pause. "Sure. I'll be at Luke's at nine."  
"Oh," Clary didn't expect him to actually say yes. "Okay, I'll see you tomorrow then."  
Jace hung up, and Clary stared at the phone for a long moment. Anxiety bloomed in her chest. Why did she do that? He only accepted so he wouldn't hurt your feelings. Way to go, idiot.  
Clary used her stele and let herself into the house. Luke was still crashed on the couch, and she made a b-line for her room and her bed.  
Tomorrow was another day, and Clary felt like she needed all the rest she could get to face it. 

X

 **09:25 AM**

 _Where is he?_  
The bubble of anxiety that she had desperately pushed down earlier that morning rippled to the surface. What if Jace was joking? He been caught off guard when she asked him to visit her mother with her last night. She knotted her hands in her lap. Would he actually stand her up?  
Clary wiped her lip-gloss angrily on her sleeve. She put it on this morning with the thought of seeing Jace; Stupid, she thought, like he would care about her lips, or the fact she wore her hair down, the way he liked it best. Like he would even show. She got up from where she was waiting on Luke's porch and stomped down the steps, truck keys in hand.  
Clary climbed in, yanking the door shut behind her. She had just started the engine when the passenger door opened and Jace slid in, making her lurch the truck forward in surprise. He grinned at her, his hair and face wind kissed, golden locks lit up like a halo in the Sun of the winter morning.  
Clary frowned. "You're late."  
"Fashionably so," Jace said, rubbing his cold hands together. "Does the heater work in this thing?"  
"I didn't think you were even going to show up, I thought you forgot."  
"Clearly, you were about to reverse over me." He reached forward and fussed over the heater's buttons. Clary rolled her eyes and turned it on for him, slightly satisfied she knew how to do something he didn't. Their hands brushed as he pulled away, and even though they were cold, her skin pricked with heat where his fingers brushed hers.  
"Like I would stand you up, Clary." He added, quickly dropping his hand.  
Clary's stomach churched loudly, clearly not satisfied with the glass of water she had for breakfast.  
He raised an eyebrow at her. "Hungry?"  
"All the training must have boosted my metabolism." She laughed nervously. She didn't really skip breakfast, it wasn't like she was on a diet or anything. She just felt a better on an empty stomach. Her body felt light and ready to go.  
He shot her hard glance, but shrugged. He kept up conversation over her tummy rumbles. "Emmet had it out with us this morning, apparently babysitting Max wasn't in the Job description Maryse Gave him. We're shocked as well."  
"You shouldn't be so hard on Emmet- or Caleb, for that matter. "  
"Even max thinks Caleb is weird."  
"I think there is a lot more to Caleb and Emmet then they let on." she sighed.  
"You seem friendly with them."  
Clary shot him a sideways look "Caleb and Emmet?"  
He nodded, now absently picking at his nails. Clary frowned. "Why wouldn't I be? Don't _you_ like them?"  
"I think they're hiding something."  
She frowned. "What would they be hiding?"  
He leaned forward in his seat, with narrow eyes. "Emmet's what? 20? 22 at the most, and he's running an Institute? that's basically unheard of, Clary. Plus, me and Alec broke into his office."  
Clary looked at him sharply. "You what?"  
"Christ, keep your eyes on the road." Jace gripped the door handle. "We found a pile of letters under a lose floor bored."  
"What did they say?"  
"No idea. They burst into flames when we touched them. People who have nothing to hide don't enchant their mail."  
"Maybe Emmet is a little shady" Clary admitted. "But Caleb is a sweetheart."  
He sank back into his seat slightly. "I wish I could see the good in people, like you do." Clary couldn't tell if it was the fact he was looking out the window, or just the sudden softness of his voice that made him sound so distant.  
The traffic started to move, so she tore her eyes off him and focused on the road. "I know Emmet and Caleb." she said, changing the subject. "They wouldn't hide anything bad, not like Hodge -if that's what you were thinking."  
"I would just like to point out that that's exactly what we all thought about Hodge."  
She dug her fingers into the wheel, and sighed heavily. She thought of Caleb, all lanky arms and legs and big black eyes- the idea of him hiding something was almost laughable. He was just so- so sweet. Even Emmet who she'd only had a few real conversations with, seemed always in a good mood. she was slightly surprised how defensive she felt, she had only known the Whitetales a short about of time, yet they had been her only company in the lightwoods absence. The idea of someone else lying or scheming behind her back wasn't something she could take right now. Desperate to suppress the idea, she changed the subject "You can still change your mind, you know. I know how you feel about her, it's okay."  
The last time he had visited, when Clary's mom first went to Hospital, he had stood at the end of the hospital bed speechless until Clary yelled at him.  
His eyes were fixated on something in the distance, avoiding her glances, but his hands were balled tightly on his lap "I'm not exactly Son of the year, I know."  
"She's not exactly Mother of the year, either. But as our family members go, she's not that bad."  
He laughed dryly. "It's strange how alike they are."  
"Who?"  
Jace reached over to turn the heater down. "Valentine and Jocelyn."  
she frowned. "How are they alike?"  
He sat back in the leather seat and looked over at her thoughtfully. "They both lied to protect us." he Stated. "Jocelyn took your memories and hid the shadow world from you. Valentine lied about who he was, our last name and so forth."  
"And they both lied to us about each other." Her grip on the wheel tightened as they turned into the parking lot adjacent to the hospital. "But they aren't anything alike."  
"Clary-"  
She yanked the keys out of the ignition. "c'mon, we're here."

They walked through the parking Lot and hospital in a strange silence, neither one daring to be the first to break it. Even though he had only been here once, Jace seemed to take lead, striding through the white washed halls only slowing occasionally to allow her to catch up.  
When they reached the ward, Clary approached the desk to sign them in for visiting. The Nurse at the desk looked up and smiled, Clary realised, at Jace. Of course, she was smiling at Jace. He wasn't Glamored, and he was beautiful. Girls probably smiled at him all the time. The Nurse herself was pretty. Dark, clear skin and brown eyes that seemed to have a strange shimmer to them, framed by long eyelashes.  
"Good morning," Even her voice was pretty. "Who are you visiting today?"  
"Our mother," Clary Grumbled. "Jocelyn Fray."  
The Nurse nodded and pulled the computer keypad towards her. "okey-doke, let me just get you all signed in and then-" She frowned at the screen.  
Jace leaned over the desk. "Is something wrong?"  
The Nurse looked up with furrowed brows. "It's just- Jocelyn Fray isn't here."  
The words took a few seconds to actually make any sense to Clary, she blinked at the nurse. "what do you _mean she's not here_?"  
"The system says she's been transferred to a private end of life unit- she was signed out an hour ago."  
 _"End of life- an hour ago- sighed out."_ Clary's heart felt like it was beating in her ears, had Jace not got a sudden Iron grip around her shoulders, she might have bolted down the hall to her mother's room. " _Who_ signed her out?" She demanded.  
The nurse looked back to the screen and typed away at the keyboard. "Er- yes, 8:03AM, she was signed out by her husband for transfer."  
" _Her Husband?"_  
Once again, the pretty nurse frowned. "yes- A Mr. Morgenstern-"  
That was it for Clary- Jace's grip was the only thing keeping her up now. She felt everything drain though her feet, like an invisible weight pulling her insides out.  
"Sweetie, is something wrong?" The Nurse asked her, her eyes wide, no doubt at the fact Clary had turned as white as the wall.  
Jace's grip tightened. "Our mistake," his voice dripped charm. "We were simply misinformed. Thank you for your help."  
He turned them around and basically dragged Clary out of the ward.  
The way out of the hospital was a blur, one minute she was looking at the pretty nurse, the next minute the Sun was in her eyes as Jace leaned her against Luke's Truck.  
"I don't understand," She squeaked, digging her nails into her palms. "How- why?"  
"Her eyes," Jace said. "Did you see the shine in them? Valentine must have used a persuade Rune – cast a Glamor or something. Give me your stele."  
She retrieved it from her coat pocket and numbly handed it to him. "What are you doing?"  
Jace took out his own silver stele and started to trace a rune on Clary's. "This is your mother's, Right?"  
She nodded. "Yes, Luke Gave it to me. Why?"  
"The tracking rune didn't work. You must have had to it long, or Valentine's blocking it somehow, or-"  
"Or she's already dead."  
Jace didn't say anything, his mouth was a hard line. "We need to get to the institute. Can you drive?"  
She replied by yanking the driver's side door open and clambering in. She backed the truck out at an illegal speed, before Jace had even slammed his door shut. She disregarded the one-way system of the parking lot and drove out the entrance way, swerving out the way of the oncoming traffic.  
Jace was gripping the dash, wide eyed. "When Isabelle said you could drive, I assumed she meant _legally_." He glanced in her direction, and made a disapproving noise as he reached over her and fastened her seatbelt.  
"I can," she said with exaggerated patience. "I think this life or death situation warrants the illegal driving, _don't you think_?"  
"He won't kill her," He stated bluntly. "He couldn't, He's in love with her-"  
She whipped around to glare at him. "He doesn't _love_ anyone!"  
The truck swerved, and Jace gripped the dash again, swearing. "Watch where you're going!"  
She gasped and focused back on the road. Clary made a silent prayer that there were no cops in the area.  
"At Renwick's, I saw him talking to her, telling they that when she was awake they would be together again, that they -that we- would be a family again. He does love her. I think he always thought that she loved him to."  
Clary scoffed. "She would never- not now. I don't know if anyone could love him.  
Jace stared out the window, away from her "I did."  
She glanced at him. "But that's- different-" Clary said, carefully. "He's your father."  
Jace turned to her, straight-faced and guarded. "And yours."  
She opened her mouth to reply, but he cut her off. "Just pullover here, before you tailgate someone. Traffic is horrendous. We'll save time by running."  
Jace, Clary thought, would definitely save time by running, she however, could probably be outrun by her comatose mother. None the less, she pulled over and they abandoned the truck, taking off down the street on foot.

X

 **Hey guys**  
 **It's been a while because honestly, I've had no motivation to write.**  
 **If you could leave some feed back, it would be amazing and will help keep me going!**

xx


	9. Chapter 9

**Peek-a-boo!** **Guess who's back!**

X

Jace was right, they did save time. Record time, actually. They were barrelling up the steps in minutes. They burst through the doors and Jace slowed down to a fast walk to let Clary catch her breath. Between gulps for air, she asked him. "What are we going to do?"  
"I don't know." He slowed down to a fast paced walk as they veered through the cathedral. Clary guessed it was probably to let her catch her breath. They came to a stop out side the elevator and Clary's hand slammed against the button. Her Body was still shaking. "I need to call Luke."  
Jace handed her his phone as the bird cage elevator rattled to a stop in front of them. Clary took it, fumbling at the key pad and lifting it to her ear. She followed Jace into the elevator and it shuddered around them as Luke picked up the phone.  
"Hello?"  
"It's Clary, Luke you need to get to the Institute fast."  
"What? Are you okay?" he sounded panicked, and something about the words _'Are you okay?'_ stirred a reaction in Clary. A childish desperation for Luke to be here. She felt like she did the day her Mom disappeared, sitting in the library trying not to cry down the phone to Luke in front of a bunch of Shadowhunters she didn't know.  
"It's mom." She whimpered. "Can you come to the institute?"  
"I'll be there in 10, okay? Don't do anything stupid, Clary."  
Luke hung up and Clary listened to the dial tone until Jace pried his phone out of her hands.  
"This is my fault." She said. "My fault. I should have gotten there earlier, or visited more often. This is my fault, just like Simon being a vampire and Luke-"  
"Simon?" The elevator clunked to a stop and Jace yanked the doors open. "Last time I checked, you said that one was _my_ fault."  
Clary's mouth dropped open and she glared at him. They had never, ever acknowledged that conversation they had had in his room the night they went to the Seelie queen. Jace had begged her to see him in secret and she had called it sickening. Even now, she remembered the look on his face when she had said it; like water turning to ice, freezing over and becoming void of any feeling. He wasn't looking at her now, but she knew he could feel her glare because he started to walk so fast she had to jog to keep up with him, and she almost crashed into his back when he abruptly stopped.  
"Idiot." He spat, yanking his hair out of his eyes.  
Clary blinked at him. "What?"  
"I'm an Idiot. We were meeting everyone at Taki's after we had visited Jocelyn. No one is here."  
"I'd forgotten." Clary's mind was running at a million miles an hour. "What could they do anyway? What could anyone possibly do?"  
Jace stepped towards her but Clary recoiled, her voice raising as her hands trembled. "I can't do this again. I can't lose my mom to him again, Jace. I won't. Valentine has her and we don't know where- or even how he walked into a mundane hospital and just took her-"  
"Valentine Morgenstern has been spotted in the city?"  
They areeled. At the end of the hall, was Emmet Whitetail, wide eyed. "Is that what you just said?"  
Jace, who's colour had never really returned since she almost killed them on the drive over, seemed to turn a shade whiter. "Eavesdropping?"  
Emmet's concern didn't waver, but he did shoot Jace a glare. "No need to eavesdrop when you're shouting loud enough for the whole Institute to hear." He had papers in his hand, which he folded and tucked into his pants. "If what you're saying is true, I need to send word to the consul, right now."  
"It's True." Clary said. "He's taken her from the Beth Israel's."  
"Clary," Jace hissed, yanking her arm. "Shut up."  
She whirled on him, ripping her arm out of his grip. "Valentine has my- Our- Mom. The Clave will help find her, can't you see that?"  
Hurriedly, she turned back to face Emmet only to see he had already taken off down the hall.  
"Now you've done it." Jace's voice was cold, despite the hot flush of anger on his face. "Can't you see that we've already summoned a demon- breaking convent law by the way, as well as not reported that rune to a silent brother. Some help we're going to be from the cells of the silent city. You don't know a thing about the Clave-"  
"I don't care!" Clary's voice broke despite her best efforts to control it. "About the Clave or the law or any of it! I care about my Mom. I care about getting her back into the hospital and-"  
 _The hospital_. "Oh my god." Clary's stomach lurched so suddenly she thought she might be sick. " _Oh my God_."  
Jace's icy glare didn't waver. "I would ask if you've come to your senses, but I doubt it. What is it?"  
"We need to go to Luke's _Now_." She said, already moving.  
Jace matched her Jog with a fast walk. He had his phone in his hand, presumably texting Alec. "Why? Do you think he's getting her a book for the journey?"  
Although his voice dripped sarcasm, all she could hear was her own thumping pulse in her ears. "I think I know how he pulled kidnapping my mom off, and I really hope I'm wrong."

X

Clary was hardly aware of Jace talking behind her as she tore through Luke's house like a tempest. The stone in her stomach continued to sink as she got closer to her own room, throwing open the door and immediately dumping out her bedside draws.  
"Well," Jace said, loudly as he stood in the door way. "Your skills in re-decoration could give Magnus a run for his magic."  
"I need to find them." Clary shoved books and empty water bottles aside with abandon. "I need to know he didn't come in here."  
There was a moment of pause, before he spoke. "What are you talking about?"  
"Computers can't be glamored, Jace. You can't just walk a comatose person out of a hospital."  
"Have _you_ ever met Valentine?"  
Clary felt like an elastic band in her snapped, and she spun on Jace. "Have _you_ ever used a Mundane hospital? Do you know how much paper work goes into those places? There are Cameras and computer systems and rules to moving people about-"  
He rolled his eyes so hard that Clary might have expected them to disappear into his head. "You're an idiot if you think that's going to make any difference."  
"Then why," Clary said, reining her temper in as not to throw something at Jace's head, "are all of my Mom's hospital documents missing?"  
Jace didn't waver from his hard stare. "I don't know. I'm surprised you know where anything is in this room."  
She turned from him and focused on digging through her desk. Clary could feel his eyes on her, but refused to turn around even to glare at him.  
"You know," Jace said, sounding like he had flopped onto Clary's bed. "That codex was only to borrow, not to cover in blood."  
Clary spun to find him laying on his back on her bed, the copy of the codex she borrowed from the institute in his hands. It was open on the last page she had used, and the parchment was splotted with blood.  
"For someone who lives behind a bookstore, you think you would take better care of it." He said, peering up at her through his eye lashes. "No need to ask what happened. This passage is about Rune disfigurement."  
"Like I said at Magnus's," Clary leaned over him and went to snatch it from his hands. "It didn't work."  
"Does it hurt?" Jace caught her wrist. "Where you cut it."  
Clary pulled her hand away with little resistance from Jace. "A little bit."  
"Can I see?"  
She would have to take her pants off to show him. "No." She said, not unkindly. Clary turned back to her desk and pushed the idea of so much of her bared to him with no one else at home.  
"That was a stupid thing to ask." He sat up, pushing his hair away from his face. "Stupid."  
Clary sank back onto the bed with her back to Jace's amongst the mess of covers.  
"Why?" Something between a laugh and a sob tore through her. "You were just being sibling-ly."  
He didn't say anything for a long moment. "That's not a word."  
"I know."  
The silence in the room fell like a stifling blanket, choking her. The weight of Jace being so close across the bed to her that she could turn around and touch him was like a hand around her throat when she already couldn't breathe.  
"Clary," He said her name with such a desperation that turning to face him was involuntary, like a cord had pulled her to the sound of his voice.  
When she met his eyes, they reminded her of the way the fire under the Iblis Demon had roared in Magnus's pentagram. "What if-"  
There was the unmistakeable sound of the front door opening and Closing, followed by running foot steps up the hall.  
The fire in Jace's face seemed to be snubbed out as he jumped to his feet like he had been doing something criminal, just as Simon swung the door open.  
"What the hell happened in here?"  
Jace's voice was as cold as ice. "Valentine took Jocelyn's hospital paperwork to take her from the hospital."  
"But you said-"  
"Forget what I said," He snapped. Jace tilted his chin at Simon. "What do you want?"  
"Wait," Clary paused, taking real notice of Simon. "How did you know we were here"?  
"I was in Taki's with Isabelle and Alec when Jace text. She told me to come get you guys." Simon bit his lip, and Clary's stomach seemed to sink a little further. "I talked to Luke as well. He said- said you should pack a bag."  
" _Why_?"  
Jace sucked a sharp breath in. "Emmet wrote to the clave, and the clave wrote back, didn't they?"  
"Yeah." Simon said, looking between them with an apprehension that felt like a cord around her throat. Out of the corner of her eye, Clary saw Jace slowly pick up the empty duffle bag that Sebastian left in her room the other day. Had Simon not had that look in his eye, she would have been more worried about that. "And you're really not going to like it."

X

The ride back to the Institute was as agonising as Clary thought it could get. Simon offered to drive and Clary let him, unable to take it back once she realised she would be squished between Simon and Jace on the bench seat in the truck cab. Jace had pressed himself against the window as not to touch her so forcefully that she worried he might try and climb out of it if the traffic didn't let up. Simon turning the radio on to break the silence made it even worse.  
When they finally pulled up in front of the Institute, Jace clambered out without a word to either of them.  
Clary watched him disappear through the front doors before finally letting her breath out.  
"That good, huh?" Simon raised an eyebrow at her.  
"Ignore him." She said. "He's just worried."  
"I find that somehow hard to believe." Simon killed the engine and the truck shuddered to stillness. "He doesn't have to be an ass about it."  
Clary leaned her head on Simon's shoulder. "He can't help it."  
Simon signed, leaning his head over hers. "You should get in there."  
"I wish you could come with me."  
"Me too."  
They stayed like that for a few moments of calmness, before Clary finally willed herself to get out of the truck and Simon walked her as far as he could go.  
"What will you do now?" She asked him.  
"Luke said he would drive me home, so I'll probably wait in the truck."  
"Put the heater on, okay? You'll freeze out here."  
Simon laughed dryly. "Perks of being undead. Don't feel the cold anymore."  
"Oh,well…Put it on anyway." Clary pulled him in for a quick hug before turning away from him and starting up the front steps. "I'll be out soon, okay?"  
He nodded with a small, sad smile, and she pushed into the Institute without looking back again.

X

The raised voices as Clary approached the library didn't instil her with any good feeling.  
"You heard what they said- Do nothing and-  
"Do nothing?" She said, stepping through the already propped open door and into the scene in the library."Do nothing about what?"  
Emmet had been the one speaking, but now he pressed his mouth into a hard line and glanced at Luke, who was standing by the fire place with a vacant expression. "Jocelyn isn't a member of the clave anymore, they say they can't help her."  
Jace was looking down on them from the gallery. "You mean they won't help her."  
Clary focused on Luke, "What about valentine? He was in the city. He was in my room- in our house! He took Mom's paper work!"  
The lines in Luke's face seemed as if they could be carved there, like the marble tears of the twin angels, holding up the solid stone table in the centre if the room. It was Emmet who spoke. "So Jace said. But it doesn't change the fact that he hasn't made a move against the clave-"  
"Oh," Isabelle scoffed loudly. "So murdering half our conclave wasn't enough? Does he have to be banging on the door of the guard before they do something?"  
"yes, actually. The council are almost certain that Idris is his next target. This is a distraction to draw us out so he can attack Alicante at its weakest." Said Emmet, in the tone of someone repeating something they wanted to believe.  
Isabelle and Emmet continued to bicker, Alec attempting to mitigate before being completely stomped out by his sister.  
Luke crossed the room to Clary quietly, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Did you pack a bag?"  
"I'm not going to the farm house," She dropped her voice, hoping that everyone in the room was focused on the full blown argument taking place on the other side of the room. "or where ever else you want me to hide."  
"Clary-"  
"You can't make me. I need to be here for my Mom, and Simon and Jace-"  
"I'm not asking you too." He sounded as tired as he looked. "Emmet and I have decided living in the institute would be the best option, until we think of something safer. Wards on the book store or something."  
The idea of living under the same roof as the lightwoods, as Jace, was an idea that made her head feel like it was being squeezed. "You'll have to close the store, and the pack-"  
Luke's expression became a little softer. He squeezed her shoulder, just a bit. "Not me, Clary. Just you."  
"But…No," Clary shook her head. She had become dangerously close to crying again, and was reminded of another time she had as in the library as Luke told her to stay in the Institute, that she wasn't his problem; Now, that time felt like it was centuries ago. "I don't want to live away from you. What if something happens and you need me or-"  
"It's not negotiable right now, Clary. but it is only temporary, okay?" The room had gone quiet, and Clary was fully aware of the Gazes on her. "The pack's patrolling for any signs of your mother in the city. Empty warehouses, lay line points- that sort of thing."  
She focused her eyes on a witch light lamp over Luke's shoulder and willed herself not to cry. "I thought we weren't allowed to look for her?"  
A small, sad smile broke the lines on Luke's face. "So says the Clave, But I'm not a Shadowhunter."  
"Thankfully." Jace had been watching the scene silently from the Gallery, like one of the stone gargoyles on the Institute's spires. Clary had forgotten he was up there completely, and hoped he hadn't seen her almost cry. He vaulted over the gallery bannister and landed soundlessly on his feet in the centre of the room. "Sniffer dogs seem appropriate, given the circumstances."  
If Jace annoyed Him, Luke didn't show it. He squeezed her shoulder once more and Clary deflated. "You should go and look with them. I'll be fine, plus Simon is waiting in the truck, he might want to help as well."  
Luke smiled again, and Clary felt a splash of guilt for keeping here so long when all he wanted to do was go out and join the pack looking for Jocelyn. It's all she wanted to do, as well. "I'm not sure throwing Simon in with the wolves would be a good idea. A daylighter is still a vampire, even if he is friends with Maia."  
"Will you call me later?"  
Luke nodded and Clary watched him go, her fingers fussing at the buckle on the strap of her duffle bag. Even after Luke was gone, she still had her eyes trained on the door. They would not see her cry. They wouldn't.  
She hadn't heard his footsteps, but when Jace's fingers brushed her shoulder Clary started, tugging her bag further up her shoulder and stepping away from his touch. "I'm going to lie down." Clary said, not looking behind her as she headed out the door into a safe space for the tears to finally come.

X

It wasn't until Clary's footsteps melted into the distance did Emmet break the heavy silence in the Library. "Would now be a good time to mention the Iblis Demon's in Queens?"  
Jace turned, facing Alec and Isabelle either side of Emmet. Caleb and Sebastian weren't here and Jace wasn't inclined to ask where they were. "Now is a perfect time to mention it."  
"Jace," Alec said, stepping forward and wielding a look that felt like a vice on Jace's chest. "Maybe you should stay here with Clary?"  
"You heard her, She's going for a lie down." Isabelle touched her brother's shoulder lightly. "I think some fresh air would do us all good." "  
"Not sure how much fresh air you can get in an abandoned building-" Emmet muttered, stopping dead at Isabelle's icy glare in his direction. "I'll get the address."  
He hurried from the room and Alec made that face again. "Are you sure you shouldn't stay here? Jocelyn is-"  
"My mother." The words even Tasted bitter in Jace's mouth, the angel only knows how they sounded. "Don't think I don't know that."  
Alec sighed, but didn't say anything until Emmet came back with an Address in queens and his brother trailing sulkily behind him. "Take him with you," Emmet muttered to Alec. "He's still upset that I sent word to the Clave."  
Caleb chuntered something under his breath that sounded a lot like 'traitor', and Alec signed even harder than he had before. He handed Jace the address. "Let's go then, if you really want to."  
Jace closed his fist around the paper tightly. He wasn't sure if Clary had really needed to lie down like she said, but he was sure that if he stood still for another moment longer he may rip apart at the seams. Blood, danger and adrenaline were all he could think about without going insane. "Believe me," He said, already heading for the door. "I really _really_ want to."

X

 **I know it's super short but I needed to upload before you thought I had abandoned this story again! I haven't! I just finished up my Last term of College (Not university, my American friends, In the UK college is basically the last few years of high school.) And i'm off to Uni in September so my life is AHHHHHH at the moment! But I'm back now so tune in for a new chapter next week!**  
 **I'm so sorry again and thank you for bearing with me xxxx**


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